How to make this guy to care for me after sleeping together?

[anicka]

Hello I met with a guy and slept with him on first date yeaa I know too early after that we was still interested and texted me didn't disappear after sex... but then we met and slept again together...On the second date he asked me if I want to be his girlfriend and said that he will ask me this just one time no more,,I said I have to think about that..then next morning he was kinda different not very affectionate...and this time I asked him if he wants to be my boyfriend and he said he's happy with me but don't want girlfriend now,I said how is that possible because yesterday he asked me and he didn't answered....

So after the second date he wasn't texted me mabye because I told him not to text me and if I want too see him I will text him...Have to say that he is still on dating apps

My question is does he care for me or want just sex ?

When I asked him if I can to sleep with other guys he just said your life....So obviously he's not jealous or care if someone else will took me...

How to make him to care for me , because I don't want to be just a girl with who he sleeps...

 

Edited Friday at 01:53 PM by anicka

[stillafool]

Why are you asking this when he already has asked you to be his girlfriend and you rejected him?  Why didn't you say yes then?  He told you he would only ask you that one time.  Then you go on to tell him not to text you and you'll text him if you want to see him. Why?  On top of all of this you go and ask him if you can sleep with other guys (as if you have to ask his permission) and now you're saying he's back on dating apps.  You know what?  I don't blame him one bit.  You are playing games and he now thinks you're flakey and not to be taken seriously.  You've turned him off.  Stop playing games with guys and say what you really want.

[Gebidozo]

I don’t quite understand you, OP. He asked you to be his girlfriend and you didn’t say yes. You also asked him whether you could sleep with other guys. You told him not to text you. It is pretty clear that you don’t care for him very much.

Then why are you asking us whether he cares for you? You’re playing games with him. Regardless of what he might have felt before, you have now turned him off. No guy wants to be played with.

 

 

[Nonya]

Why do you want him to care? Sounds like this is a sex relationship only. So take it as it is or rather what you made it 

[anicka]

5 hours ago, stillafool said:

Why are you asking this when he already has asked you to be his girlfriend and you rejected him?  Why didn't you say yes then?  He told you he would only ask you that one time.  Then you go on to tell him not to text you and you'll text him if you want to see him. Why?  On top of all of this you go and ask him if you can sleep with other guys (as if you have to ask his permission) and now you're saying he's back on dating apps.  You know what?  I don't blame him one bit.  You are playing games and he now thinks you're flakey and not to be taken seriously.  You've turned him off.  Stop playing games with guys and say what you really want.

I definitely wasn't playing games,I would say that he's playing,for example why to ask me to be his girlfriend just one time what's the point here... And if he didn't wanted to see other guys he could just say

And to mention that later I asked him to be my boyfriend but he said no I don't want a girlfriend now....😑

[basil67]

47 minutes ago, anicka said:

And to mention that later I asked him to be my boyfriend but he said no I don't want a girlfriend now....😑

I'm sure he wants a girlfriend, but he's waiting to find one who behaves as a potential girlfriend would.  

You've set yourself up as a F buddy and that's now how he sees you.

[anicka]

48 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I'm sure he wants a girlfriend, but he's waiting to find one who behaves as a potential girlfriend would.  

You've set yourself up as a F buddy and that's now how he sees you.

He was the one that wanted sex on first date so I don't know if he was looking for girlfriend...

But let's say I don't want to be f.b. so what to do just to tell him or can somehow change his mind?

[basil67]

4 minutes ago, anicka said:

He was the one that wanted sex on first date so I don't know if he was looking for girlfriend...

But let's say I don't want to be f.b. so what to do just to tell him or can somehow change his mind?

I think it's too late.  He's already made it clear that he's not interested in a relationship with you now.

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, anicka said:

I definitely wasn't playing games,I would say that he's playing,for example why to ask me to be his girlfriend just one time what's the point here... And if he didn't wanted to see other guys he could just say

And to mention that later I asked him to be my boyfriend but he said no I don't want a girlfriend now....😑

But it was you who first didn’t accept his offer to be boyfriend and girlfriend. And it was you who asked him whether you could sleep with other men. Of course he doesn’t want a girlfriend who behaves like this. What did you expect?

