Is there still hope?

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, PAOK FC said:

Do you believe it's impossible that she ended it because she was overwhelmed and had commitment issues?

Not impossible, but very unlikely. She didn’t say she was overwhelmed and had commitment issues. And even if she did say that, people say that a lot in an attempt to soften the blow of the breakup. It’s like “it’s not you, it’s me” - a white lie.

 

3 hours ago, PAOK FC said:

as I said it doesn't make sense, when we were together she was talking about our next plans, photos etc.

This means nothing. People say such things all the time.

 

3 hours ago, PAOK FC said:

I can't close tje door completely because the signs showed that she can come back

Not according to what you told us here. The signs show clearly that she won’t come back, and that she barely agreed to make a trial run in the first place.

In any case, you can’t say that you can’t close the door. It’s not up to you to close. She has closed it already.

 

3 hours ago, PAOK FC said:

there's a mutual respect between and she's a good person,

What does this have to do with anything?

She might be a good person and have respect for you, and yet not have any romantic feelings for you and not want to have a romantic relationship with you.

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, PAOK FC said:

That we will both wait a month at least to see how it goes, that she will call me the next day after she come to my place to talk to her friends, that she really wants to start something new and I'm her boyfriend, she wanted photos to make memories and much more, idk she was really unpredictable, that's why I can't understand her, it's not that simple believe me

So what? She probably didn’t need a month to realize that she didn’t want this relationship. She tried her best (because you insisted on it so much), gave it a chance, it didn’t work out.

You wrote yourself that she said that she would do this trial only on the condition that you both can stop it at any time. So, she stopped it. She was quite clear that it won’t work, that her feelings weren’t strong enough, that she didn’t want a relationship with you.

You need to let it go, man. You’re in some sort of a denial mode right now.

[PAOK FC]

25 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Not impossible, but very unlikely. She didn’t say she was overwhelmed and had commitment issues. And even if she did say that, people say that a lot in an attempt to soften the blow of the breakup. It’s like “it’s not you, it’s me” - a white lie.

 

This means nothing. People say such things all the time.

 

Not according to what you told us here. The signs show clearly that she won’t come back, and that she barely agreed to make a trial run in the first place.

In any case, you can’t say that you can’t close the door. It’s not up to you to close. She has closed it already.

 

What does this have to do with anything?

She might be a good person and have respect for you, and yet not have any romantic feelings for you and not want to have a romantic relationship with you.

No she agreed because she wanted it too, she kissed me first and held my hand, then she changed her feelings and was really willing to continue it, because she is inexperienced she was afraid of continuing it, when you kiss someone and feel so familiar and be so happy that you changed your mind it's not that she barely agreed, she understood that it's worth it to continue, also she admitted that she had commitment issues during a call we had some days before the last meet. And when you make so many plans it's a sign that you're sure with your decision. Also even in the final break up she said it's about her and I didn't do anything wrong, at least I want her to be honest, genuine reactions and explanations. She trusted so much and shared deep thoughts, the vibe was so special, I also send her wishes for the Easter and answered so it's not like she wants to never talk to me again. She still has my presents and my card, it's like I'm a complete past to her. Why my close people say that she needs time ?

Edited April 30 by PAOK FC

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, PAOK FC said:

When both agree with something it's an agreement, you can't say I change it

Of coure you can. She is not under a legal contract to be with you. She is allwed to change her mind and not date you. 

You're starting to sound obssessive and the kind of man a young woman needs to stay away  from. I don't blame her for backing away. She likely picked up on this and you creeped her out.

[ExpatInItaly]

46 minutes ago, PAOK FC said:

Why my close people say that she needs time ?

Probably because they think you will freak out if they say she just doesn't like you that way. 

[PAOK FC]

@Gebidozo @ExpatInItaly that's not true, I was never obsessed with her as long as we were together, we did everything because we both wanted so that's not true, the chemistry was great. I only became obsessive and tried to change on Saturday and that's why she was so cold nad serious, she tried to defend herself , I was wrong in my reaction of course but it came out of nowhere, and couldn't control my feelings, I should be more calm and discuss it with her differently, I admitted my fault on Monday and it closed well. So why do you believe I was obsessive with her? And about my close people they noticed her behaviour and told me the truth, do you really believe they all lie to me?

[PAOK FC]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Of coure you can. She is not under a legal contract to be with you. She is allwed to change her mind and not date you. 

You're starting to sound obssessive and the kind of man a young woman needs to stay away  from. I don't blame her for backing away. She likely picked up on this and you creeped her out.

