Is my teacher favouring me indeed and why?

[Bianca]

Hi! I’m a (23F) currently attending a night program for adults, and one of my teachers (65M) has been acting differently towards me and I’m genuinely trying to understand what might be going on from a professional or psychological point of view.

He’s always confident and very composed with everyone else, but around me, he seems oddly tense, especially in public or near other school staff. He makes normal eye contact with everyone but barely looks me in the eye even while discussing something with me. He's not shy with eye contact at all when it comes to others. He lingers in the street with me everytime there's the chance after our night classes and sometimes jokes about how he was looking forward to “still catch me” , although our last class wasn't even together - I assume he simply knows my schedule a bit by casually noticing we leave at the same time on that night of the week. If I say I’m fine or don’t need company, he’ll stay anyway. He’s also asked me more than once how long it takes me to get home, what my trip is like, and where I live, which I don't mind because he's friendly.

He has completely ignored multiple errors of mine in assigned tasks while calling everyone else out for the very same mistakes - when I privately mentioned I had noticed the mistakes and was going to correct them immediately, he got tense and said it didn't matter because the evaluation was complete (turns out it wasn't) and hurried to leave, told me I didn't need to fix it unless I really wanted to and if it weren't too bothersome. I keep this secret from my peers when I can, as it'd only make them more uncomfortable about it but feel guilty.

Another thing that stands out is how he responds when I miss class. He tends to privately check in with me afterward - something he doesn't do with other students. Lately, he’s become almost paranoid, I think: before speaking to me in the street, he looks around to make sure no one is watching, and he quickly walks off if someone from the school staff happens to be about to pass by. That behavior is weird to me because it’s not like we’re doing anything wrong, and I’m just another student. That secrecy is unnecessary. He's been making a habit out of intensely squeezing my arm too when we're alone, but I think he's just trying to be funny or look friendlier.

I’m wondering if anyone here has insight into why a teacher might act this way toward just one student. Is it awkwardness, a lack of boundaries, or just an emotional connection that neither person knows how to name or manage? And more importantly — why would someone like him, who’s so confident, become so visibly nervous around one student if he doesn’t feel anything at all? Are my peers right for believing he favours me in some way?

[basil67]

We are not in his mind and don't know what he's thinking.   But if he's making you uncomfortable, report him to the college and show them what you wrote here.  

Edited April 23 by basil67

[ShyViolet]

On 4/23/2025 at 2:02 AM, Bianca said:

I’m wondering if anyone here has insight into why a teacher might act this way toward just one student. Is it awkwardness, a lack of boundaries, or just an emotional connection that neither person knows how to name or manage? And more importantly — why would someone like him, who’s so confident, become so visibly nervous around one student if he doesn’t feel anything at all? Are my peers right for believing he favours me in some way?

How are we supposed to know, we would be only speculating.  The bottom line is that you know this is inappropriate and on some level this makes you uncomfortable. You should be putting up boundaries.  Stop feeling obligated to allow all this and be "nice."  Whenever he tries this stuff I would say "I have to go." and just leave.  Maybe he should be reported to the college.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would be very uncomfortable with this man's behaviour. 

He should not be asking where you live or squeezing your or several other things. We can't tell you what is going through his mind but please don't hesiate to put a stop to this. If he doesn't stop, you need to speak to someone of authority on your campus. 

 

[stillafool]

Is he making you uncomfortable with his behavior?

[MsJayne]

Sounds like Grandpa's got a crush on you. He's 65, you're 23, and even if he's still an attractive man it's creepy that he's angling at a student 42 years younger than him.  Lots of aging people find younger people attractive, but acting on it smacks of egotism and self-delusion. If any of your student peers find out he favours you in the marking process there'll be trouble.