[Gebidozo]

8 minutes ago, anicka said:

He was the one that wanted sex on first date so I don't know if he was looking for girlfriend...

 

What’s the connection? Wanting or not wanting to have sex on first date has nothing to do with looking or not looking for girlfriend.

He made it clear that he wanted you as a girlfriend when he asked you to be his girlfriend. You refused, asked him whether you could sleep with other guys, and told him not to text you. Naturally, now he doesn’t want you as his girlfriend anymore.

If next time you are interested in a relationship with a man, please don’t play such mind games with him. It’s a sure way to make him not want you as a girlfriend.

[ShyViolet]

You can't "make" someone want you.  It sounds like this guy isn't interested.  Just accept that and move on.

You sent him very mixed messages in the beginning so that might be what messed this up.  Or maybe it never would have went anywhere no matter what you did.

[Jolienyc]

Sorry, First of all, you've already become the girl he sleeps with.

As for whether he only wants sex — it seems like that's the main thing he's looking for right now. His actions speak louder than words. He asked you to be his girlfriend, but the very next day, he said he doesn’t want a relationship. That shows confusion or a lack of seriousness.

Also, the fact that he’s still on dating apps and didn’t mind when you mentioned sleeping with other guys shows he’s not emotionally invested. If someone truly cares, they don’t act indifferent like that.

If you don’t want to be just someone he sleeps with, you need to treat him the same way he's treating you — casually and with boundaries. Don’t invest emotionally unless he clearly shows he wants more than just a physical connection. Let him earn your care and attention, don’t give it for free.

You deserve someone who chooses you, not someone who keeps you around for convenience.

[Carlston]

If you want to be treated respectfully, don't act in such a way that people don't feel the need to respect you.

To put it another way, when you sleep with a guy on the first day you come across as cheap and lacking value. 

 

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, Carlston said:

To put it another way, when you sleep with a guy on the first day you come across as cheap and lacking value. 

That’s a very disrespectful thing to say.

If a man thinks a woman is “cheap” and “lacking value” (strange adjective to describe a human being, by the way! one might have thought you were describing a trinket sold in a shop) because she chooses to sleep with him after the first date, that’s 100% the man’s problem.

A number of women have slept with me after the first date and I have nothing but respect for them.

The problem here is not all the OP’s choice to sleep with that guy, but her insincere and manipulative communication with him afterwards.

[anicka]

Well I agree with his answer a bit , maybe you are not that kind of guy but there are some guys that will treat you like cheap option after they get what they want..

Mabye there was nothing wrong with my behaviour mabye sex was all that he wanted, because if he didn't want he would be good guy and he wouldn't sleep with me or at least he wouldn't act like this after sleeping with him..

Because if you really want some girl you will try to understand that behaviour and solve it with talking..

Edited Sunday at 07:55 PM by anicka

[anicka]

4 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

That’s a very disrespectful thing to say.

If a man thinks a woman is “cheap” and “lacking value” (strange adjective to describe a human being, by the way! one might have thought you were describing a trinket sold in a shop) because she chooses to sleep with him after the first date, that’s 100% the man’s problem.

A number of women have slept with me after the first date and I have nothing but respect for them.

The problem here is not all the OP’s choice to sleep with that guy, but her insincere and manipulative communication with him afterwards.

Well I agree with his answer a bit , maybe you are not that kind of guy but there are some guys that will treat you like cheap option after they get what they want..

Mabye there was nothing wrong with my behaviour mabye sex was all that he wanted, because if he didn't want he would be good guy and he wouldn't sleep with me or at least he wouldn't act like this after sleeping with him..

Because if you really want some girl you will try to understand that behaviour and solve it with talking..

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, anicka said:

Well I agree with his answer a bit , maybe you are not that kind of guy but there are some guys that will treat you like cheap option after they get what they want..

But such guys aren’t even worth continuing to sleep with, let alone having a relationship with.

If a guy doesn’t respect you because you chose to sleep with him as soon as you wanted, just discard him like the rotten misogynistic apple that he is. If that happens, it’s entirely his loss, not yours.

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, anicka said:

Mabye there was nothing wrong with my behaviour mabye sex was all that he wanted, because if he didn't want he would be good guy and he wouldn't sleep with me

What you’re saying is incorrect on two levels.

