Guy Behavior. What You Think He Really Want?

[Sabrina8879]

Warning:This is long. Sorry.

I met this guy back in 2022, we worked together. In 2023, we started texting, talking at work. He would consistently come to wherever I was (at work), he done nice things for me. Like cleaning my desk when he didn’t have to, went out his way for me, bought me something from Starbucks.  He said he bought me something because I was coming in on time, but so was other people but he didn’t give them the same treatment.

He was always close to me, finding reasons to touch or tap me. He never cared who was around, or about the cameras. It was a lot that happened. We even had an intense eye connection. One minute I’m talking, I looked down and back up because I was finished. He’s just looking in my eyes, like he was looking into my soul. The electricity running through my body, people around but it seem like everything stopped. My chest felt heavy, it was intense so I snapped out of it and looked away. I never experienced something like that before, and I couldn’t explain it.
 

I left the job in 2023. Him and I left on bad terms. Innocent mistake on my part. We stayed friends on FB but we didn’t keep in touch. But 8 months later, which was June of last year. He started watching my stories, and liking a picture. So I decided to wish him an Happy Birthday, that was in August. That had opened all communication again. We started checking on each other, he started consistently watching every story I put up. We finally spoke about the problem we had, and I apologized again. He started following me on TikTok also. So now he’s consistently watching me on both platforms and what I put up. 
 

The first time around, neither one of us communicated what we wanted. We just assumed, I assumed only s*x. Because someone told me he wouldn’t want a relationship since his wife passed years before I started working there. Understandable. So this time I wanted clarity to see where him and I stood. I was respectful, even apologize for bothering him on his off day. He said he was fine with me asking, but then his message gave off annoyance, aggressiveness. Then he soften up, he was being contradicting, then going down memory lane of what I said sexual to him. He was all over the place.
 

But he said s*x only, that he wasn’t pursuing me for a relationship. I told him I never assumed he wanted a relationship, not with me anyway, I just thought something casual. This what I told him. We continued the conversation. But after, he fell back. He stopped messaging me, but he continued to watch me on both platforms. I couldn’t understand why. iIf he said s*x only, I basically agreed, so I couldn’t understand why he backed off. He wished me a Happy Thanksgiving, then nothing. He wished me a Merry Christmas, then nothing. So I wished him a Happy New Year. 
 

I decided not to message him like I use to. But whenever he messaged me, I messaged back. He would check on me, comment on pictures etc. Like I said still watching me on both platforms. He ended up sending me a video on both platforms about a guy telling women men need s*x, they shouldn’t have to ask for it, that women don't want men to get it from anywhere else. To just feed them, sex them, and go to bed. It was more for couples. So I didn’t understand why he sent me the video. But we talked about it, and he agreed with everything I said, even about being sexually exclusive. He then said he need to be calling me. I heart his message. That was that. 
 

Last weekend, was my daughter’s birthday. I posted a story. He inbox me Happy Birthday, and told me his daughter birthday was the same day. That he felt how I felt when his daughter was getting older, relating to me. We were speaking on parenting, and how time flies. Today, before he went to work. He sent me a video of this woman speaking about why women are di*kmatized. That women are so much so di*kmatized, that they dream about it, wake up to wondering if their man is giving it to someone else like that. I didn’t understand why send that video. 

But what is going on here? Does he want to be associates, friends, is it s*x only? He’s 54. I never experienced this before, it’s usually quite clear with guys and what they want. He’s making it difficult. I’m fine with being friends. I can’t talk to him, because the first time I asked for clarification. He told me, but nothing. So I was hoping someone around his age would have an idea to what’s going on here. 

[basil67]

I'm his age.   I think he actually has no idea what he wants himself.   And if a guy sent me either of those those videos, I would have gotten the ick and either blocked him or responded with 'WTF?'

Life's too short to waste on people who play silly games and have offensive opinions.   And don't try to be friends with him...there's too much water under the bridge for that. 

[Gebidozo]

OP, I’m a man of roughly the same age as that guy you described. I’m going to be blunt with you.

Why on Earth are you expecting something sexual from a 54 year old man who has the maturity and the emotional IQ of a teenager?

Why are you interested in a man who holds offensive and utterly dumb opinions about women? 

No, let me rephrase that: why would you even want to be friends, or simply have contact with such a person?

Aren’t you disgusted by the videos that he sent you?

Your natural reaction to this guy should be “ewwww”, not “electricity running through your body”.

[ ] 

Edited April 4 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Sabrina8879 said:

He ended up sending me a video on both platforms about a guy telling women men need s*x, they shouldn’t have to ask for it, that women don't want men to get it from anywhere else.

