pinksparkle Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 The last time I talked to Joseph was 5 weeks ago. I made the conscious effort to keep my mind off him and to focus on myself. I went to New Jersey to visit some friends, we ended up in Times Square for New Year's. I called my friend Hillery as the countdown got closer, and he picked up her phone. I immediately got butterflies in my stomach. Hillery is Joseph's sister so it made sense that he was answering her phone. He is the only one that has ever given me butterflies. The next week, back home, I was in a horrible car accident. My car was totaled and I was major pain. I called Hillery, and the next day she told me that Joseph was in an accident himself. Odd, I thought to myself. Is that supposed to be a sign? He called her the next day and asked what happened to me, but never called me to ask if I was ok. I was a little upset by this, but we aren't dating so he doesn't have to call. Although I did send him a message saying that I hoped he was ok. He wrote one back, longer than my message, and asked about me accident. I responded but never heard back. I moved down to Raliegh to go to school, the same school he goes to. I was hoping that I wouldn't run into him since it is a large campus. The past three night he has left me messages commenting on my away messages on AIM. I have never responded, but I don't know how to take them. I think it is weird. Today as I am walking out of class, I see him. He is reading on a bench. Seeing him startled me and I kinda paused in walking. He looked up and smiled, a gorgeous smile I used to get right before he would say he loved me and that I was gorgeous. We chitchatted for a minute. I then said I had to go. The butterflies came back, worse this time since I actually saw him. I am still in love with him. I have no idea what to do, or if there is anything that I can do. I just know that I still think he is the one for me, however I do not think he feels the same way. Any suggestions???
Author pinksparkle Posted January 13, 2006 Author Posted January 13, 2006 So, all that can I think about is what if Joseph and I are supposed to be together. I worry about everything that I have done since we broke up and whether I am just obsessed or if my heart is actually in the right. Earlier today as I was walking on campus I had a sudden thought. What if this is my second chance to try and get him back? I mean, when we first broke up, we were friendly, things were a little awkward, but it eventually led to us sleeping together for a couple weeks. Well, we're friendly now. What if this is another chance to make it work? If we are just friends, that turns into romance? What if this is a sign? The smile that always warms my heart, the three small messages, the fact that he talks about me to friends, what if these are the signs that mean things are going to get better for us, that we are meant to be together? It sounds crazy, I know. But it kinda makes sense, right?
Mr.P Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 Pinksparkle, Personally I would go for it. Start having a conversation with him and see where it leads, you have nothing to lose but be prepared for possible heartache.
Author pinksparkle Posted January 15, 2006 Author Posted January 15, 2006 Today I learned some interesting information. My ex had a one night stand before I came down for orientation 5-6 weeks ago. While I was down for orientation, Joseph and I slept together. Not the best idea, I know. We ended up fighting the days afterward. I think this is in another post if you want a better explanation. I have no idea what to think now. I do not feel anything. I am numb. However, I do still love him. We aren't dating, so he is free to do what he wants. I just remember him telling a week after we broke up that I should date other people, just not sleep with them. Him making this statement makes him a hypocrite. I guess I am thinking that hoping for us to get back together is pointless. I really do still love him despite everything that has happened. I mean, everyone has their faults. But is sleeping with someone else the sign that its time to move on? And the messages that I recieved earlier, did they really mean anything? Help!
oss91 Posted January 15, 2006 Posted January 15, 2006 But is sleeping with someone else the sign that its time to move on? Not really. Sex is simply that, sex. Sure it's hard to get over the fact that your ex is sleeping with someone else, but it's just one of the basic human needs - like water, air, and food. So says Sigmund Freud (we can debate his ideas some other time). Breaking up and going separate ways doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over. It can actually be very healthy b/c it forces both parties to step back and reevaluate the situation. Did y'all stay together b/c you love one another and genuinely enjoy each other's company, or was there some irrational fear of being single that kepy y'all together? That is something only time can tell. Just give him a chance to miss you, that is my only advice.
Author pinksparkle Posted January 21, 2006 Author Posted January 21, 2006 Last weekend, I was invited to dinner with a whole bunch of friends. Joseph was there. It was ok though, nothing major happened. He asked me about my job over the holiday, and if I would be coming back to the apt to play beer pong. I agreed. Everyone was going, no harm. Dan and I played against Joseph and Steve in beer pong. Dan and I winning the first game and throwing the next two away. Because Dan and I were partners, we ended up talking a lot, getting to know each other better. Joseph would watch us then do something so we all would look at him. He got pretty drunk and it was hard to ignore him. Later that night, Dan and I started to sing to Disney songs. Everyone joined in eventually. Joseph came out from his room, where he had been hiding for a while, and sat on the couch to join in. He kept looking at Dan and I, we had put our heads together and were singing "A Whole New World". Joseph kept looking at Dan and I. The sing a long was over and I had moved to my purse to get some lip gloss. This is were Joseph came up to me and asked me why I had been avoiding him. I was stunned, as I hadn't been avoiding him at all. But since I never answered the messages he left me and because I didn't stay to chat when I ran into him, he thought I had been avoiding him. It's weird how things get mixed up. Anyway, we went back to his room because he wanted to talk. We ended up laying on the bed together. This is where he told me that he missed hanging out with me like we used to. I said that he didn't have to break up with me and he said he thought it was the right thing to do at the time. What does that mean? Then he said, I want to kiss you. I said it's not a good idea. But he did it anyway. I pulled away only because I know that we have to be together if anything is going to happen. I said this isn't right, and his response was: I know, but it feels right. I dont know what that means either. All in all, I'm weak. I fell for everything and ended up staying the night. I felt so horrible afterwards cause I ruined everything. Well throughout the night we ended up rolling together and sleeping peacefully within each others arms. It was nice and I felt safe for the first time since my car accident. ( That happened two weeks ago, and this was also the first night where I didn't wake up to nightmares.) Well, throughout the week, I saw him on campus but he never said anything to me. I thought it was weird, but I didn't think anything of it. Then he put up an away message that stopped my heart. It was: Last night I had a dream that we went to Disneyland, Went on all the rides, didn't have to wait in line. I drove you to your house where we stared up at the stars I listened to your heartbeat as I held you in my arms. Sleeping peacefully reminiscent of that one... This is part of a song that he put on a CD for me. Since Wednesday we have had away messages at night that basically go out to one another. And then Thursday, he really avoided me. I called him out on it and he said he kinda missed me, and that he thinks its awkward when we hang out. I said that i missed him, and that kinda isn't the best word. I also said that it's awkward because we are still attracted to one another. We are supposed to get together soon to see what we can do to relieve the awkwardness. But I don't know if it will ever go away. I have no idea what to do. I keep putting up my away messages, in the hopes that maybe he will realize what we are. And sometimes I think him putting them up is his way of saying, I do love you, I just need some time. I'm so confused and I do not know what to do. Do I just give up, or should I keep reaching out to him? I'm sorry this is so long too.
