Yeahmate Posted April 4 Posted April 4 Hey everyone, I’ve been talking to a girl at work for about a month now, and I’m pretty confused about where I stand. We’ve had a lot of great conversations, and I really enjoy talking to her. Over time, she’s become more comfortable with me, and our eye contact has improved a lot. She’s even been giving me some sweet gestures, like telling me she’s going to get me some earrings when she goes to Japan (which I would totally wear just for her, haha). We’ve been joking around a lot, and I’m starting to feel like there might be some interest, but I’m not sure. A few days ago, I asked for her contact details, and she seemed a little caught off guard, asking “why?” I said it was so she could send me pictures of her trip, and she seemed a little unsure at first but then said, “I’ll give you a slideshow when I get back.” After that, the vibe felt a bit awkward, but we kept talking. She stays back 30 minutes to an hour talking to me after work here and there and I’ve noticed her coworkers staring at me a bit now, which makes me wonder if they’ve picked up on something. She’s told me before that she’s never had a boyfriend and that she’s a bit oblivious to hints and needs things to be more direct. She also apologized for rambling when we talk, but I don’t mind at all and just tell her, “Don’t worry, I’m listening.” I’m just wondering if I’ve made things weird by asking for her details or if she’s just not used to this kind of thing. I don’t want to push too hard, but I really enjoy her company. I’m kind of in the dark about whether I’m reading the situation right or not. Am I overthinking this? Any advice would be appreciated!
Gebidozo Posted April 4 Posted April 4 If a woman refused to give me her contact information, I’d take it as a sign of active disinterest, to the point of dislike. It would also be an automatic big turn-off and I wouldn’t make a second attempt. The facts that you work together and that she never had a boyfriend make things even more complicated and might have a potentially negative impact on you.
Author Yeahmate Posted April 4 Author Posted April 4 (edited) 2 hours ago, Gebidozo said: I totally get where you’re coming from, and I get that it can be seen that way. Just to add some context — I asked her right as she was leaving work, so it might’ve caught her off guard. She’s told me before that sometimes things don’t click for her until later, and she’s come back days later to respond to stuff we talked about. Also, to be clear, my work is right next to hers — so we cross paths a lot. There was this really creepy guy around our area recently, and he wasn’t just creepy to her, but to her coworkers too. So I can understand if she was just being cautious in the moment. She didn’t outright refuse or say yes — she just said she didn’t really care. I don’t think it was disinterest; I honestly think she was just surprised by the timing of it. And to be fair, she’s a pretty weird girl — in a good way. Quirky, rambly, kind of all over the place (she has ADHD), and she tends to process things a little differently. She didn’t act cold after I asked — she actually got cheery and said she’d give me a slideshow of her trip when she gets back. She’s even said she’s coming in on her day off just for a coffee. So yeah, I’m giving her space now and not pushing anything, but I don’t think she’s outright disinterested — maybe just surprised or unsure how to respond in the moment. Sorry for the ramble Edited April 4 by Yeahmate
Sony12 Posted April 4 Posted April 4 (edited) The only time I have ever asked a lady I work with for her number was only after she had already asked me out. Lots of people like to be friendly at work but all it usually means is they want to be friends with their coworkers. Usually when they are interested in more than work place friendship they will be very clear about it. Edited April 4 by Sony12
ExpatInItaly Posted April 4 Posted April 4 5 hours ago, Yeahmate said: Just to add some context — I asked her right as she was leaving work, so it might’ve caught her off guard. This doesn't make sense. Why would her leaving work catch her so off-guard that she won't share her contact details with you? It's not that big a deal, so I think you are making excuses for her here. 7 hours ago, Yeahmate said: she’s a bit oblivious to hints and needs things to be more direct. Ok, but she didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday either. You were direct without being invasive. She dodged it, and quite deliberately. I would keep moving, if I were you. She doesn't seem open to anything further than work buddies.
Author Yeahmate Posted April 4 Author Posted April 4 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I get where you’re coming from, and I’m not trying to make excuses for her — just trying to understand it better from all angles. I know asking for someone’s details isn’t a huge deal in most cases, but she’s told me she’s not great with social cues, and she’s never been in a relationship. She also tends to process things a bit later and has some social awkwardness, so I think it genuinely caught her off guard more than anything. That said, I’m not chasing or pressuring her. I’ve been giving her space and I’m not planning on bringing it up again. It’s just one of those situations that feels like there’s some kind of tension there — not bad tension, but the kind that makes you wonder if it could turn into something more. Hard to explain, but the vibe isn’t cold or indifferent. If it becomes clear she’s not interested, I know when to cut my losses. But I figured it was worth getting some outside perspective before I just shut the door on it.
