baltimoregirl42 Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Pretty simple problem, but I have yet to find an easy solution. I hope someone can help. Here's the deal: I am 25, and somewhat interested in a guy I met who is 31. He's sweet, fun, and I think he's attractive (nice body, cute face, etc). I know that he is interested, as he has asked me out to dinner, over to his house when he had a party, and calls me a few times a week to see if I want to meet up for a drink, etc. He even calls me sometimes just to say and to let me know he was thinking about me. We have not yet done anything physical, except for a kiss on the cheek. He asked me to stay over one night after the party and I didn't (mostly because I didn't know him that well). Here's the problem, if you can even call it that. Every time I have seen him (including the night we met) he was wearing a baseball cap. I didn't think it was a big deal, I just figured he liked it. However, the other night I asked to see what his hair looked like (I was curious). He took off his hat to reveal a COMPLETELY shaved head. I don't know if he did that because he thought it looked good, or perhaps because he had started to lose his hair and that seemed like a good alternative, but I don't like shaved heads. I have never been attracted to a guy with a shaved head. I wish I wasn't bothered by it, but it turns me off. Everything else about him that I know, I like a lot. Is it horrible to decide not to date a guy because of something like this? I want to date him, and I like him, but I can't get over how much this turns me off. Help!!!!!
slubberdegullion Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 OK, here's the deal: If you don't like the fact that he's shaved his head (and, granted, very few white guys can pull it off without looking like a jerk) then ask him to grow his hair. But... and this is a HUGE but... don't be surprised if he suddenly says that he thinks your feet are too big, or something.
witabix Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Well I'd get it if he'd had to shave his feet, and was preoccupied with rings.
Adunaphel Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Do you have a problem with shaved heads or with bald guys? I mean, is it a matter of looks or is it that you associate shaved heads to a certain kind of personality/lifestyle?
basscatcher Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 I find almost every bald headed man absolutely adorable. Bald or shaved.. I was so strongly attracted to a guy this summer that shaved his head. I loved it when he took his baseball cap off. Gawd.. I loved to glide my fingers across his bald head and it aroused him.. I miss that man. He wasn't ready for a relationship. He is still hung up on some issue with is past... Damn it anyway.... He contacted me around Thanksgiving and apoligized for not being fair to me and explained to me why. It wasn't me!! It was him!! and I knew it all along.. But I have moved on from that experience... Some bald men are just irresistable...
Gator762 Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Totally shaved, as in shiny head? Or does he have very short hair like stubble? If it's real short, you can look for the regular balding spots at the forehead and back of the head.
Author baltimoregirl42 Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 It's TOTALLY shaved, to the scalp. I just don't like the way it looks and feels. I've always liked touching a guy's hair. Even if it was buzzed and just really short, I'd be okay with that. But the shaved down to the skin thing turns me off. Is it possible to get over these kinds of turn offs with time, like if I got to know him better I wonder????
slubberdegullion Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 SHAVED HEADS ARE HOT!! I find almost every bald headed man absolutely adorable. begins sharpening scissors, cleans mirror
wanda1974 Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 begins sharpening scissors, cleans mirror :lmao: :lmao:
l2hvn Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 personally, i don't like shaved heads... but some people will be willing to overlook the shaved head in favor of great personality and great sex.
witabix Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 begins sharpening scissors, cleans mirror Ha, I got a head start on you there Slub, none needed, I am au naturale. God only made a few perfect heads, the rest he covered in hair.
morrigan Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 I'm on the opposite side of the coin--I love men with shaved heads (some guys do have the perfect skull shape for it) but I'm totally turned off by guys who wear baseball caps. Chemistry is a strange thing. You might not get past it, or you might get to know him better and find him sexy overall. Some more time will tell. If it still turns you off, it turns you off.
Lishy Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 I love bald men and guys with skinheads and crops !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lishy Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 Ha, I got a head start on you there Slub, none needed, I am au naturale. God only made a few perfect heads, the rest he covered in hair. Let us see a pic of you Wit!!!!!!!!!
bluetuesday Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 bald is okay. baseball cap is okay. but bald and baseball cap - why would anyone who could avoid it want to look like they were having chemotherapy?
crazy_grl Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 baltimoregirl, if it turns you off, don't start dating him. If you two can hang out and spend time with each other like you have been w/o getting physical or anything, then there's no reason not to continue doing that. Maybe in time you won't mind his bald head or you could even grow to find it attractive on him... or you might not. No matter what the reason, you shouldn't get involved with him more than you are if you're not sure.
witabix Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 Let us see a pic of you Wit!!!!!!!!! Lishy, check out my profile, but prepare a sick bag, I am bald but I have a face that looks like a bulldog licking p1ss off a thistle!!
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 That is a tough one. I think if you like him alot and are sexually attracted to him, that won't change much how you feel about him. If it does continue to bug you and you're still turned off, it's a sign that you two are not supposed to be a couple.
tekqueen12722 Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 A lot of people may like a shaved head. However, if it turns you off from the beginning, then it will probably be a problem. There were a few things that turned me off about my X husband but he was a nice guy and I got past it. Well once the butterflies went away, all the things that turned me off came back; only a million times worse than the beginning. I know that may sound superficial, but it does not erase the "turnoff". A turnoff is a red flag. Don't ignore it...