Is  it normal to you to change your mind 4 times in 3 weeks? Also you didn't answer to my other question, what are the signs that show she doesn't know she wants? I want to know in general not only for this issue 

 

[PAOK FC]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Of coure you can. She is not under a legal contract to be with you. She is allwed to change her mind and not date you. 

You're starting to sound obssessive and the kind of man a young woman needs to stay away  from. I don't blame her for backing away. She likely picked up on this and you creeped her out.

Is  it normal to you to change your mind 4 times in 3 weeks? Also you didn't answer to my other question, what are the signs that show she doesn't know she wants? I want to know in general not only for this issue 

 

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, PAOK FC said:

So why do you believe I was obsessive with her?

You’re being very clearly obsessive now.

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, PAOK FC said:

what are the signs that show she doesn't know she wants?

Why are you so desperately hoping that she doesn’t know what she wants?

Let’s say it’s true, she doesn’t know what she wants. She gets together with you, then breaks up with you, then maybe she realizes she wants you after all and she gets together with you again, then she realizes again that she doesn’t know what she wants and breaks up with you again… Why would you want that? Wouldn’t you rather be with a woman who knows what she wants?

You need to have more self respect. Don’t chase a woman who has rejected you, for whatever reasons.

[PAOK FC]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

You’re being very clearly obsessive now.

Yes but I explained that I wasn't like that when I was with her

[PAOK FC]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

Why are you so desperately hoping that she doesn’t know what she wants?

Let’s say it’s true, she doesn’t know what she wants. She gets together with you, then breaks up with you, then maybe she realizes she wants you after all and she gets together with you again, then she realizes again that she doesn’t know what she wants and breaks up with you again… Why would you want that? Wouldn’t you rather be with a woman who knows what she wants?

You need to have more self respect. Don’t chase a woman who has rejected you, for whatever reasons.

Sending her after a month a "how are you" means that I still chase her? Because it was her first romantic experience I believe she felt like it was too much for her and that's why she felt overwhelmed and when I started to push pressure on her she tried to end the conversation and stay alone and think. Plenty of people need time to think things better, I'm not saying she will come back but she clearly felt confused, yes she took some answers about me but for everyone who wants something serious a week isn't enough to decide, have you ever heard any couple saying that they developed feelings within a week? I don't understand why I'm wrong to this. Also one of her last messages on Monday when she got calmer and understood that I wasn't try to convince her change her mind was that "it's very possible that I'm stuck in a loop that I don't understand and can't develop feelings for any guy because it's something new to me and can't open up fast, and that she will send me whenever she feels the need to do it". Those where her last words when we closed on Monday 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, PAOK FC said:

s  it normal to you to change your mind 4 times in 3 weeks?

What does it matter? She has told you she doesn't want to date you and doesn't feel the way you do. 

4 hours ago, PAOK FC said:

Also you didn't answer to my other question, what are the signs that show she doesn't know she wants?

Certainly not telling you she doesn't feel the way you do and doesn't want to continue. That was definitive. 

26 minutes ago, PAOK FC said:

but for everyone who wants something serious a week isn't enough to decide

It's enough to know you just don't want to see the person again. 

You don't seem to understand how attraction and dating works. At all. And your sense of entitlement to this girl's time and attention is off the charts. She owes you nothing. 

 

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

You’re being very clearly obsessive now.

This. 

And OP, believe me when I say she got a whiff of this when you pressured her to stay with you when she tried to break it off the first time. You might think you played it cool there but you don't understand how that looks to a woman. 

And really, all of this for a woman you went out with ...how many times? 

[PAOK FC]

12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This. 

And OP, believe me when I say she got a whiff of this when you pressured her to stay with you when she tried to break it off the first time. You might think you played it cool there but you don't understand how that looks to a woman. 

And really, all of this for a woman you went out with ...how many times? 

Of course I played it cool, I said the right words and changed her mind because sje understood I was right. I say it again she told me to meet again that day and discuss it better, and then she kissed me first and felt something and deeper and decided to continue it, do you believe I did something wrong the first time?

[ExpatInItaly]

7 minutes ago, PAOK FC said:

do you believe I did something wrong the first time?

I don't think you ever should have tired to persuade her to change her mind to begin with. 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

7 minutes ago, PAOK FC said:

sje understood I was right

You weren't right, though. 

It still ended up the same way, with her opting out. 

[PAOK FC]

31 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What does it matter? She has told you she doesn't want to date you and doesn't feel the way you do. 

