He told me via text that he was ok with casual. but didn't try anything sexual with me

[Clair88]

This guy and I dated during the summer, but we weren't getting along. So we stopped dating and were friends with benefits for a month he said it was over between us and that he did not want to be intimate anymore. It ended in January because, again, we were not getting along.

Recently, he and the guy had been texting. He told me he had a "spicy" dream about me. And I asked him if he wanted to have casual sex with me. He said "that's a complicated question," and he asked me out for a casual lunch. But he said he was ok with casual as long as it's just casual.

We went to lunch yesterday he didn't mention anything about sex. He did glance down at my breasts a few times. But probably because my bra was showing as the dress I wore was too big (I've been losing weight). After lunch, he told me it was nice to see me and hugged me. I hugged him back but didn't say anything. He then texted me later, saying it was nice seeing me today. I did reply that time via text. I'm surprised he didn't mention anything sexual. He told me via text (before we met) that he was ok with casual as long as it was just casual. During lunch, he asked me how I've been doing, etc. I mentioned that I needed to find an outdoor sport to do during the summer. He also mentioned pickleball (which is a sport that he enjoys and likes to play). He knows I have never played it before, so I'm not sure why he mentioned it. Anyway, it was just odd. I was expecting him to say something sexual.

I don't get it he said he was ok with casual talked about how he had a sex dream about me. But did not mention anything sexual when we met for lunch.

Edited April 6 by Clair88

[Sony12]

He might have just not been in the mood for sex at that time. You are the one that brought up casual sex and not him. He told you he wasn't interested in being intimate with you any longer. Guys generally won't say that to a woman unless they really mean it.

[ExpatInItaly]

57 minutes ago, Clair88 said:

I don't get it he said he was ok with casual talked about how he had a sex dream about me. But did not mention anything sexual when we met for lunch.

What would have expected him to say during lunch? 

It doesn't sound like he's overly interesting in being more than friends. Sure, maybe some sex when the mood strikes but that's about it. I wouldn't bother with this, personally.

[Clair88]

19 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

He might have just not been in the mood for sex at that time. You are the one that brought up casual sex and not him. He told you he wasn't interested in being intimate with you any longer. Guys generally won't say that to a woman unless they really mean it.

I mentioned casual sex because he told me he had a sex dream about me after saying he didn't want to be intimate anymore a couple of months ago. If he doesn't want to be intimate then why did he tell me about having a sex dream about me. And then say he's ok with casual as long as it's just casual? 

Yes, he told me he didn't want to be intimate anymore that was in a January. But last week he told me he had a sex dream about me. Why is he telling me I appeared in his dreams and about how it was spicy if he doesn't want sex? Weird.

Edited April 6 by Clair88

[Sony12]

It was a dream. Dreams seldom correlate to how people feel once they are fully awake. You said you two didn't get a long very well. He probably knows that that isn't going to be any different now.

[Clair88]

Just now, Sony12 said:

It was a dream. Dreams seldom correlate to how people feel once they are fully awake. You said you two didn't get a long very well. He probably knows that that isn't going to be any different now.

Yeah, I guess that's why he asked me out for lunch then I get it.

[Sony12]

30 minutes ago, Clair88 said:

Yeah, I guess that's why he asked me out for lunch then I get it.

Clearly it was just lunch to him. Maybe he likes having lunches with people. If he wanted to have sex with you at that time he would have.

[Clair88]

3 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Clearly it was just lunch to him. Maybe he likes having lunches with people. If he wanted to have sex with you at that time he would have.

Yeah, that's my point he didn't want to have sex after he made it seem like he did via text. So I don't why he wanted to see me anyway knowing he didn't want sex.

[Sony12]

1 minute ago, Clair88 said:

Yeah, that's my point he didn't want to have sex after he made it seem like he did via text. So I don't why he wanted to see me anyway knowing he didn't want sex.

Do you want to just be a sex doll for him? Not sure why you are bothering with this guy anyways. Is he rich or really hot or something? Find someone else to have sex with who you get along better with.

[FredEire]

My guess is he was feeling horny at the time he texted you, but then when you met up he realised that he didn't really want to go back to what you had before.

He doesn't sound that into you, to be honest.

[Clair88]

13 minutes ago, FredEire said:

My guess is he was feeling horny at the time he texted you, but then when you met up he realised that he didn't really want to go back to what you had before.

He doesn't sound that into you, to be honest.

He doesn't sound that into me? Is that why he asked me out and kept looking at my breasts and kept telling me how it was nice seeing me? If that's the case I don't understand why twice he mentioned it was nice to see me. It seems as though he wanted me to know that he enjoyed seeing me yesterday.

Edited April 6 by Clair88

[Sony12]

28 minutes ago, Clair88 said:

He doesn't sound that into me? Is that why he asked me out and kept looking at my breasts and kept telling me how it was nice seeing me? If that's the case I don't understand why twice he mentioned it was nice to see me. It seems as though he wanted me to know that he enjoyed seeing me yesterday.

Are you this argumentative with him?

[Els]

I'm not sure what your question is about. You want to have casual sex. This guy does not want to have casual sex with you, or at least he thinks "it's complicated". So... why not just go and find a guy who wants to have casual sex the way you want it?