Becoming Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 Is it possible that he has had chemotherapy?
buzzie2 Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 What about a guy that has a full head of natural (none died) brown hair, but has an all white mustache? The guy that I like drives me crazy. He would look so much younger (and hotter) if he would just shave off his mustache. He is 44 but looks 54 with it. I totally can understand how you feel. I think if you really like this guy, to put up with his appearance (just until things get really serious). Then I would sit him down and just be totally honest, say "I really love you, but I think you would look so much more attractive to me if you grew your hair back", If the guy really loves and cares about you, he will want to look attractive for you. Now I was wondering if someone could give ME some advice about my guy. Well we are not a couple yet, but I'm hoping one day we will be. I don't want to say anything yet because it's too soon. What are some subtle ways to get him to shave his mustache off? And could someone explain to me why on earth he would even want to have a mustache if it was all grey? Doesnt he realize how silly he looks? People laugh at him behind his back and say he looks like a zebra. Do you think it means he might have low self esteem? Thanks, if anyone can help I'd really appreciate it.
BlahBlahQueen Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 ...put up with his appearance (just until things get really serious). Then I would sit him down and just be totally honest, say "I really love you, but I think you would look so much more attractive to me if you grew your hair back", If the guy really loves and cares about you, he will want to look attractive for you. ...I don't want to say anything yet because it's too soon. What are some subtle ways to get him to shave his mustache off? And could someone explain to me why on earth he would even want to have a mustache if it was all grey? Doesnt he realize how silly he looks? People laugh at him behind his back and say he looks like a zebra. Do you think it means he might have low self esteem? Oh my f***ing God. Why why why. What a horrible double-standard. All this after everyone's told me to ditch my bf because he was doing the exact same thing to me. Is trying to change a person's appearance condoned behavior, or isn't it??? "I think you would look so much more attractive to me if you grew your hair back" "If the guy really loves and cares about you, he will want to look attractive for you." Yeah of course he will, after you've basically told him that he's not good enough, and used his love and insecurity for your own scheming. "People laugh at him behind his back and say he looks like a zebra. Do you think it means he might have low self esteem?" Oh, yeah, great, play the 'what would the neighbors think' card. No, it means you're gonna give him low self esteem if you ever do get into a relationship with him. "I don't want to say anything yet because it's too soon" "put up with his appearance (just until things get really serious)" AARGH!!! Conniving and manipulative! You can't trap someone and then after you've got them where you want them, start trying to mold them because they're emotionally hooked and are pretty much forced to give you your way. That is simply immoral. These things have to be brought to the table BEFORE things get serious so the person can decide with a clear mind whether they truly want to change. Men are not our puppets!!! It's completely fair to tell someone your expectations... BEFORE YOU MAKE A COMMITMENT. Sorry to flame about mustaches/haircuts , but I just loathe double standards and manipulation. 1
cygny Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 Oh my f***ing God. Why why why. What a horrible double-standard. All this after everyone's told me to ditch my bf because he was doing the exact same thing to me. Is trying to change a person's appearance condoned behavior, or isn't it??? "I think you would look so much more attractive to me if you grew your hair back" "If the guy really loves and cares about you, he will want to look attractive for you." Yeah of course he will, after you've basically told him that he's not good enough, and used his love and insecurity for your own scheming. "People laugh at him behind his back and say he looks like a zebra. Do you think it means he might have low self esteem?" Oh, yeah, great, play the 'what would the neighbors think' card. No, it means you're gonna give him low self esteem if you ever do get into a relationship with him. "I don't want to say anything yet because it's too soon" "put up with his appearance (just until things get really serious)" AARGH!!! Conniving and manipulative! You can't trap someone and then after you've got them where you want them, start trying to mold them because they're emotionally hooked and are pretty much forced to give you your way. That is simply immoral. These things have to be brought to the table BEFORE things get serious so the person can decide with a clear mind whether they truly want to change. Men are not our puppets!!! It's completely fair to tell someone your expectations... BEFORE YOU MAKE A COMMITMENT. Sorry to flame about mustaches/haircuts , but I just loathe double standards and manipulation. so are you saying that she should tell him upfront that unless he grows back his hair/gets a toupe' (or on the other one, shaves the mustache) she will not go out with him? or should she suppress her own feelings and accept him as he is? it's a tough call. i see what you are saying. maybe she could drop a hint and see what he does with it. like saying, hey, is this a style thing or a given? see what he does with it. maybe he does it thinking its attractive but just doesn't know. a humourous lighthearted approach is usually the best way to deal with it in a non-controlling way. in all likelihood, the guy is going bald, knows that is unattractive so has taken the initiative to shave his head. personally i would rather have a guy with a shaved head than one with a bald spot. ever since seeing yul brynner in 'the king and i'. i think it's kind of sexy. but to each his own. OTOH the baseball cap would be a deal-breaker for me. same with facial hair on a balding guy--if it looks like compensation for lack of head hair rather than a personal style, it looks weak and is a turn off for me. you shouldn't feel bad if its a turn-off. men certainly don't feel bad about their preferences in women's appearances. it's part of the deal.
Blackard Posted January 14, 2006 Posted January 14, 2006 : Is it horrible to decide not to date a guy because of something like this? I want to date him, and I like him, but I can't get over how much this turns me off. Help!!!!! You can waste a lot of years waiting around for "Mr. Perfect" to come along before you realize he doesn't exist. ;p
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