sanne Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Well after 4 months of solid NC, I decided to send my ex a txt msg wishing her a happy birthday and a happy new year. I wasn't expecting much of a reply back, maybe a simple "I"m doing great, thanks". Instead, she IM'd me and we had a very nice and pleasant chat. It turns out we are in the same class this quarter, and neither of us know anybody else in the class. The first time I saw her again, my emotions were pretty much in check. But we've been talking everyday online since then, and now it's like the feelings I used to have for her are just sweeping over me again. I can't explain it, I mean I should never want to speak to this girl again, but I still have very strong and deep feelings towards this girl. I knew that if we had continued contact and kept talking like this I would end up a mess, so I sent her a txt telling her that we can't talk or see each other because things might get too complicated. When I'm around this girl, I'm not in control of myself at all. I'm smart enough now to realize that the only solution for me is to pull myself away from the situation entirely. 1
ReluctantRomeo Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Well done Sanne. This must be hard for you, but it's wise to know your own heart and its limitations. If LS had an emotional intelligence award section, I'd be nominating you right now. In the absence of this, here are some props
In Sync Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 I'm so curious about this one. Ok you broke NC, after 4 months. Right? You even manage to resume to a point of communicating with her amiably and favorably, you recognize you still have feelings for her...so what did you spend your time talking about everyday online? AND now you're ready to cease contact and resume NC. There was no opportunity to delicately approach the 'pink elephant' in the livingroom...Your feelings for one another or was there a chance to work things out, did that topic ever come up? This sounds agonizing more because you did go back to square 1 but what for did you break NC to just talk about school?
Author sanne Posted January 11, 2006 Author Posted January 11, 2006 the situation, as always, is complicated. she is seeing someone else and so am I. The guy she is with is the exact opposite of me, and apparently he doesn't even want to call her his gf. The girl I'm with is literally the exact opposite of my ex. On paper, the girl I'm with is perfect, but the feelings I have towards her and those I have towards my ex are not the same. With my ex, my heart literally feels like it's going to pop out of my chest at any moment. I can't describe it, but it's an incredible feeling that I just don't get with this girl. i wish i didn't have these feelings towards her, to be honest, when I think about it I can easily see myself throwing away a good relationship just to be with her. she has that effect on me, i just lose all control. the only rational option I have is to just get away from this situation. i honestly don't know if she feels as strongly towards me about any of this. even if she did, i know it's not a good idea to get involved.
In Sync Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Whoa you are with someone who likes you (I'm assuming yes naturally). