Why does this guy do this?

[ExpatInItaly]

13 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Ok so this guy has showed you that he's not interested in being friends with you, for whatever reason

There's backstory in OP's other thread. 

A lot of drama all around. 

[basil67]

18 hours ago, NJooo said:

So the conversation of friendships and hanging out with people came up and he specifically told me that he is only just creating school friendships and nothing else, so I basically took that as he has no interest in hanging out with me as a friend so I left it alone.

He said he is interested in creating school friendships.  You took that as him having no interest in hanging out with you as a friend.   This makes zero sense.  

Do you have a history of sabotaging potential friendships?  

[NJooo]

16 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I don't see why you feel bad for her. She sounds assertive and like she can handle herself. Are you perhaps a little envious of her? That she managed to make plans with him and he doesn't seem to want to be friends with you anymore? I am not sure why you feel "so bad" for her, nothing terrible is going on there. 

That's just it - you took it that way. It doesn't mean you were right. In fact, it seems you were off the mark. Why did you assume that is what he meant? I wouldn't necessarily think he meant he didn't want anything to do with classmates outside of school. It seems that he meant he wasn't trying to date anybody, but just make friends with kids at school. So, that is what he is doing - making friends and hanging out with classmates. I don't see where he ever told you he didn't want to actually see anyone outside school hours. This doesn't make him a liar. It means that you made an incorrect assumption about what he said. 

You seem to still like him, despite your strong statements to the contrary. What I get from your posts is that you jumped the gun a bit by blocking him, and now that you have backtracked, you are seeing that actually he doesn't really care to be friendly with you anymore. And it's bothering you because you are seeing that he is hanging out with others, but freezes you out. 

I am going to guess you are all in highschool. Is that right? I promise in a couple years none of this will really matter anymore. 

your assumption is wrong. there is more to it that you don't know but thanks for your input.

[NJooo]

43 minutes ago, basil67 said:

He said he is interested in creating school friendships.  You took that as him having no interest in hanging out with you as a friend.   This makes zero sense.  

Do you have a history of sabotaging potential friendships?  

to you it makes no sense. there is more to the story than what i told you. i was the one who cut off the interaction because i noticed that the only time this person would interact and talk to me is if noone else was around it was almost as though i was the last resort but when others were around i got ignored as though i didn't exist so i decided that i didn't want that type of friendship and removed myself from the situation. 

[NJooo]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

There's backstory in OP's other thread. 

A lot of drama all around. 

ok thanks for your input

[NJooo]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

There's backstory in OP's other thread. 

A lot of drama all around. 

whatever drama that you are referring to is your own opinion of how you read it. i decided to remove myself from the situation because i was being treated like an outcast in the school and i did not feel that this was healthy for me to sit there and beg to be included in other people's circle so i removed myself from it. if someone only talks to you as a last resort when others aren't around would you continue to talk to them or just move on, so i moved on 

[NJooo]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

There's backstory in OP's other thread. 

A lot of drama all around. 

i'm also the only person of my race in that school and that's already alot of pressure as that school has had a history of allegedly being racist. i go to class i'm nice to everyone but i notice that when i try to engage with some people they just look at me as though they dont really want to talk or look at me as though i'm different. that's hard enough knowing that i'm the only person of my race in there and when i feel that i am able to connect with a few people they then blow me off when other people come around that are either their race or who appeals to them more. that is the reason why i quietly removed myself from the situation. i blocked the person because i thought that they were blowing the conversation out of proportion by saying they were just only making friendships and nothing else especially when i didn't imply that i was trying to look for more. i never said that i was looking for anything other than friendship, so that kind of weirded me out and i thought it was best to just leave the conversation after that and never revisit it again. if you have a problem with how i handled things that is your opinion you are entitled to that but i value myself enough to walk away from a situation if i feel as though i am not being valued or treated differently. 

[NJooo]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

He said he is interested in creating school friendships.  You took that as him having no interest in hanging out with you as a friend.   This makes zero sense.  

Do you have a history of sabotaging potential friendships?  

i'm also the only person of my race in that school and that's already alot of pressure as that school has had a history of allegedly being racist. i go to class i'm nice to everyone but i notice that when i try to engage with some people they just look at me as though they dont really want to talk or look at me as though i'm different. that's hard enough knowing that i'm the only person of my race in there and when i feel that i am able to connect with a few people they then blow me off when other people come around that are either their race or who appeals to them more. that is the reason why i quietly removed myself from the situation. i blocked the person because i thought that they were blowing the conversation out of proportion by saying they were just only making friendships and nothing else especially when i didn't imply that i was trying to look for more. i never said that i was looking for anything other than friendship, so that kind of weirded me out and i thought it was best to just leave the conversation after that and never revisit it again. if you have a problem with how i handled things that is your opinion you are entitled to that but i value myself enough to walk away from a situation if i feel as though i am not being valued or treated differently. 

[basil67]

OK, so you don't like him and don't trust him.   So why do you care what he does?

