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My grandma died and idk how to feel?


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I feel guilty that I feel relief. 

But she #1, had pretty severe dementia at this point and very little quality of life.

And #2, I had a pretty abusive childhood with her. I spent much of my time with her as a kid. It was to the point where being around her made me ill, to this current point in my life. 

But she passed about 24 hours ago and I'm not sure what I feel. Its a complicated grief. Her last couple of weeks I had a couple pleasant interactions with her. And there WAS occasional good times. But the bad so heavily outweighed it.

I'm sad for her because she had very little friends (because she was so mean). But I also believe she likely had an undiagnosed personality disorder of sorts.

My dad (her son) also had a very complicated and difficult relationship with her. And was her primary caregiver until about a month ago. She ended up hospitalized after a fall and declined rapidly. 

I'm not sure what my question is, more just to get it off my chest. I feel bad that I don't feel bad

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