Is he no longer interested? Was he ever interested?

[lionjay]

At a talking stage with a guy. No "official" first date but he asked to meet me on my lunch break. When texting he disclosed some concerns (he's older, doesn't want people to "know" about us, something I'm not sure I'm comfortable with for a long period). He also text and said he liked me, and he liked talking to me.

Every text has been initiated by me. He takes days to reply, and often only texts one or two words. It's dry and non engaging. I know people aren't always great texters so I'm trying not to read into this.

Our last time out together (unsure whether it was a date) was initiated by me, and he was not great. There were times I was facing him and he was facing the other way, so I could only see his side profile. It was a very casual conversation and he didn't really seem bothered. At the end he did say it was lovely to see me so I thought oh, it might nerves.

I decided not to text him first. I don't want to play games but I wanted to see if he'd reach out. Two days passed and he didn't. So I caved and text him asking if he'd like to meet up for lunch or dinner. He replied saying he thought I fell out with him. I asked why he thought this and he simply replied "Don't matter". I said it does. as I don't want him thinking I'm annoyed. He replied "Just me overthinking", and I prodded again and said what are you overthinking. He never answered.

He didn't text again from Friday last week until yesterday, when I text. He wasn't free to see me. But said he might see me later. I replied I hope so, and he's read it but not answered.

When I saw him again he was quite short with me.

Is he no longer interested (after only a week), and has he changed his mind? Is this even worth carrying on because his mixed signals are confusing me and I don't know what to think.

[ExpatInItaly]

22 minutes ago, lionjay said:

He takes days to reply, and often only texts one or two words. It's dry and non engaging. I know people aren't always great texters so I'm trying not to read into this.

You need tp strike a balance so you're mot overlooking red flags either, though. Someone who doesn't reply for days is not that interested. No need to read into it - it's quite obvious. 

23 minutes ago, lionjay said:

doesn't want people to "know" about us

This is also a red flag. Why doesn't he want people to know? How old is he, and how old are you? 

 

[Foxhall]

I like the notion that you are prepared to give him a chance and not dismissing him completely even though he clearly needs to up his game

we need more ladies like you out there.

[stillafool]

He doesn't seem that interested at all if you are the only one reaching out and he's not asking you out on a date.  Plus he doesn't want to be seen with you.  Are you sure he isn't married?  If you have to chase a man why not chase one closer to your age rather than an older man?

[ShyViolet]

How is this even a question?  This guy doesn't even sound like he likes you.  He's putting in zero effort.  And for any guy to say that he doesn't want people to know that he's seeing you.... why would you keep hanging out with a guy that says that?  That is so insulting and disrespectful.  

[Gebidozo]

He doesn’t want to be seen with you by anyone, texting sporadically, and acting hesitant, shifty, and overall weird.

My guess is that he is in a relationship with someone else and is possibly planning to use you for a low-key affair.

If that is not the case, then he is either not interested, or way too insecure to be considered as a dating prospect.

 

[Georgia46]

13 hours ago, lionjay said:

very text has been initiated by me. He takes days to reply, and often only texts one or two words. It's dry and non engaging. I know people aren't always great texters so I'm trying not to read into this.

Please read into this!  Take note of the red flags from the very start and this will stop you getting hurt later on!     He’s boring, he’s too lazy to reply and he’s not engaging … so why are you even making any effort? 

 

13 hours ago, lionjay said:

He didn't text again from Friday last week until yesterday, when I text. He wasn't free to see me. But said he might see me later. I replied I hope so, and he's read it but not answered.

So he can’t be bothered to say anything for days, then tried to build up your hopes by saying he may see you later - then the classic read but no reply again? 
 

OP raise the bar for yourself, delete his number and fix your crown.   This guy is not for you. 
 

NEXT! 

[Ethan Carter]

This man is not interested in you. Let it go. 

[Acacia98]

14 hours ago, lionjay said:

Is he no longer interested (after only a week), and has he changed his mind? Is this even worth carrying on because his mixed signals are confusing me and I don't know what to think.

Am I missing something? Was he ever interested?  It sounds like you've been driving the whole thing.

There's nothing to carry on, and there are no mixed signals. To repeat what others have said, the guy is not interested.

Think about this OP: Right now, somewhere in your world, maybe there's someone who genuinely likes you. But the odds of your noticing him, let alone recognizing his interest, are non-existent. Why? Because you are so preoccupied with this other fellow. Drop this guy (it should be easy, seeing as he's not even trying). It will give you the opportunity to notice people who actually want to be with you 

 

[Olivia Pane]

Hmm. It's hard to say. 🤷‍♀️

[Alpacalia]

The secrecy? Red flag. If he’s already insisting on hiding your connection, ask yourself: What’s he protecting? His reputation? Another relationship? His ego? Healthy relationships don’t start in the shadows.

You’ve already tested the silence—he didn’t reach out. When you circled back, he blamed you (“thought you fell out with him”) instead of owning his lack of effort. That’s deflection. You’re now stuck in a cycle of chasing validation from someone who’s indifferent.