skeptik224 Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 I woke up this morning with a weird, eirie feeling in the pit of my stomach. That's happened 2 days in a row. It doesn't feel like a panic attack but I don't know what it is. It's been 3 days of NC, and I'm actually "ok" not talking to her. I don't want to dial the phone every second or e-mail/text her. I do, however, think a lot about our last conversation via e-mail. I'd like to believe that she didn't aknowledge my feelings of "think about you often" or "if you want to get together at some point, let me know" as her way of trying to put space between us. We both have been going back/forth for 3 months now so it'd make sense. One of us has to put our foot down. But...my heart is feeling sorrow and sadness right now - for both of us. I'd like to think that she didn't bs me in any way sinc eshe's a very direct and honest person. Heck, when her last ex wanted to go to therapy, she said "ok but my hearts not in it." So...I can only believe the things she's told me in the past. I know this break-up had nothing to do with me but where SHE was but it sucks when someone says that things would have been totally different and we'd still be going strong if we had hooked up 6 months later. I feel sad that she gave up someone like me to date around....I have a stable job, a great group of friends and am secure in who I am. I'm emotionally stable and when I have weak moments, I'm not afraid to show it. It breaks my heart that she chose to leave me to date around...
Tony79 Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 I hear ya man. I got the same line from my ex, if we met 6 months or a year later. The thing that I am starting to realize is that maybe she just needs to truly know 110% that she wants to be with you. And to top it off if she comes back and you feel that and she proves that to you, then your relationship will be so much better than before. And do not hold her to anything she does during this break, sleeping around, dating etc. This is just how she needs to handle this in order to fully beleive. Since my ex broke up with me last sunday she has in someway been in contact with me. The last two days I have not responded to anything, she sounds horrible on the phone, and I want to so call her back. But she needs this time, its to much of a rollercoaster, she might know she made a mistake and the same with yours. But in the end, if it is meant to be, she will come to you. People say not to have to much hope, but reality is if your heart feels a certain way, do not change that and hope. Hope is good, right now my hope kills me and is losing the battle, but at the end it will win the war.
UT_longhorn Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 skeptic...thanks for the replies on my post. dude. do u see the light at the end of the tunnel, cause I sure dont. I'm really dreading it because honestly, after 11 days, I thought I'd be pretty solid. I'm still a mess. Whats the longest you've been in NC with her? Whats in your future at this point? More no contact? This is driving me nuts.
Author skeptik224 Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 The longest she and I have gone without contact was 2 weeks. The first time she broke the contact by showing up at my door. The 2nd time, I broke it which was this past Monday. I am going to be strong and not contact her at all. If she calls me, I'll decide IF and HOW I want to respond. She was kind of ****ty (although I'm sure it was because she's busy at work) with our last interaction. I put the ball in her court to let me know if she wanted to get together. If she doesn't, it's her loss. She's emotionally unstable at this point and is working to improve herself. (which is a great thing) She needs to do things for herself just like I do. NC is something that I HAVE TO DO and SO DO YOU! It only put me back to square one with her. I know that I'll run into her when I'm out at some point. There's a strong attraction between the 2 of us, and she knows what a great catch I am. I don't know what my future holds. I hope it holds her with me, but in all honesty, I know if we never get back together that at some point we will end up friends. Maybe not the type of friend to hang out all the time, but I know we'll be able to communicate on a friendship level at some point. I can't do that to myself now. I'm just not ready. The difference between our situations is that for the past 3 months that we've been broken up, we've kissed, talked and e-mailed. One thing is that we both agree that we can't keep going back/forth. It's not good for either of us. So, since I want a committment from her and she wants to date around, it's NC for me. The people she dates will have some HUGE shoes to fill. I'm putting myself back in therapy because this situation has made me realize I have more things to work on. I've also (as silly as this sounds) started meditating....(don't ask:lmao: ) She knows how I feel. I love her and am in love with her - and if we can't be together, I have to go NC until I've fallen out of love. It's going to take some time for you to be solid, my friend. One minute you will be - the next you'll cry - the next you'll be mad - then you'll be happy. You've got a crapload of emotions to deal with. Be patient with yourself. Don't beat yourself up like I do...don't analyze it like I do...just breathe and lean on all of us at LS. We'll help you get through it...
UT_longhorn Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 skeptic...thats whats crazy. talking to her can make u go back to step 1! but what happened after she showed up at your door? what did you guys talk about? what happened after that? that would really F me up if my ex showed up and didnt want to get back together. I hope it doesnt happen. So now that youre on day 3 of NC again, is it as hard as the first time around? I've been thinking about the meditation think as well. Does it help? I may try that. But Im also gonna sign up for a gym membership soon. Im gonna just try to stay as busy as possible. I gotta stop feeling sorry for myself.
Author skeptik224 Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 I practically crapped in my pants when she showed up. We had been broken up almost 2 months. I was in my driveway getting into my car and there she was! The first thing she said was "were you ever going to call me?" We hugged and talked...I could only talk for a few minutes. We talked about basic life - her family, mine and everyday things....it was very light. It would have been the 9 year mark of her and her exes anniversary, and she said she just went for a walk. (which she does do) I live about 2 miles from her house. After talking for about 15 minutes, I had to go. She hugged me - HARD - and DID NOT WANT TO LET GO! I looked in her eyes and only saw sadness. The same sadness that I saw 3 weeks ago when she came by. Is it as hard? Yes. I start to analyze why things went the way they did. I start to wish that I was ok with dating her while she (and I) were dating others. Then I start to think that I deserve the whole loaf of bread - not just the crumbs. Last night was the first time I meditated. A female friend gave me a cd by Suzannah Galland. I don't think my mind has EVER been as relaxed as it was last night. It was amazing. It sounds silly, but it worked for the time being. I say try it. She has a website if you want the cd. Anyway, I intend on joining a gym as well...I've just been procrastinating. As of last month, my picture was still up in her office. She made a comment that she sees me everyday (that's how I found out it was up) I know she misses me and wants nothing more - at the least - to be my friend. When I'm ready, if I'm ready, I'll get in touch with her. Until then, she knows how to get in touch with me...She drives past my work, knows where I live - hell, she lived with me for almost a month. She knows my cell, work number and my e-mail address. I'd like to think that I'd be strong enough not to answer, but who knows. I know I'll be ok and just have to go through these emotions now. ~~I'm leaving work now, but I'll check on your reply tomorrow... Be strong - don't call her!
UT_longhorn Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 thats exactly what im scared of...my ex, coming to me saddend with no intention of getting back with me. i think that would just crush me. i really hope to be friends with this girl but i do not think that we can for a looooong time. you know, it just really sucks that people have to be in out situation. but i really am thankful for alot of the blessing i have, its just hard to see the gold behind the filter of pain. but yea skeptic, im gonna try to man up and just keep pushing. im sure my friends are tired of hearing me whine. s***, im tired of hearing myself whine. I know that 11 days has been an enternity for me, but bring on the pain. its time to face it head on.
riobikini Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Read your posts. Both you guys are beginning to talk sense. (Smile) -Rio
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