[NJooo]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

He said he is interested in creating school friendships.  You took that as him having no interest in hanging out with you as a friend.   This makes zero sense.  

Do you have a history of sabotaging potential friendships?  

no i don't have a history of sabotaging potential friendships but aside from the current topic that we are discussing i do have a history of people exhibiting one sided friendships, only contacting me when they need something, such as borrowing money or needing my help with something and when i reach out to just say hi or to check on them they go ghost....and this has happened to me alot and im at the point now where i have to start knowing my worth and not staying around people that devalue me 

[NJooo]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

OK, so you don't like him and don't trust him.   So why do you care what he does?

well at the end of the day i am a human being with feelings i figure i would just vent it out here instead but i think that wasn't a good idea

[NJooo]

16 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

I just saw your other thread. You forgot to mention here that this came up because you told him that you unfriended him on SM. You misunderstood what he meant by his defensive statement about just trying to make friends and "nothing else". When you found out that he's doing exactly what he said--making friends with his classmates, and nothing else--as in, not trying to date them, you decided that he lied to you, and now you want to freeze him out of a simple hello.

I think you have a crush on the guy, and you tried to get his attention in a negative way by telling him you unfriended him. That blew up in your face. Now you're mad at him for no good reason, and you think refusing to say hello to him will help you repair this?

I'd skip that idea. All this negative attention-seeking will only cause him to think you are nuts. I'd quit that, be kind, and allow this awkwardness to pass. Time heals, so allow it to do its job.

I never had a problem with what he said about only making school friendships, that was not the problem at all. The reason why I cut off communication with this person is because I began to notice that the only time he would talk to me is if no one else was available to talk to. When others were around I was treated as the outcast and pretty much ignored as though what I had to say didn't matter pr as though I did not exist. I am also the only person of my race there and sometimes when I try to make conversation with the other students they may quickly say something to me and then just stop talking to me and act as though they do not wish to engage in conversation. I have no problem being friendly with other people at the school but I notice that happens alot. Also the school has been known in the past to be allegedly racist and certain students of a particular race had been discriminated against by the staff. So my reason for cutting him off was simply that I wanted to make genuine connections with friends, not people who only talked to me as a last resort when others weren't around. That's how I was treated by him when other people came around. So I just decided not to make friends there. I decided to just go to class mind my business, be nice to everyone which I do and not engage in any kind of friendship engagement that is apart of hanging out outside of class. He knows that as well. I mentioned that I am just there to focus on my studies at this point and I'm not there to make any friendships anymore. I'm just there to be nice and treat everyone with respect. I made that decision after seeing how others were treating me when I tried to be nice and engage in conversation how I was being excluded and treated like an outcast so I just removed myself from the situation. When he brought up the making friends and nothing else that threw me off because I never said that I wanted anything romantically and I just felt so embarrassed and awkward after he mentioned that because that was not what I meant at all. 

[NJooo]

16 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

I just saw your other thread. You forgot to mention here that this came up because you told him that you unfriended him on SM. You misunderstood what he meant by his defensive statement about just trying to make friends and "nothing else". When you found out that he's doing exactly what he said--making friends with his classmates, and nothing else--as in, not trying to date them, you decided that he lied to you, and now you want to freeze him out of a simple hello.

I think you have a crush on the guy, and you tried to get his attention in a negative way by telling him you unfriended him. That blew up in your face. Now you're mad at him for no good reason, and you think refusing to say hello to him will help you repair this?

I'd skip that idea. All this negative attention-seeking will only cause him to think you are nuts. I'd quit that, be kind, and allow this awkwardness to pass. Time heals, so allow it to do its job.

When I unfriended him he asked me what happened and my response to him was that I decided to remove him because I am just using my social media to friend people that I interact with on a daily basis and form connections with, friendships and networking. I mentioned to him that the people that i have on my friends list are people that I hang out with in real life and they are people that I connect with and have friendships with and do networking. When I said that he then responded and told me that he was just creating school friendships and nothing else. 

[NJooo]

17 hours ago, Sanch62 said:

I just saw your other thread. You forgot to mention here that this came up because you told him that you unfriended him on SM. You misunderstood what he meant by his defensive statement about just trying to make friends and "nothing else". When you found out that he's doing exactly what he said--making friends with his classmates, and nothing else--as in, not trying to date them, you decided that he lied to you, and now you want to freeze him out of a simple hello.

I think you have a crush on the guy, and you tried to get his attention in a negative way by telling him you unfriended him. That blew up in your face. Now you're mad at him for no good reason, and you think refusing to say hello to him will help you repair this?

I'd skip that idea. All this negative attention-seeking will only cause him to think you are nuts. I'd quit that, be kind, and allow this awkwardness to pass. Time heals, so allow it to do its job.

I’m not negative attention seeking. I just decided to know my worth and just engage with people who truly wanted to engage back and reciprocate. In my life I’ve had a lot of people treat me as a last resort option and I’ve also had people just use me for when they wanted something and only called me up when they either wanted money or something else. I’m talking about just life in general