Lady Cathryn Posted April 27 Posted April 27 I posted here a few years ago. Extremely painful affair. We were then apart for three years. Please, my good people, do not revisit the pain. He found out my beloved horse (who I had for 35 years) died. He contacted me (yeah I know I didn’t block. Thought we had gone our separate ways.) We were right back into it again. Result? Same pain. I broke up with him again. Hurt terribly again. I knew it was something in ME that accepted the treatment. I discovered it was a trauma bond. He treated me exactly like my narc trait mother did when I was a child. Intermittent rewards accompanied by … Devaluing. Silent treatment. Etc. Emotional abuse wrapped in “I care! Oh but I cant care.” I was desperately trying to fix that childhood wound with someone who treated me the same as my mom did. So… I have met a really nice guy who doesn’t put my stomach in knots. He cares about me. Respects me. I’m calm. But It doesn’t feel like “love” because love means pain to me. I am giving this new relationship a chance. Very slowly. No sex just truly getting to know one another. My point being… I hold myself accountable for the misguided affair yet he took advantage of my vulnerability. TWICE! And I was suseptible. He knew I was vulnerable. I wanted love. Our puzzle pieces matched. Maybe we were both trying to fix something from our respective childhoods (opposite or the same) in ourselves with one another. I often think that affairs are ultimately trauma bonds. Look within to find the answers. Be well everyone. 2
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