lionjay Posted April 15 Posted April 15 At a talking stage with a guy. No "official" first date but he asked to meet me on my lunch break. When texting he disclosed some concerns (he's older, doesn't want people to "know" about us, something I'm not sure I'm comfortable with for a long period). He also text and said he liked me, and he liked talking to me. Every text has been initiated by me. He takes days to reply, and often only texts one or two words. It's dry and non engaging. I know people aren't always great texters so I'm trying not to read into this. Our last time out together (unsure whether it was a date) was initiated by me, and he was not great. There were times I was facing him and he was facing the other way, so I could only see his side profile. It was a very casual conversation and he didn't really seem bothered. At the end he did say it was lovely to see me so I thought oh, it might nerves. I decided not to text him first. I don't want to play games but I wanted to see if he'd reach out. Two days passed and he didn't. So I caved and text him asking if he'd like to meet up for lunch or dinner. He replied saying he thought I fell out with him. I asked why he thought this and he simply replied "Don't matter". I said it does. as I don't want him thinking I'm annoyed. He replied "Just me overthinking", and I prodded again and said what are you overthinking. He never answered. He didn't text again from Friday last week until yesterday, when I text. He wasn't free to see me. But said he might see me later. I replied I hope so, and he's read it but not answered. When I saw him again he was quite short with me. Is he no longer interested (after only a week), and has he changed his mind? Is this even worth carrying on because his mixed signals are confusing me and I don't know what to think. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 15 Posted April 15 22 minutes ago, lionjay said: He takes days to reply, and often only texts one or two words. It's dry and non engaging. I know people aren't always great texters so I'm trying not to read into this. You need tp strike a balance so you're mot overlooking red flags either, though. Someone who doesn't reply for days is not that interested. No need to read into it - it's quite obvious. 23 minutes ago, lionjay said: doesn't want people to "know" about us This is also a red flag. Why doesn't he want people to know? How old is he, and how old are you? 1
Foxhall Posted April 15 Posted April 15 I like the notion that you are prepared to give him a chance and not dismissing him completely even though he clearly needs to up his game we need more ladies like you out there. 1
stillafool Posted April 15 Posted April 15 He doesn't seem that interested at all if you are the only one reaching out and he's not asking you out on a date. Plus he doesn't want to be seen with you. Are you sure he isn't married? If you have to chase a man why not chase one closer to your age rather than an older man?
ShyViolet Posted April 16 Posted April 16 How is this even a question? This guy doesn't even sound like he likes you. He's putting in zero effort. And for any guy to say that he doesn't want people to know that he's seeing you.... why would you keep hanging out with a guy that says that? That is so insulting and disrespectful. 1
Gebidozo Posted April 16 Posted April 16 He doesn’t want to be seen with you by anyone, texting sporadically, and acting hesitant, shifty, and overall weird. My guess is that he is in a relationship with someone else and is possibly planning to use you for a low-key affair. If that is not the case, then he is either not interested, or way too insecure to be considered as a dating prospect.
Georgia46 Posted April 16 Posted April 16 13 hours ago, lionjay said: very text has been initiated by me. He takes days to reply, and often only texts one or two words. It's dry and non engaging. I know people aren't always great texters so I'm trying not to read into this. Please read into this! Take note of the red flags from the very start and this will stop you getting hurt later on! He’s boring, he’s too lazy to reply and he’s not engaging … so why are you even making any effort? 13 hours ago, lionjay said: He didn't text again from Friday last week until yesterday, when I text. He wasn't free to see me. But said he might see me later. I replied I hope so, and he's read it but not answered. So he can’t be bothered to say anything for days, then tried to build up your hopes by saying he may see you later - then the classic read but no reply again? OP raise the bar for yourself, delete his number and fix your crown. This guy is not for you. NEXT!