Certainly not telling you she doesn't feel the way you do and doesn't want to continue. That was definitive. 

It's enough to know you just don't want to see the person again. 

You don't seem to understand how attraction and dating works. At all. And your sense of entitlement to this girl's time and attention is off the charts. She owes you nothing. 

 

 

 

I know that when she approaches first the attraction is very strong from her side, why to not see me again? We aren't enemies relax, it's very possible to meet her in a night out with friends , if she doesn't know what she wants she will tell that she doesn't feel the same because she wants distance for a while, relax and think more clearly without pressure . You can't stay only to that and not to all other things that happened before, we must seize everything. Many times people say things they don't mean because they are in a self defence phase, most women who don't know what they want say this until they feel emotionally available again 

Edited April 30 by PAOK FC

[ExpatInItaly]

5 minutes ago, PAOK FC said:

I know that when she approaches first the attraction is very strong from her side, why to not see me again?

Because her attraction and interest isn't as strong as you thought 

Let it go, and leave her be. You are going to wind uo very hurt otherwise, becuase she will date someone else sooner or later. 

How many time did you even go out with her? Three? 

Edited April 30 by ExpatInItaly

[PAOK FC]

12 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Because her attraction and interest isn't as strong as you thought 

Let it go, and leave her be. You are going to wind uo very hurt otherwise, becuase she will date someone else sooner or later. 

How many time did you even go out with her? Three? 

This doesn't mean she felt nothing, she felt but she is also confused that's why she needs time to realise all that happened, it was her first time, she lived something different something special. We went out 3 times and then she trusted me, came to my place and slept together, ate together, made plans together, she said I'll call you the next day for my friends to hear you, invited me to her house , she did everything possible to show me love and mutual interest, it was so special and beautiful. Maybe best day of my life 

[PAOK FC]

Hey everyone,

I (21) want to share a short but emotionally intense story that left me deeply confused. I’m trying to understand if I was dealing with someone with avoidant tendencies or just emotional uncertainty. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

I met her (20) about two months ago. We dated for just over a month, but the emotional weight made it feel much longer. The connection seemed promising and mutual — and she was the one who initiated everything. We met at a club where she came up to me, complimented my vibe, and from that moment forward, took the lead in getting closer.

 

By our second date, she was calling me mysterious and very smart, asking me how I saw her, flirting openly, and getting physically affectionate first (kissing me, holding hands, etc). She said she wanted something light and fun to start with — and that she felt safe and drawn to me.

 

But over the next three weeks, she changed her mind four times.

She went from enthusiastic and present to cold and uncertain almost overnight.

 

First shift: She told me she wasn’t sure about her feelings. Then, after talking via call, she changed her mind again — asked to meet up, kissed me first, held my hand tightly, and said:

 

> “Let’s give this another try. I want to try my best.”

 

 

 

The following weekend, we spent a full 24 hours together — cooking, talking, sleeping in each other’s arms. She wanted to take photos to remember the day. She told me that she would introduce me to her friends soon via call. She seemed present and emotionally open.

 

Then, within 48 hours — she ended it.

She said I was everything she was looking for on paper, and that the experience had been beautiful, but she didn’t feel the emotional "spark" or "mad infatuation" she thought she needed. She assured me she didn’t regret anything and that it had been very real, but she didn’t want to continue.

 

What broke me most:

The same day she broke up with me, she had gone to the gym earlier and went out with friends right after. It felt like she just walked away from something that meant a lot to me — without much thought. That contrast hit hard. But I know some avoidants cope through distraction.

 

Other signs:

 

She had never gotten emotionally close to any other guy before.

 

She told me she overthinks the past and keeps diary 

 

She said to return the stuffed bunny I had given her — not because it didn’t mean something, but because I might give it to someone I build a long-term relationship with in the future.

 

Since then, she hasn’t reached out. We’re both still in a shared Instagram group chat, but she doesn’t interact. I occasionally post.

 

 

Two days after the breakup, I texted her again. I told her that I had been emotionally overwhelmed the day we broke up and asked if we could talk more calmly.

At first, she was upset and cold, saying there was nothing left to say. She even seemed angry that I reached out again. But as the conversation unfolded and I told her I respected her decision, she became more understanding. She admitted:

 

> “You’re probably right. I may have fallen into a vicious cycle and uncertainty without realizing it. If I ever feel like reaching out again, I will.”

 

 

 

So I’m left wondering:

 

Was this avoidant behavior or just emotional confusion?

 

Why the back and forth? Why ask for photos, making plans, say it was beautiful, then disappear?