srsvfx Posted January 21, 2006 Posted January 21, 2006 i think when joseph saw you and dan singing along he got a bit jelouse and didnt want you to go anywhere with dan... Maybe start hanging out with guys, that will get him thinking that if he doesnt act now, he is going to lose you. i think he is taking you for granted thinking that you'll be waiting for him whenever he calls for you. I'm a guy, one way i think about how much i care for a girl, or if im over her, is picturing her with someone else. With the girl I love I can't stand the image of her with someone else and it makes me sick and I want to just die (unfortunatly this has just come true for me ) When I think about my ex from a few years ago, I think of nothing. She could be getting gang banged and I really couldnt care less. So if he sees you with someone else, and he doesn't try to stop it or question it or get angry by it, he's probably not interested in you. So my suggestion is let him see you flirting with other guys. Don't make it so obvious that your waiting for him. Once he sees your not waiting, he's not gonna want to let you get away (if he is still interested in you). thats my opinion
Author pinksparkle Posted January 21, 2006 Author Posted January 21, 2006 Thanks for the advice. I am going to try what you suggested. I really only see him on campus because we do not really hang out together. When I was at the party last Sunday, I got a text message from this guy I had been talking to. Joseph wanted to know everything about this guy. His name, where he lived, if we were serious. He then asked if there were other guys that I was talking to too. I said yes, just to see his reaction. He just nodded his head, but then said we should go talk in his room. I had my phone with me while we were talking and I was holding on to it for life. I was nervous to be alone with him. He then said, are you expecting more text messages? He said it in some weird tone. Later that night, he had his phone on his stomach. I asked why and he said because some girl was going to call. This angered me. I mean, we had just slept together and he has some girl calling him. He asked if that made me jealous, and I said no. I wasn't going to let him know how much it bothered me. She called, and he went out of the room to talk. They weren't on the phone that long, but still, I was angry. I am going to try to flirt with other guys. I hate that I have to do that to get him to notice me, but it seems the only way. I hope this works...
srsvfx Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 maybe you should stop sleeping with him too? i mean your not going out. You didnt really say how often you sleep with him, but if you do it often he obviously is going to know you arent getting any from any other guy. Make him wonder about you more, dont give everything away. This guy sounds just like i used to me... i regret being like that, i drove my girlfriend to the edge and I regret it every day. I'm not blaming her at all for being so mean to her, but I wish she toughend up a little and put me in place so things didnt go as far as they did. give me updates on your situation, also if you get a chance read and reply to my post (no one has replied to it yet and my situation is so depressing it would really help if people would respond to it)
Author pinksparkle Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 This is the first time we have slept together in a month, also the first time we saw each other since we had a big fight. I know we have to stop sleeping together, it isn't right. I also learned that he did not sleep with someone else, as I was told earlier. I am the only person since the break-up. It makes me feel better, but I just wish we could be together. What else can I do to get him to come back?
Author pinksparkle Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 Ok, so I just found out that my ex is going to teach some other girl to cook. I have already been told that I am prettier than her, which is comforting, but I do not want him with her. Is this my time to say something? I've been thinking about it and maybe I should just talk to him. See whats up. I mean maybe he is doing to make me jealous, I mean look at what has happened since I have been here. I do not know what to do! Help!!!
Author pinksparkle Posted January 25, 2006 Author Posted January 25, 2006 Ok, well... I put myself on the line. I saw him on campus today and chickened out. I couldn't tell him my feelings. So, instead I left him a message on AIM. I told him the real reason why I walked with him, that I wanted to see him. I said that I missed him. I left it at that, no I love yous, no hearts and flowers stuff. Well, its been 4 hours and no response. I mean he's teaching some girl how to cook, what should I have expected. He's read the message, of that I am sure. It is all in his hands. I am so angry and hurt. I've put all of his stuff in a box and shoved it under my bed. It's over and I am accepting it. It hurts so much. I feel like my world has been pulled out from under me. I am moving on, as that is the only thing left to do. Thank you to everyone who has responded. You have helped me in ways I that I could never have helped myself.
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