Phils Hardy Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 (edited) Just needed some clarity. I met this girl on dating app. In less than a week of texting, we have met each other for dinner and she said that she enjoyed the dinner and appreciated the flowers. I wasn’t sure if gifting flowers on the first date is it too much but I also didn’t want to go empty handed. She assured me that it’s not too much and it was rather sincere. We then met for the second and third time consecutively. Communication between us was consistent as well. 1 week after matching, she asked me how long have I been playing dating apps and if I have found anyone that I like. Side track, most girls that I matched mostly ask these questions on the first few days of matching. But she asked 1 week later after meeting up 3 times. This led me to think that maybe she is curious whether I am serious about her or am still looking around. I told her I will let her know the answers the next time we meet. Tbh, I am really interested in her, I see potential. So the next time we met, I told her that yes I have met someone I like and that’s her (by this I meant that I am attracted to her, and not like real love yet). Of course I know it’s too fast paced. I told her I want to get to know her more and understand her better. Both of us have the same goal of finding someone to settle down with. Suddenly she changed her mood and said that she felt a bit stressed and said that she wants to know each other longer first. Later on I sent her home and while I was on the way home, she dropped me a text saying that she don’t feel the same way I feel about her and hope that I can find another woman that is more suitable. I told her not to reject me too fast, and just let everything happen naturally. She said what if she still can’t develop feelings for me, won’t that be unfair to me? I replied saying that there is no fair or unfairness in our current situation. I just wish to understand her more, and take things slowly, no pressure. After which she didn’t reply and ghosted me. Edited May 2 by Phils Hardy Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 14 minutes ago, Phils Hardy said: So the next time we met, I told her that yes I have met someone I like and that’s her (by this I meant that I am attracted to her, and not like real love yet) Unfortunately, this does translate to "YOU'RE THE ONE!" And if you try to clarify that you don't mean this, it will sound like you're back pedaling. For future reference, just tell them that you're really enjoy time spent together. And back it up by giving them prime date nights and making time for them on weekends 18 minutes ago, Phils Hardy said: she asked me how long have I been playing dating apps and if I have found anyone that I like. Side track, most girls that I matched mostly ask these questions on the first few days of matching. But she asked 1 week later after meeting up 3 times. This led me to think that maybe she is curious whether I am serious about her or am still looking around. I interpret her question as making conversation....sharing your experiences of OLD. Don't ever make assumptions based on a single conversation - always look at the big picture 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
si-dog Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 You will never know what she's thinking. You can only guess based on her behaviour towards you. I this case, I suspect she felt that you were coming on too strong, too early. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 Ah mate, I'm sorry, but she simply didn’t develop the same level of attraction. You didn’t play games—you expressed yourself honestly. She enjoyed your company (hence the multiple dates), but her question about your dating app history was likely a probe for her own clarity. When you confessed your interest, it forced her to confront whether she felt the same. Her reaction ("stressed," then pulling back) suggests she wasn’t there emotionally, and your honesty made her realize the mismatch. Chemistry isn’t negotiable. You could’ve played it cooler, but games wouldn’t guarantee her attraction either. The right person will meet your energy. Sure, you could have kept it lighter while still showing interest. That said, her reaction (ghosting) tells you everything you need to know—she wasn’t feeling it. I am not sure if any amount of perfect phrasing would’ve changed that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phils Hardy Posted May 2 Author Share Posted May 2 I guessed I did come on too strongly, I wasn’t very good at expressing myself. I still wish to continue to try. Any chance that I can fix this and how? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 (edited) Telling someone you like them on the fourth date isn't "too fast" by most dating standards. The issue here isn’t necessarily your timing or even your words—it’s that she simply wasn’t feeling the same way, and your honesty forced her to confront that. She told you she doesn’t feel the same and then ghosted. That’s a firm no, even if it wasn’t delivered perfectly. If she had any budding feelings, your confession might have sparked excitement, not stress. Her reaction says this wasn’t a matter of "too fast" but of not the right connection. The only exception would be if they’re slower to open up, match that. If they’re enthusiastic, lean in. Her initial enthusiasm (agreeing to four dates, asking questions about your dating history) does suggest she was genuinely interested in exploring a connection. But here’s the critical nuance: interest ≠ attraction. She likely enjoyed your company and wanted to see if feelings would develop, but ultimately, they didn’t. That’s not a failure on your part—it’s just incompatibility. Edited May 2 by Alpacalia Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 Sorry man, but she is just not interested in you romantically, and you did come on too strongly. There is nothing to fix here, she was very clear about her lack of romantic interest in you. All you can do now is move on. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sanch62 Posted May 4 Share Posted May 4 I would slow your next roll. Three dates in one week is a bit hed-sped. While she may have agreed to them or even suggested them, over-exposure too early can end up feeling like sandpaper. Allow some time for processing and reflection between dates while things are so new. I think she was trying to relax into finding a connection with you, but then she felt a bit startled by your announcement. She decided it was kinder not to lead you on, because she had not reached that connection with you yet, but now felt pressured to do so. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phils Hardy Posted May 4 Author Share Posted May 4 Update: she ghosted me for 2 days. On the 3rd day I tried my luck to ask how is she. She saw the message, didn’t reply and I thought it’s gone case. When I least expected it, she replied and we texted about random stuffs before the night ends. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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