 

Do avoidants often feel overwhelmed when someone shows genuine love, and pull away instead of leaning in?

 

Do you believe it's possible to meet again through mutual friends? What will happen in this case?

 

I’m still working on letting go. But some part of me hopes she’ll reach out again one day — not because I’m waiting, but because I felt something meaningful between us.

 

If you’ve been through something similar, I’d love to hear your experience.

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

[Sanch62]

You're talking about someone who pursues guys easily, takes up with them and tries them out for a while, discovers she's not all that inspired, then moves on to the next.

Whatever psychology is behind that doesn't change the outcome for you. She moved on quickly without matching your emotional investment because she never matched it in the first place. That's why she broke up.

You can keep yourself stuck about this, or you can take it with enough grains of salt to move forward, yourself. I get that she seems special because she came along so easily and didn't require any effort from you, but at some point, you'll recognize the value in putting in your own efforts to find someone less fickle.

[PAOK FC]

10 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

You're talking about someone who pursues guys easily, takes up with them and tries them out for a while, discovers she's not all that inspired, then moves on to the next.

Whatever psychology is behind that doesn't change the outcome for you. She moved on quickly without matching your emotional investment because she never matched it in the first place. That's why she broke up.

You can keep yourself stuck about this, or you can take it with enough grains of salt to move forward, yourself. I get that she seems special because she came along so easily and didn't require any effort from you, but at some point, you'll recognize the value in putting in your own efforts to find someone less fickle.

How do you know she moved on to the next? She is virgin and never came that close with a guy before. Avoidants tend to break up when they feel overwhelmed, this doesn't mean she felt nothing. And the chemistry between us seemed perfect , how can you make plans for the next meetings asking for photos etc and then change your mind so quickly? This isn't logical, I translate it as "I like you but I'm afraid of commitment and stronger feelings"

Edited May 12 by PAOK FC

[Sanch62]

11 minutes ago, PAOK FC said:

How do you know she moved on to the next? She is virgin and never came that close with a guy before. Avoidants tend to break up when they feel overwhelmed, this doesn't mean she felt nothing. And the chemistry between us seemed perfect , how can you make plans for the next meetings asking for photos etc and then change your mind so quickly? This isn't logical, I translate it as "I like you but I'm afraid of commitment and stronger feelings"

You either credit this woman with the ability to handle her own emotions as she sees fit, or you don't. If not, then the only person you're keeping stuck is you. By "moving on to the next," I don't imply she already had someone lined up or that she sleeps around, but merely that she's moving forward, and her future will likely include meeting someone else as easily as she met up with you.

If you want to spin this into some mental or emotional deficit in her, you can do that--it's not against the law. It just won't buy you anything, especially with her.

So, since stagnation won't win her back, you can spin this into a decision that she was just too emotionally overwhelmed to know her own feelings, and you can put the hope of her return on the back burner while you move your focus forward. Build the kind of social life that grounds you and offers you the option to pursue someone else in time, or not. You get to pacify yourself with the idea that she'll reflect someday and return, even while you operate on that inspiration to move beyond grief and build the kind of life that will make you proud of your ability to thrive. This is a win/win, no matter how you slice it.

[PAOK FC]

21 minutes ago, Sanch62 said:

You either credit this woman with the ability to handle her own emotions as she sees fit, or you don't. If not, then the only person you're keeping stuck is you. By "moving on to the next," I don't imply she already had someone lined up or that she sleeps around, but merely that she's moving forward, and her future will likely include meeting someone else as easily as she met up with you.

If you want to spin this into some mental or emotional deficit in her, you can do that--it's not against the law. It just won't buy you anything, especially with her.

So, since stagnation won't win her back, you can spin this into a decision that she was just too emotionally overwhelmed to know her own feelings, and you can put the hope of her return on the back burner while you move your focus forward. Build the kind of social life that grounds you and offers you the option to pursue someone else in time, or not. You get to pacify yourself with the idea that she'll reflect someday and return, even while you operate on that inspiration to move beyond grief and build the kind of life that will make you proud of your ability to thrive. This is a win/win, no matter how you slice it.

Oh ok now I understand you better, to be fair, I can't forget her, she gave me some of the best days of my life, I know it sounds stupid and silly, but it's true, if she hadn't that emotional instability she would be the perfect partner, had amazing vibe. And I don't believe she didn't value the time we had together, she's not that kind of person. That's why I have the belief she might come back, but only time will tell. What would you advice me if see her again in a group meeting?

Edited May 12 by PAOK FC