kjo314 Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 LS Readers, I am posting this story to let you in on what happened in my life during my previous breakup. Even though I am nto completely over it I am noticing good things that are happening... to MYSELF. Enjoy and maybe it will give some of you hope. We met at a party last May and things were great. We seemed so right for each other. Everything was magic. She moved in to my house in August of that year. Applied to graduate schools is Florida. Got accecpted to FSU. Gradutated last May. Asked me if I would move there from Ohio. I couldn't because of my situation. She wanted to get engaged because she didn't want me to "forget about her" which I knew was the wrong reason so I did not do it. She movedto Florida at the end of August telling me that we would be ableto do this long distance thing till I could move down that next summer. Everything was going ok until I found out that she was going to counseling. This was ok because I knew she had issues with her parents and her schoolwork was driving her crazy (Mental Health Counseling Master Student). Anyway, I got a call a couple weeks into her counseling sessions (around Halloween) explaining the need for an open relationship was "I want to be sure that you are the right one for me." At this point I knew I should have broken up with her because in my mind that was a red flag but reluctantly I disapproved and later she told me that it was something her counseler suggested she do to rid herself of her depression. I told her that is she wanted me to I could graduate early and move down there in April instead of July she said "Please do." Everything went great until around Thanksgiving when she broke up with me citing "I don't have enough time for a realtionship right now. Plus I don't know what I wan't in a realtionship. I want us to work out BUT I think that there is someone else out there that can make you happier." Dec. 3rd was the day the bomb dropped for me. At first I didn't understand it. This being the first time I was ever broken up with I was hurt. I went around freaking out asking people WHY WHY WHY??? No one had an answer. I figured the long distance thing was a cause of it but it turned out not to be. I sent her a letter around Dec. 15th while I was still freaking out explaining that if she gave us a second chance that I could change certain things she didn't like (stuff I could only see once I was outside the realtionship.) At Christmas my family got in a big fight and ended up ruining Christmas for me. I went outside in the puring rain and just started yelling "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME" "I DON'T UNDERSTAND" "I LOVED YOU ISN'T THAT IMPORTANT" I ended up breakling down in the middle of our very long driveway. I sat down and didn't know what to do. At that time I was confused. After that night though I knew what I had to do. That nightwas a wakeup call for me. See when stuff like that used to happen I would call her and she would calm me down. Throughout our whole relationship I shut out all my friends and close realtivesto be with her. BIG MISTAKE. When I lost her it was like I had to start all over again. At that point I realized what she had made me do to stay with her and needless to say I did not like it one bit. Throughout this whole time she called me once..... It hurt.... I didn't call her again and told her to clal me when she wanted to next. I still had a hope but I knew that it was probably wrong. So after New years I got the answer from the letter I had received back. The answer was "You have treated me the best anyone has ever treated me BUT I don't have time for a realtionship right now. It would be unfair to anyone. When I think of all the things a relationship entails I cringe. I just don't need a commitment of any sort right now in my life." This really didn't hurt me. When her friend called me knowing that she sent the e-mail to me she said that she knows that she only has "Friendship Feelings" for me. This didn't even hurt because I knew how wrong I think we are for each other. I was confused and stil lam as to what changed but I know that probably won't be answered. She doens't even IM me (SHows how much she really wants to talk to me) Even though she knows I am online. I am stil ldoing no contact because I want her to come to me and talk. I am notgoing to act like a desperate fool or even consider IM'ing her until I have lost all feelings because I know if I do it will only end up hurting me in the end. So the moral of this story is what I did that whole month to try to get myself out of the rut I was in. After the 4th day ofthe breakup I told myself that I would not call her. I placed little note cards and even put a message on my cellphone telling me you will ruin what you have worked on if you call her. That worked!!! I have not called her nor have I talked to her on the phone since Thanksgiving. Over this time I have taken personal relfection time. I got to know a lot of my friends at a closer level. Met some new people and I think I might be getting to know this one girl more than the others . I also set out to make myself look better physically as well as mentally. My ex was a very depressed person (another difference as I always shoot for the moon in every situation) beacsue of that it brought me down a lot to that level and I didn't like it. It was like I could never please her and put a smile on her face. So I decided to put myself on a weight loss plan. I weighed myself yesterday....the total loss..... 25 lbs!!!! THIS IS NOT DEPRESSION WEIGHT. I kept to a program and I can absolutely tell the differrence inthe way I look. In conclusion I feel great about myself and geat about my life. I know that if I have to I can live alone but I don't want to. I can feel myself recovering from this and returning to my normal self again which is what I missed. The next thing downthe wroad is growing enough balls to ask the next hot girl out there if she would like ot go out on a date
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