Are you not over him, or is he just really good in bed? Because you're kinda obsessing about a person whom you're not with and whom is uncertain about having sex with you.

[ExpatInItaly]

You really want this guy to be into you, that much is clear. 

Nothing wrong with that, but it seems like a waste of time when you could be exploring better options. This guy is...,meh. I'd pass. 

[ShyViolet]

3 hours ago, Clair88 said:

Yes, he told me he didn't want to be intimate anymore that was in a January. But last week he told me he had a sex dream about me. Why is he telling me I appeared in his dreams and about how it was spicy if he doesn't want sex? Weird.

Why are you spending so much time trying to analyze why this guy did x, y and z?  Honestly who cares?  This is a guy who a couple of months ago told you he didn't want to be with you anymore.  He wasn't even interested in casual sex with you anymore.  Why wouldn't you just move on from him at that point?  What is the point of making so much out of these little crumbs that he throws you?  Overall this guy isn't interested in you, that much is clear.  If he was interested in you, he wouldn't have let go of the chance to be with you in the first place.

[Clair88]

1 hour ago, Sony12 said:

Are you this argumentative with him?

I'm not being argumentative I'm just saying a lot doesn't make sense to me. He's not into me yet he asked me out to lunch. He doesn't want sex but he told me he had a sex dream about me and that he's cool with casual. And he loved reacted my message when I told him I enjoy sex with him. He's not into me yet he kept looking at my breasts. It basically seems like a lot of mix signals to me. 

[Sony12]

18 minutes ago, Clair88 said:

I'm not being argumentative I'm just saying a lot doesn't make sense to me. He's not into me yet he asked me out to lunch. He doesn't want sex but he told me he had a sex dream about me and that he's cool with casual. And he loved reacted my message when I told him I enjoy sex with him. He's not into me yet he kept looking at my breasts. It basically seems like a lot of mix signals to me. 

I think you need to take the advice that is being given to you in this thread.

[Clair88]

51 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

I think you need to take the advice that is being given to you in this thread.

Or maybe I could just not be so focus on sex and just see how things play out.

[ExpatInItaly]

Again, haven't you got better options than this? 

There's so much nonsense with this guy. Too much past drama and back-and-forth. Maybe you've got different expectations for yourself than I do, but I don't waste time on crap like this. 

[basil67]

9 hours ago, Clair88 said:

Or maybe I could just not be so focus on sex and just see how things play out.

But you already know that you don't get along.   

As for why he invited you to lunch, perhaps he had nothing better to do.  Or perhaps he thought he may find you attractive again, but decided that he still didn't like you enough.

We can really only guess

[La.Primavera]

It sounds like he is attracted to you physically but doesn't feel you are compatible or see the potential for a relationship.  

It probably doesn't sit right with him to have casual sex, but the urge is still there.  Having lunch with you may have been a safe way of indulging it without feeling like a bad guy.

[Clair88]

4 hours ago, La.Primavera said:

It sounds like he is attracted to you physically but doesn't feel you are compatible or see the potential for a relationship.  

It probably doesn't sit right with him to have casual sex, but the urge is still there.  Having lunch with you may have been a safe way of indulging it without feeling like a bad guy.

Yeah, I could tell that he was still attracted to me. Even though we didn't get along before doesn't mean people can't change though. I didn't trust him before but after seeing how he interacts with women in a friendly way. I realize I was wrong about him and shouldn't have been so quick to judge. 

Edited April 7 by Clair88

[Sony12]

40 minutes ago, Clair88 said:

Yeah, I could tell that he was still attracted to me. Even though we didn't get along before doesn't mean people can't change though. I didn't trust him before but after seeing how he interacts with women in a friendly way. I realize I was wrong about him and shouldn't have been so quick to judge. 

He already told you that he wasn't interested in you. You gave him the go ahead to take you home with him (or wherever he likes to have sex) and he didn't feel like it.

If you think he is suddenly going to do a 180 and start caring about you then you are in complete denial.

[introverted1]

16 hours ago, Clair88 said:

I'm not being argumentative I'm just saying a lot doesn't make sense to me. He's not into me yet he asked me out to lunch. He doesn't want sex but he told me he had a sex dream about me and that he's cool with casual. And he loved reacted my message when I told him I enjoy sex with him. He's not into me yet he kept looking at my breasts. It basically seems like a lot of mix signals to me. 

He had a sex dream which caused him to set the lunch plans, but when you met, he remembered all the reasons that led him to shut things down the first time, so he opted not to re-engage.  

As for looking at your breasts, you said yourself in your OP this was likely because your bra was showing.  In any case, this is meaningless.  Men like to look at women.  Doesn't mean they want to have sex with all of them. 

[Clair88]

2 hours ago, Sony12 said:

He already told you that he wasn't interested in you. You gave him the go ahead to take you home with him (or wherever he likes to have sex) and he didn't feel like it.

If you think he is suddenly going to do a 180 and start caring about you then you are in complete denial.

Yeah, after he told me that he said he was ok with casual and invited me to lunch.