TheBlingRing14 Posted April 18 Posted April 18 Oh, the good old Online Dating....I am not really devastated, just perplexed, that's all. So, I started talking with a guy from a dating app. We seemed to have quite a lot in common. Eventually, he commented about wanting to meet up for a date. He went so far as to pick out a few restaurants and asked for my input on them, as well as asked my feeling on other activities. (Hiking, museums, etc) This felt fast, but also.....probably right, if that makes sense. So many times on these forums, and forums like these, I read that when OLD, the goal is to not drag it out too long and to get to the actual meeting part as soon as possible. So...as I said....this felt like the right trajectory. He didn't seem to be wanting to do pen pals or to waste my time, which I appreciated. The next day, in the evening, I reached out to him. He pretty much immediately asked for a video chat. We exchanged a couple of messages of pleasantries, but he wanted a video chat. Which again....very assertive. But, also, it just re-enforced that the pace he was on was one of someone serious about actually dating, not someone lingering around to waste time. He seemed to be going through the steps of someone who was intent to meet. Okay fine. So, I hop on and do a video chat. Which lasts for 4 hours, and would have probably gone longer had I not been falling asleep. He literally told me we could talk all night if I wanted. It wasn't perfect, no. He was very easy to talk to. But, we didn't have quite in much in common as it seemed. I guess when in chat form, you are hitting the greatest hits, it's easy to find common interests. But, once actually fleshing someone out, you see the paths diverge a little bit. Which isn't a bad thing. Little comments he made throughout the chat hinted at meeting up with each other, and sometimes very obvious ones too. But, mostly I got to know him, he got to know me. Great. My devices died a couple of times. Now....I wouldn't have been shocked or upset had he been like, "Hey it was great talking, seems like we got disconnected, but let's talk another night." and called it a night. I have done that myself in similar situations. But, he actually kept calling me back. Even after 3 hours of talking. I am not saying that in a swooning way, but more in a logical way.....just.....if a guy isn't interested, it makes sense to cut the conversation off there, instead of continuing it, right? As the conversation wound down, he re-iterated some of the date ideas we had discussed. He made a comment that the fact that we were still talking, 4 hours later, was probably a good sign. But, like I said, I was nodding off, so we said our goodbyes. He told me Good Morning, the next day, and that's the last I heard from him. I did reach out that evening, but.....no response. I am not blocked....or unmatched. I'm well aware he could have seemed one way in the moment and then...after thinking about it, changed his mind. I suppose there is also a chance that he just isn't the pen pal type, going back to the earlier comments. And maybe until we can set an actual date, he doesn't really want to chat and over-communicate? No questions I guess....just wanted to vent.
Sony12 Posted April 18 Posted April 18 No way of knowing for sure but if he was willing to talk to you for four hours he likely was enjoying the conversation. One thing to remember though is that if you enjoyed talking to him for four hours chances are good there are other gals who enjoy doing the same thing with him. Most of the time these people that have these long pre-meeting conversation are talking to multiple people and at times have individuals lining up to talk to them. So chances are you just weren't the only person he was talking to.
enterthevoid Posted April 18 Posted April 18 (edited) How long has it been since you reached out? If it's only been a day or two, there could be a chance. It's possible they enjoyed the conversation, but just don't feel romantic chemistry. But to be fair, it's hard to get chemistry from pixels on a screen. For that reason, doing a video call instead of a real-life date is playing dating on "hard mode". In the future, I wouldn't invest that much into a phone call with someone you haven't met. If they wanted to video call me to see if I'm real, I'd do that for 15 mins and then setup an IRL date. Edited April 18 by enterthevoid
Alpacalia Posted April 19 Posted April 19 The reality is that there could be any number of reasons why he hasn't reached back out. Vent away—this stuff is frustrating! But you’re doing everything right: staying open, managing expectations, and not internalizing the weirdness of strangers. Onward!
fred123 Posted April 21 Posted April 21 On 4/18/2025 at 2:08 PM, TheBlingRing14 said: Oh, the good old Online Dating....I am not really devastated, just perplexed, that's all. So, I started talking with a guy from a dating app. We seemed to have quite a lot in common. Eventually, he commented about wanting to meet up for a date. He went so far as to pick out a few restaurants and asked for my input on them, as well as asked my feeling on other activities. (Hiking, museums, etc) This felt fast, but also.....probably right, if that makes sense. So many times on these forums, and forums like these, I read that when OLD, the goal is to not drag it out too long and to get to the actual meeting part as soon as possible. So...as I said....this felt like the right trajectory. He didn't seem to be wanting to do pen pals or to waste my time, which I appreciated. The next day, in the evening, I reached out to him. He pretty much immediately asked for a video chat. We exchanged a couple of messages of pleasantries, but he wanted a video chat. Which again....very assertive. But, also, it just re-enforced that the pace he was on was one of someone serious about actually dating, not someone lingering around to waste time. He seemed to be going through the steps of someone who was intent to meet. Okay fine. So, I hop on and do a video chat. Which lasts for 4 hours, and would have probably gone longer had I not been falling asleep. He literally told me we could talk all night if I wanted. It wasn't perfect, no. He was very easy to talk to. But, we didn't have quite in much in common as it seemed. I guess when in chat form, you are hitting the greatest hits, it's easy to find common interests. But, once actually fleshing someone out, you see the paths diverge a little bit. Which isn't a bad thing. Little comments he made throughout the chat hinted at meeting up with each other, and sometimes very obvious ones too. But, mostly I got to know him, he got to know me. Great. My devices died a couple of times. Now....I wouldn't have been shocked or upset had he been like, "Hey it was great talking, seems like we got disconnected, but let's talk another night." and called it a night. I have done that myself in similar situations. But, he actually kept calling me back. Even after 3 hours of talking. I am not saying that in a swooning way, but more in a logical way.....just.....if a guy isn't interested, it makes sense to cut the conversation off there, instead of continuing it, right? As the conversation wound down, he re-iterated some of the date ideas we had discussed. He made a comment that the fact that we were still talking, 4 hours later, was probably a good sign. But, like I said, I was nodding off, so we said our goodbyes. He told me Good Morning, the next day, and that's the last I heard from him. I did reach out that evening, but.....no response. I am not blocked....or unmatched. I'm well aware he could have seemed one way in the moment and then...after thinking about it, changed his mind. I suppose there is also a chance that he just isn't the pen pal type, going back to the earlier comments. And maybe until we can set an actual date, he doesn't really want to chat and over-communicate? No questions I guess....just wanted to vent. Any updates?
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted April 24 Author Posted April 24 On 4/21/2025 at 12:39 PM, fred123 said: Any updates? Not really, but thanks for asking. I sent him a photo on Saturday. Which he did eventually respond to. Anyway, "Work's been busy" blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, I know work can sometimes be a bear. Not trying to discount that. But, I have been on the receiving end of the "Work's been busy" thing enough times to know what is (usually) going on. Anyway, we messaged back and forth for a bit, but ultimately, he ended up dropping out, and I haven't heard from him since.
Sony12 Posted April 24 Posted April 24 If you have to send him new pics in order to just get him to respond to you that won't be going in the direction you want it to. Before long he would be asking for nudey pics. Some are ok with swapping pics like that but usually not the people looking for more than just a roll in the hay.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 24 Posted April 24 5 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: Anyway, we messaged back and forth for a bit, but ultimately, he ended up dropping out, and I haven't heard from him since. I would just let this one go altogether. It's disappointing but not worth pursuing.
smackie9 Posted April 24 Posted April 24 A man doesn't respond back because he doesn't want to. there's your answer.
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