1) Only wanting to have sex and agreeing to have sex with a willing woman doesn’t make a guy bad. A bad guy is someone who lies and manipulates and misleads the woman, not someone who sleeps with her when both sides are willing.

2) Him agreeing to sleep with you so soon has absolutely no correlation to the level of seriousness of his intentions. It happened to me several times that I slept with the woman after the 3rd date and then I wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with her. it also happened to me that I slept with a woman much sooner, and that developed into a relationship.

Having sex helps a person to understand whether a relationship is going to be pursued, or where the relationship is going. Precipitating or delaying it plays no role in those considerations.

The bottom line is this, people should have sex when they are both willing to do it at the same time. Beyond that, there is no security and no guarantee that anything will come out of it, regardless of how soon it happens.

[marinnna]

I met with a guy we slept twice together but we are not in a relationship.Last time I forgot my earrings at his place not on purpose must to say.. I asked him if he found my earnings and he said yes and that we will gi e them to me ..I said why you to give me them you are probably busy I will send someone and he left me on seen but that oki because I saw that he is not in town but then after he come back he didn't texted me back either...Then I texted him again when he cam give me my earrings he replied "Sorry I completely forgot I will give you them tomorrow evening on saturday is that oki?"Then next day I replied oki what time you can come to see if is oki for me? Then he didn't opened my message and I unsend it , and then at 2 night he texted with I sorry I will give you them tomorrow...

Then I said why you complicate if you can't I literally can send someone to pick them up...He said he was sick that day and that he slept that night... asked me where I am and that we will deliver them to me..

Later I replied that I can't today but he cal go to my house and left them at the gate to security guy... and said get well soon.

He didn't opened my message for hours and finally seen it at 1 night and left me on seen again...

So I don't understand what he's doing are  he just playing with me? Should I text him again to bring them?If he doesn't want to see me I gave him option to left them without us meeting...

 

Edited Monday at 01:26 AM by marinnna

[Lisa]

@anicka and @marinnna are the same member

[Sofia1]

I slept with a guy twice but we are not in relationships..The last time I forgot my earrings at his place.We haven't texted for couple day then I asked him if he found my earrings at his place he said yes he found them and that he will give me them.Then I replied with why you to give me them you probably busy I will send someone to pick them..And he left me on seen but okk because I saw that he is not in the town that time but when he got back he didn't replied texted either.. So I texted him again after couple days to ask if he can bring my earrings he said I so sorry I completely forgot I will bring them to you this Saturday evening is that oki? So on Saturday I replied to tell me where he can come to see if is oki for me?He didn't opened my message for hours and I unsend it ,then at 2 h night he texted with I so sorry I will come and bring them tomorrow...The next day I replied with I don't understand why you complicate I literally can send someone to take them! Then he replied that he was sick yesterday and that he slept that night which is obviously I lie I think and asked me where I I am he will deliver them to me...Then I replied get well soon,I can't today but you can go if you want to my house and give them at the gate to security guy...He read message at night and left me on seen again? So is this guy just playing with me ? Should I text him again to bring me them?If he doesn't want to see me I offered him way to give me them back without us meeting!

[BaileyB]

Ask him when he will be home and then go pick up your earrings…. For that matter, he can put them in the mailbox and you can stop by and pick them up. This seems like a whole lot of unnecessary drama for both of you, to be very honest. 

[Sofia1]

3 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Ask him when he will be home and then go pick up your earrings…. For that matter, he can put them in the mailbox and you can stop by and pick them up. This seems like a whole lot of unnecessary drama for both of you, to be very honest. 

Yess that's the problem he makes it complicated... that's way I don't understand him he can just bring them to my home and leave them but instead he doesn't answer,he doesn't collaborate 

[Acacia98]

He clearly has no intention of returning them. I don't know why, though. Are they valuable? 

[Sofia1]

11 minutes ago, Acacia98 said:

He clearly has no intention of returning them. I don't know why, though. Are they valuable? 

No just regular earnings but one of my favourite so I don't want to leave to him...

I would suggest that he doesn't want to see me again but that's way I gave him option to send someone or to leave them at my house but still no response...