 

5 hours ago, Sabrina8879 said:

He sent me a video of this woman speaking about why women are di*kmatized. That women are so much so di*kmatized, that they dream about it, wake up to wondering if their man is giving it to someone else like that

Why  are you interested in a 54-year-old man who behaves this way? Girl, he's gross. This is the crap someone decades younger than him might find amusing. But for a man over 50? I would be so turned off. 

I think you need to raise the bar and explore better options. This man is ick. 

[Sabrina8879]

19 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

OP, I’m a man of roughly the same age as that guy you described. I’m going to be blunt with you.

Why on Earth are you expecting something sexual from a 54 year old man who has the maturity and the emotional IQ of a teenager?

Why are you interested in a man who holds offensive and utterly dumb opinions about women? 

No, let me rephrase that: why would you even want to be friends, or simply have contact with such a person?

Aren’t you disgusted by the videos that he sent you?

Your natural reaction to this guy should be “ewwww”, not “electricity running through your body”.

I think that you need to work on your self-esteem, gain more respect for yourself, and only communicate with men who respect you. 

I didn’t feel disgusted about the video, because it was of a woman explaining how men get women dickmatized. It was a question over top of the video asking women if it was true. If it was a female associate or friend sending it, it’ll be okay though, right? 
 

Now if you read what I wrote to comprehend, instead of just wanting to be negative. You would’ve known I said the electricity came with the eye contact, which the intense eye contact came about before the videos. If you ever had a moment like that (which obviously you haven’t), you would’ve known that moment is unexpected, rare, intense, and something that can’t be controlled or explained. 
 

Far as me needing to work on my self-esteem and having self respect. Wrong person you’re preaching to. You’re saying this over two video he sent to me, out the two in a half years I’ve known him. Just because you don’t agree with what he sent. Meanwhile, women who actually lack the self respect and self esteem, are out here chasing behind men, putting up with hell over a man, being stupid over a man, desperate over a man, begging men to stay, a pick me over a man, and so on. [ ] 
 

Edited April 4 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[basil67]

[ ] 

@Sabrina8879  Electricity from eye contact (or proximity) is not at all uncommon and certainly not special.  I've had this with co-workers over the years, and other than making me tingle in my nether regions, it means nothing.  It only becomes special when they commit to a relationship and become a solid partner.

 

Edited April 4 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[Gebidozo]

13 hours ago, Sabrina8879 said:

If it was a female associate or friend sending it, it’ll be okay though, right? 

I don’t know. In your case, it was not a female friend who sent it, so why even ask this hypothetical question? In your case, it was a 50 year guy who sent you a video discussing how men always need sex and shouldn’t have to ask for it. 
 

13 hours ago, Sabrina8879 said:

If you ever had a moment like that (which obviously you haven’t), you would’ve known that moment is unexpected, rare, intense, and something that can’t be controlled or explained. 

Precisely because I had many moments like that, I know that they are not rare.

 

13 hours ago, Sabrina8879 said:

Now if you read what I wrote to comprehend, instead of just wanting to be negative.

I really don’t want to be negative, why would you think that? It’s the behavior of the man in your story and you defending him irrationally and angrily that are negative.

 

13 hours ago, Sabrina8879 said:

Meanwhile, women who actually lack the self respect and self esteem, are out here chasing behind men, putting up with hell over a man, being stupid over a man, desperate over a man, begging men to stay, a pick me over a man, and so on.

Why on Earth do you compare yourself with such women?  [ ]

 

Edited April 4 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Sabrina8879 said:

I didn’t feel disgusted about the video, because it was of a woman explaining how men get women dickmatized. It was a question over top of the video asking women if it was true.

You're missing the point. 

The point is that a man at his age is behaving like a frat boy sending you stupid videos.  Huge red flag. Not sure why you don't see that, but I would urge you to stay away from men this immature. 

[Sabrina8879]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

@Gebidozo  how come you're the only one who struck a nerve when a couple of us women had exactly the same reaction? 😯   

@Sabrina8879  Electricity from eye contact (or proximity) is not at all uncommon and certainly not special.  I've had this with co-workers over the years, and other than making me tingle in my nether regions, it means nothing.  It only becomes special when they commit to a relationship and become a solid partner.

 

One, no one else was being disrespectful, assuming anything about who I am over videos. It’s pretty obvious. Society now, has an habit of following the lead. Nitpicking something small out an entire paragraph or two, just to insult someone with. From everything I wrote, he chose to ignore, and pick out the videos to insinuate that I lack the self love and the self respect. 