Author Yeahmate Posted April 4 Author Posted April 4 5 hours ago, Sony12 said: I get what you’re saying, and I know being friendly at work doesn’t always mean someone’s interested — that’s why I’ve been careful not to jump to conclusions. But in this case, it’s felt like more than just polite conversation. She stays back after her shift to talk for 30 minutes to an hour, teases me, opens up about personal stuff, and even mentioned getting me earrings while she’s in Japan. When I got sick, it was because I was working out in the rain for hours. She had actually told me to wear a raincoat, and I didn’t — she got a bit annoyed about it and hasn’t really let it go since. A few days later, when I was really sick, she brought me an immune drink without saying anything and later checked in on how I was feeling. That kind of thoughtfulness made it feel like there’s some genuine care there. She’s told me she’s socially awkward, doesn’t pick up on hints, and has never been in a relationship — so I didn’t expect her to be super clear or make a move. I just wanted to hear how others see it. There’s more to it too, but it’s hard to explain — just kind of a vibe you get when you’re in it.
flitzanu Posted April 4 Posted April 4 that's a lot of mental gymnastics and excuses about her phone number. it doesn't matter how experienced in dating or social cues that a person has, and you asked for her phone number and she chose not to give it to you, that is a clear sign that she isn't wanting to communicate with you outside of work. if you keep pushing, you're potentially crossing into harassment territory.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 4 Posted April 4 1 hour ago, Yeahmate said: but she’s told me she’s not great with social cues This wasn't a "cue." It was a direct request for her contact info. 1 hour ago, Yeahmate said: She also tends to process things a bit later What exactly would she need to "process later" about you asking for her number? 1 hour ago, Yeahmate said: so I think it genuinely caught her off guard more than anything. I don't really agree, but let's say you're right: if she's this skittish about even giving you her number, actually trying to date her would be incredibly frustrating - like pulling teeth. 1
FredEire Posted April 4 Posted April 4 (edited) 16 hours ago, Yeahmate said: Hey everyone, I’ve been talking to a girl at work for about a month now, and I’m pretty confused about where I stand. We’ve had a lot of great conversations, and I really enjoy talking to her. Over time, she’s become more comfortable with me, and our eye contact has improved a lot. She’s even been giving me some sweet gestures, like telling me she’s going to get me some earrings when she goes to Japan (which I would totally wear just for her, haha). We’ve been joking around a lot, and I’m starting to feel like there might be some interest, but I’m not sure. A few days ago, I asked for her contact details, and she seemed a little caught off guard, asking “why?” I said it was so she could send me pictures of her trip, and she seemed a little unsure at first but then said, “I’ll give you a slideshow when I get back.” After that, the vibe felt a bit awkward, but we kept talking. She stays back 30 minutes to an hour talking to me after work here and there and I’ve noticed her coworkers staring at me a bit now, which makes me wonder if they’ve picked up on something. She’s told me before that she’s never had a boyfriend and that she’s a bit oblivious to hints and needs things to be more direct. She also apologized for rambling when we talk, but I don’t mind at all and just tell her, “Don’t worry, I’m listening.” I’m just wondering if I’ve made things weird by asking for her details or if she’s just not used to this kind of thing. I don’t want to push too hard, but I really enjoy her company. I’m kind of in the dark about whether I’m reading the situation right or not. Am I overthinking this? Any advice would be appreciated! So the fact she asked "why?" instead of freely giving you her number would usually suggest to me she isn't all that interested in being any more than your work acquaintance. But the bit in bold sounds a bit like she may be on the spectrum, which would change things a bit. It could be she's interested and doesn't know how to show it, it could also be that she's saying things that make her sound interested when she's actually not. It's a tricky situation. Edited April 4 by FredEire
