scipio Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Hi, I'm having a hard time getting over a relationship I had almost 1.5 to 2 years ago. I fell in love with this girl,...she pursued me not the other way around. I had never had serious relationship before that. When we first started hanging out(not in a relationship) her attraction to me was obvious and she would also make comments every now and then hinting that she liked me. She also found excuses to be around me. Eventually we exchanged phone numbers (through some pretext that had nothing to do with a relationship). So I would see her alot(usually not alone though) at a certain place we both studied at. Eventually this evolved into her calling me every now and then,...it first started with "prank" calls,..obviously to disguise her real intentions of wanting to talk to me. By this time I had feelings towards her for two reasons,...one is that her personality was so playful, energetic, and lighthearted and i liked that. The second is that she was obviously attracted to me and also loved my personality,...and that was a great feeling. Eventually she would call for advice and I would give it,..she seemed somewhat emotional and she saw in me someone who is more stable and strong. Before I knew it we would be talking almost every night for about 5 hours,...mind you this is before she even told me of how she felt about me,...and many times she would want to tell me over the phone but she's also kinda shy,..its weird she's shy and agressive at the same time. And I'm also shy,..so I would NEVER force it. Anyway, this eventually evolved into us taking walks together around the neigberhood,..sometimes very late at night. Eventually this turned into physical affection, hugging kissing and so on. Alot of things short of actually sleeping together. Now that the feelings were obvious and mutual. She expressed concerns about me leaving the area( i was planning to leave in a couple of months),...and she said it scared her,....and to be truthful she was more open about her feelings than I was. I never told her how i felt, and i had a feeling she needed to hear that. So when she worded her feelings,..I didn't do the same. But anyway,...she eventually hinted that if I were to propose engagement she would gladly accept, I wasn't mentally prepared for that,..so I remained silent. Looking back i wish i had taken her up on that offer So we continued talking,..and she started avoiding seeing me because she wanted to wean herself off of me since I would be leaving soon. Eventually I said if she wanted to do that then why call? So i avoided her calls inorder to help her,...in actuality I think I expected her to not handle it and agree to see me. So two or three weeks pass without speaking to her,...then when i speak to her,..she says that she heard I was starting to date,..I said she was mistaken,...but in those three weeks apparently she got hooked up with a friend of her friend who was looking for a serious relationship. It was at this time when I truly knew the magnitude of what I felt for this girl. I had called her because I was aching to see her, talk to her, and hang out with her. I was actually losing weight due to lack of appetite. So I told her my feelings and made it clear that I wanted to have a future with her. Anyway,...she said her present situation did not allow her too,..but she loves and respects me as a friend,..and so on and so forth. I kept calling her inorder to talk to her face to face,..but she avoided the calls. So before i left the area I emailed her telling her how i felt about her and also that I understood her decision and I would stop calling her and pursuing her. Well,...till today i've stayed faithful to those words. But I moved back to the area for a job,....although I think it was to avoid the depression in the new area i moved too. I would think about her constantly,..dream about her,..I was miserable,..even when i had family and friends around me i constantly thought about her and felt that life would never be the same. So I felt better just by merit of being in the same area as she was,... Although i didn't contact her,..about 7 months after the split i was walking up a road and I see someone kind of pannick when they see me,...I realize that it was her,..She kind of didn't know what to do and in kind of a flustered way she took the opposite direction and avoided me. Firstly, can anyone tell me what the hell that was??? Why did she do that???? I was shocked and disappointed,..because we left on amicable terms,..never any harsh words between us. Did she just feel awkward? something else? Anyway,..seen her a few times since then.Actually we exchanged a few words, pleasantries. It always seems awkward, and theres always some tension. Part of me always thinks that there's a chance for us to be together again. I hate this part. Because it gives me hope. I don't know if she s dating anyone but I saw her at an establishement with a couple of guys,.don't know if they were just friends..which was really depressing to see. A sinking feeling it gave me. So i feel i can never get over her,..its a terrible feeling. The worst part is that i can't talk to anyone about it because all my male friends would not talk about such crap,...nor would i bring it up with family. And i have no female friends. So i just swallow it. Almost 2 years now. What to do?? I use my religion to control my thoughts sometimes. But what drives me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY is that i don't know how she feels!!! I think about her everyday in some way. I wonder what goes through her head. Obviously she s not obsessed with me as i am with her,........but does anybody out there have any experience with this??? Can anyone shed light on how the female mind works??? What the hell is she thinking and also,.....what do I do and how do i get over it once and for all!!! I don;t think dating is the answer. Anyway SORRY for being long winded,......and please give me your views.
Darkwall Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 First of all... I don't think her avoiding you on the street was for malicious reasons. I think she was merely just trying to avoid awkwardness, really. She wasn't ready for confrontation and maybe she was having a bad hair day or something. I swear that's probably what it was. It's hard to answer not knowing either of you personally or your personal id etc. I really do hate to say this but... maybe you both just went on to different paths. However, I think when you told her you were moving she pulled away from you to protect herself from getting hurt. Seeing as you both still have some contact when you do I say take advantage of that. Use it to read her body language and what her eyes are telling you. If in your heart you see she is still harbouring some feelings for you than you have to say something or do something. But do. Or else you will never know what could have been. Be subtle and take your time. If it means starting up a new friendship and only a friendship, then do it. Maybe you need to get to know each other again. But please, do yourself a favour. Don't dedicate all your time to this/her. Throw yourself into hobbies, outings, meeting new people etc. KEEP ME POSTED, I hope i was some help.
Author scipio Posted January 11, 2006 Author Posted January 11, 2006 thanks listen2u,....actually we don't have contact persay. We just run into each other,..but not often at all, maybe once a month for about 5 seconds. So its impossible really to evaluate the situation. And believe me if i could, i would not think about this,..but i do have other things going,..friends, work, sports etc etc. But still,..I would prefer not thinking about it AT ALL and just entirely get over the whole thing. I sometimes just try to consider it an infatuation,...but infatuations don't last for 2 years. So I am really at a loss as to HOW to proceed. other views would also be greatly appreciated
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