The first video was about men expressing their needs in relationships, and the second was about a woman explaining how men can affect women emotionally when it comes to sex. These aren’t inherently disgusting or disrespectful. They’re just perspectives or discussions on intimate topics, from a guy that I’ve known for a couple of years, who I have history with. But people are acting immature about it, and suppose to be his same age. 
 

Now, just because that type of moment isn’t special to you. Doesn’t mean you can speak for me or anyone else of how special something is to that person. What you just described is nothing to what I’m talking about and felt in that moment. You want to relate so you can downplay how I felt, but it’s obvious your experience wasn’t my experience.
 

What I felt is so uncommon. How I know? I worked in retirement homes, where older people talked to me about their memories of their partner, how they met, and how they felt. Whenever someone talk about their partner, and how they feel. Yes, some say love at first sight, the person was different, how the person made them feel, and why they love the person. But I haven’t as of yet, ran across someone who explained what I felt. When I spoke about it in my FB group, women wanted that same intensity, asking if we were together, wanted to hear more. 
 

Not saying it can’t happened to someone else, because yesterday I read a guy explaining a similar experience. But it’s rare, and my first time experiencing something like that. It’s like a soul connection, where time stop for that moment. It’s like y’all two are the only ones in that room, electricity running through your entire body, feeling that pull, feeling of being vulnerable because it’s like he’s looking into your soul, y’all are frozen in that moment, chest heavy. But not being able to explain something like that, and why it happened. Not saying he’s my soulmate. But something like that, is very much special. TO ME. You, for this to happen with co workers, often. We’re definitely not speaking on the same experience. Out there type of women usually have the tingling for different guys, for an entire different reason. Soooo…

[Sabrina8879]

15 hours ago, Sabrina8879 said:

Warning:This is long. Sorry.

I met this guy back in 2022, we worked together. In 2023, we started texting, talking at work. He would consistently come to wherever I was (at work), he done nice things for me. Like cleaning my desk when he didn’t have to, went out his way for me, bought me something from Starbucks.  He said he bought me something because I was coming in on time, but so was other people but he didn’t give them the same treatment.

He was always close to me, finding reasons to touch or tap me. He never cared who was around, or about the cameras. It was a lot that happened. We even had an intense eye connection. One minute I’m talking, I looked down and back up because I was finished. He’s just looking in my eyes, like he was looking into my soul. The electricity running through my body, people around but it seem like everything stopped. My chest felt heavy, it was intense so I snapped out of it and looked away. I never experienced something like that before, and I couldn’t explain it.
 

I left the job in 2023. Him and I left on bad terms. Innocent mistake on my part. We stayed friends on FB but we didn’t keep in touch. But 8 months later, which was June of last year. He started watching my stories, and liking a picture. So I decided to wish him an Happy Birthday, that was in August. That had opened all communication again. We started checking on each other, he started consistently watching every story I put up. We finally spoke about the problem we had, and I apologized again. He started following me on TikTok also. So now he’s consistently watching me on both platforms and what I put up. 
 

The first time around, neither one of us communicated what we wanted. We just assumed, I assumed only s*x. Because someone told me he wouldn’t want a relationship since his wife passed years before I started working there. Understandable. So this time I wanted clarity to see where him and I stood. I was respectful, even apologize for bothering him on his off day. He said he was fine with me asking, but then his message gave off annoyance, aggressiveness. Then he soften up, he was being contradicting, then going down memory lane of what I said sexual to him. He was all over the place.
 

But he said s*x only, that he wasn’t pursuing me for a relationship. I told him I never assumed he wanted a relationship, not with me anyway, I just thought something casual. This what I told him. We continued the conversation. But after, he fell back. He stopped messaging me, but he continued to watch me on both platforms. I couldn’t understand why. iIf he said s*x only, I basically agreed, so I couldn’t understand why he backed off. He wished me a Happy Thanksgiving, then nothing. He wished me a Merry Christmas, then nothing. So I wished him a Happy New Year. 
 

I decided not to message him like I use to. But whenever he messaged me, I messaged back. He would check on me, comment on pictures etc. Like I said still watching me on both platforms. He ended up sending me a video on both platforms about a guy telling women men need s*x, they shouldn’t have to ask for it, that women don't want men to get it from anywhere else. To just feed them, sex them, and go to bed. It was more for couples. So I didn’t understand why he sent me the video. But we talked about it, and he agreed with everything I said, even about being sexually exclusive. He then said he need to be calling me. I heart his message. That was that. 
 