Author Yeahmate Posted April 5 Author Posted April 5 On 4/4/2025 at 2:26 PM, Yeahmate said: Hey everyone, I’ve been talking to a girl at work for about a month now, and I’m pretty confused about where I stand. We’ve had a lot of great conversations, and I really enjoy talking to her. Over time, she’s become more comfortable with me, and our eye contact has improved a lot. She’s even been giving me some sweet gestures, like telling me she’s going to get me some earrings when she goes to Japan (which I would totally wear just for her, haha). We’ve been joking around a lot, and I’m starting to feel like there might be some interest, but I’m not sure. A few days ago, I asked for her contact details, and she seemed a little caught off guard, asking “why?” I said it was so she could send me pictures of her trip, and she seemed a little unsure at first but then said, “I’ll give you a slideshow when I get back.” After that, the vibe felt a bit awkward, but we kept talking. She stays back 30 minutes to an hour talking to me after work here and there and I’ve noticed her coworkers staring at me a bit now, which makes me wonder if they’ve picked up on something. She’s told me before that she’s never had a boyfriend and that she’s a bit oblivious to hints and needs things to be more direct. She also apologized for rambling when we talk, but I don’t mind at all and just tell her, “Don’t worry, I’m listening.” I’m just wondering if I’ve made things weird by asking for her details or if she’s just not used to this kind of thing. I don’t want to push too hard, but I really enjoy her company. I’m kind of in the dark about whether I’m reading the situation right or not. Am I overthinking this? Any advice would be appreciated! Ladies and gentlemen… we got ’em. She added me online — totally out of nowhere while I was chilling at the pub. And we’ve started talking I hate overthinking with shitty anxiety I freaked out for nothing 1
Sony12 Posted April 5 Posted April 5 42 minutes ago, Yeahmate said: Ladies and gentlemen… we got ’em. She added me online — totally out of nowhere while I was chilling at the pub. And we’ve started talking I hate overthinking with shitty anxiety I freaked out for nothing What she just added you as a Facebook friend or something? You think that's a big deal? How much experience do you have in talking to women? 1
Gina2005 Posted April 5 Posted April 5 48 minutes ago, Yeahmate said: Ladies and gentlemen… we got ’em. She added me online — totally out of nowhere while I was chilling at the pub. And we’ve started talking I hate overthinking with shitty anxiety I freaked out for nothing You just should take it easy, it could mean anything. Small steps.
Author Yeahmate Posted April 5 Author Posted April 5 10 hours ago, Sony12 said: What she just added you as a Facebook friend or something? You think that's a big deal? How much experience do you have in talking to women? Yeah, I’m in my mid-20s. I’ve had no trouble talking to women in the past, but after coming out of a really toxic relationship, I developed some pretty heavy anxiety and depression. So yeah, things like this hit a bit differently now. I’m doing my best to work through it — which is why I came here looking for perspective, not sarcasm. There’s really no need to be a dick about it. A little empathy goes a long way.
basil67 Posted April 5 Posted April 5 For context, is her FB friend group extensive, or does she only have a select few? It could mean something, or it could mean nothing
FredEire Posted April 5 Posted April 5 11 hours ago, Sony12 said: What she just added you as a Facebook friend or something? You think that's a big deal? How much experience do you have in talking to women? Yeah I wouldn't see an Insta/Snapchat/Facebook as something to get overly excited about. They know you and you popped up on their recommended, doesn't necessarily mean any more than that.
Sony12 Posted April 6 Posted April 6 (edited) 1 hour ago, FredEire said: Yeah I wouldn't see an Insta/Snapchat/Facebook as something to get overly excited about. They know you and you popped up on their recommended, doesn't necessarily mean any more than that. Yep. A lot of people who regularly keep up with their social media apps friend pretty much everyone they know. Many people would probably only consider about 5% of the people on their friends lists to be legitimate friends. And many of those people are family members. Edited April 6 by Sony12
FredEire Posted April 6 Posted April 6 50 minutes ago, Sony12 said: Yep. A lot of people who regularly keep up with their social media apps friend pretty much everyone they know. Many people would probably only consider about 5% of the people on their friends lists to be legitimate friends. And many of those people are family members. 5% is quite high I don't really use Facebook any more but have 1000+ friends on there and most of them are someone I talked to in a bar for 5 minutes 10 years ago.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 6 Posted April 6 17 hours ago, Yeahmate said: Ladies and gentlemen… we got ’em. Got what? Ask her out. Then you'll be able to say if she is actually interested or if you're going to be her chat buddy. 1
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