The email I wish I could send.

[Stillfunn]

Things I wish I could say to my boyfriend's wife:

First of all, I have no intention or desire to win your husband over you.  You have a wonderful home, family and
a wonderful marriage, and I would not want to hurt that.
"John" and I developed a relationship over time, and we have been more seriously involved for the past 2 years.

I am only a year younger than you are, so it is not like this is a mid-life crisis for him where he needs to feed
his ego and be with a younger girl.  And, for what it is worth, I have met you once, and I think you are stunning.
I think you have a nicer body than me, and John has actually admitted that he likes your breasts more than mine!

He and I were not intimate for the longest time.  Then one day he told me about the fantasy/fetish of his that you
refuse to partake in, and I was agreeable to it, so our intimacy started based on that.
But the sex is such a small part of things.
I was there to offer added support when his mom died.  I actually picked out the flower arrangement that he sent
you for your last anniversary.  When you guys decided to remodel your kitchen, John's ideas were mostly mine, and
you have to admit - our combined ideas created an amazing kitchen!
The last few AirBnb's that your family stayed at were ones that I searched and found for you guys.
I want you all to be happy.
My point is, I see it as I am adding something extra to his life, and not take anything away from your relationship.
John and I have only spent two overnights together total- once in your bed, and the other here at my place. The other
700+ nights he has been holding you, and I have accepted that.
I honestly do not want that to change for you.

We only have sex maybe 1/2 of the time we get together. And 1/2 of those times we involve his fantasy/fetish.
I respect you for not doing those things with him if it would make you uncomfortable.  But doing it for John,
actually brought us closer together.  He said once that he felt like he was suffocating, and he needed that
to breathe again.   You guys have a 95% perfect marriage - I am just supplying the other 5%.

I hope you do not feel threatened by me.  I am not trying to steal your husband.
I wish there was a way we could co-exist, where John would not have to do so much sneaking around.
I am not proud about being involved with your man, but it is happening.
As far as I know, nothing has changed between you and John, and the "sex-schedule" the two of you have, has
not suffered.  He talks very openly about you, and your and his bedroom activities.
Bottom line is - you are the one he loves.
I am the one just helping him breathe.

I am free to answer any of your questions - I will always be completely honest with you.
Please don't hate me.

D

 

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Stillfunn said:

I am free to answer any of your questions -

That’s magnanimous of you. 

I wouldn’t expect that his wife will want to hear anything more from you, should you ever decide to send this email. What you’ve said is more than enough for her to know what she is dealing with…

Edited 19 hours ago by BaileyB

[ExpatInItaly]

Why do you wish you could send that, OP? 

What would you hope to gain from telling his wife all these things? 

[Gebidozo]

Goodness, what a toxic e-mail that is. Please don’t ever send anything like that to anyone, for your own safety.

I don’t know you, a person who gives free sexual services to other people’s husbands while admiring their wives’ breasts; I don’t know “John”, who cheats on his wife to get kinky sex from a woman who doesn’t respect herself; I don’t know “John’s” wife, who was dumb enough to marry someone like him. I don’t actually care what happens to this group of strangers, and yet I almost feel I could smack you for this e-mail.

The combination of utter lack of self worth and utter disrespect to the other person is as peculiar as it is deeply off-putting. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything that was so self-denigrating, self-humiliating, and at the same time patronizing and condescending.

Edited 13 hours ago by Gebidozo