Acacia98 Posted April 16 Posted April 16 14 hours ago, lionjay said: Is he no longer interested (after only a week), and has he changed his mind? Is this even worth carrying on because his mixed signals are confusing me and I don't know what to think. Am I missing something? Was he ever interested? It sounds like you've been driving the whole thing. There's nothing to carry on, and there are no mixed signals. To repeat what others have said, the guy is not interested. Think about this OP: Right now, somewhere in your world, maybe there's someone who genuinely likes you. But the odds of your noticing him, let alone recognizing his interest, are non-existent. Why? Because you are so preoccupied with this other fellow. Drop this guy (it should be easy, seeing as he's not even trying). It will give you the opportunity to notice people who actually want to be with you
Alpacalia Posted April 19 Posted April 19 The secrecy? Red flag. If he’s already insisting on hiding your connection, ask yourself: What’s he protecting? His reputation? Another relationship? His ego? Healthy relationships don’t start in the shadows. You’ve already tested the silence—he didn’t reach out. When you circled back, he blamed you (“thought you fell out with him”) instead of owning his lack of effort. That’s deflection. You’re now stuck in a cycle of chasing validation from someone who’s indifferent.
forestflies Posted May 18 Posted May 18 A guy I've been speaking to for about a month now has been acting weird. He asked for my number and we've been talking but last week in particular he seemed off. I asked was everything ok and he said yes stop worrying but I couldn't shake a gut feeling I had. I messaged again later and said I know you said everything's ok but are you sure. He opened the message but never answered. I saw him later that day for about 15 minutes (as we were both busy) (last Friday) and he said he didn't answer because I was overthinking. He has not messaged me for a week. I text him this evening and said I won't reach out again blah blah (we chat on whatsapp). He messaged back that same minute and said who's this. I was confused and he said "I have deleted numbers off my phone of ppl I don't contact that often, there is no pic of who you are, so l havnt got a clue...." I thought he was joking but he was serious. When I replied telling him who I was he said "Oh sorry. Readded." I replied "Ok" and he responded and said "Angry then that I accidentally deleted you" I said I didn't know what to think.The whole thing has put me out because how does he delete my number accidentally but even so how does that delete our entire whatsapp convo. And for a whole week. This whole situation has left a bad taste in my mouth but I don't know if I'm overthinking or it was an honest mistake but he does not seem sincere or apologetic about it considering it was a week with no contact that was unexplained
ShyViolet Posted May 18 Posted May 18 If you've only been speaking to him for a month, and he's already been acting so weird and giving you gut feelings that something is really off, why are you even still wasting your time with him?? Time to move on, seriously.
stillafool Posted May 18 Posted May 18 12 hours ago, forestflies said: He has not messaged me for a week. I text him this evening and said I won't reach out again blah blah (we chat on whatsapp). He messaged back that same minute and said who's this. This guy is not interested. You don't have to announce when you're no longer going to pursue someone. Just stop pursuing. They'll get the message. 1
Acacia98 Posted May 19 Posted May 19 (edited) On 5/18/2025 at 10:22 AM, forestflies said: He has not messaged me for a week. I text him this evening and said I won't reach out again blah blah (we chat on whatsapp). He messaged back that same minute and said who's this. I was confused and he said "I have deleted numbers off my phone of ppl I don't contact that often, there is no pic of who you are, so l havnt got a clue...." I thought he was joking but he was serious. When I replied telling him who I was he said "Oh sorry. Readded." I replied "Ok" and he responded and said "Angry then that I accidentally deleted you" I said I didn't know what to think.The whole thing has put me out because how does he delete my number accidentally but even so how does that delete our entire whatsapp convo. And for a whole week. This whole situation has left a bad taste in my mouth but I don't know if I'm overthinking or it was an honest mistake but he does not seem sincere or apologetic about it considering it was a week with no contact that was unexplained So in addition to the fact that he's not interested, he plays mind games with you? You need to bow out gracefully now, OP. It's time to accept the fact that he doesn't care. The longer you insist on keeping him in your life, the worse he will treat you. Your self-esteem will drop even further. Edited May 19 by Acacia98 1
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