Last weekend, was my daughter’s birthday. I posted a story. He inbox me Happy Birthday, and told me his daughter birthday was the same day. That he felt how I felt when his daughter was getting older, relating to me. We were speaking on parenting, and how time flies. Today, before he went to work. He sent me a video of this woman speaking about why women are di*kmatized. That women are so much so di*kmatized, that they dream about it, wake up to wondering if their man is giving it to someone else like that. I didn’t understand why send that video. 

But what is going on here? Does he want to be associates, friends, is it s*x only? He’s 54. I never experienced this before, it’s usually quite clear with guys and what they want. He’s making it difficult. I’m fine with being friends. I can’t talk to him, because the first time I asked for clarification. He told me, but nothing. So I was hoping someone around his age would have an idea to what’s going on here. 

It sounds like some of you either don’t have these kinds of conversations or are just uncomfortable with them. Because the way you’re reacting, you’d think talking about sex in any way is taboo. Meanwhile, grown adults have discussions like this all the time, especially in private. It’s not like he sent something wildly inappropriate, just videos about topics that are a reality for a lot of people. You’re making it deeper than it actually is.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 minutes ago, Sabrina8879 said:

ecause the way you’re reacting, you’d think talking about sex in any way is taboo.

No. We are speaking about the silly videos he sends you, not general conversations about sex. 

It's simply that the way this man communicates with you about sex is immature. My advice to you is not to date men display such immature behaviour. I have dated men his age and the majority have outgrown that sort of thing. The fact that this one hasn't, well, I would give him a hard pass. It's juvenile and there are better men out there. 

And anyway, he's been clear: 

15 hours ago, Sabrina8879 said:

But he said s*x only, that he wasn’t pursuing me for a relationship.

He wil have sex with you, but not date you. He will seek attention from you when he's bored or feels like chatting or wants some affection, but please don't mistake this for anything more than casual entertainment. It is clear from your posts that you feel things very deeply, and I would be concernd you'd wind up terribly hurt if you came to expect (or hope for) more from this guy. 

[flitzanu]

17 hours ago, Sabrina8879 said:

 

But he said s*x only, that he wasn’t pursuing me for a relationship.

there's your answer, he told you he was only after sex.  

[basil67]

21 hours ago, Sabrina8879 said:

 He ended up sending me a video on both platforms about a guy telling women men need s*x, they shouldn’t have to ask for it, that women don't want men to get it from anywhere else. To just feed them, sex them, and go to bed
 

He sent me a video of this woman speaking about why women are di*kmatized. That women are so much so di*kmatized, that they dream about it, wake up to wondering if their man is giving it to someone else like that. I didn’t understand why send that video. 

Sabrina, you are struggling to understand why we got creeped out by the videos he sent you.   May I respectfully try to explain?

The way you describe the first video, it sounds like some kind of trad wife thing where a woman's role is to anticipate and serve all her husband's needs.   Now as a progressive woman, this gave me the horrors.  If a guy sent me this, I'd be immediately responding with "This isn't going to work out between us"

The second video is just weird.  Yes, this woman has her opinion and she's free to express it, but it's so incredibly stupid and he actually sent it to you.   You're right to not understand why he sent that video, and if I'd received it, I'd be responding to him with "Well she's a f'king idiot.  Is this something you agree with?"

All in all, those videos represent a degree of patriarchy that I would run from.  I don't care how much eye contact there was, this would be a straight up dealbreaker.

That said, there's a lid for every pot and if you like and agree with what he sent you, then by all means, carry on

Edited April 4 by basil67

[Gebidozo]

8 hours ago, Sabrina8879 said:

Because the way you’re reacting, you’d think talking about sex in any way is taboo.

You’re completely missing the point. Nobody said talking about sex was taboo. I talk about sex a lot. It’s the way that guy talked that is off-putting. And not about sex even, not sex per se, but his attitude to women.

He isn’t even interested in a relationship with you, he admitted he only wanted sex, and then he sends you videos either describing antiquated gender roles in a offensive way, or just stating some plain dumb things.

Why are you refusing to see that?

You posted this topic because you felt something was wrong with his behavior. Well, everyone told you what was wrong: he was being immature and creepy and disrespectful. Instead of heeding the advice, you’re now getting defensive. Why?

Edited April 5 by Gebidozo

[Sabrina8879]

On 4/4/2025 at 2:15 PM, flitzanu said:

there's your answer, he told you he was only after sex. 

That was my answer. But we never had sex, and he’s not pushing it, talking about it. He’s just there. So that’s why I was asking to get an understanding. It’s been five months since he said that.

Different people saying maybe he changed his mind, maybe after you agreed he realized that’s not what he wanted, he don’t know what he wants, if it’s sex only he would’ve gotten it or moved on etc. 

So I was trying to figure him out.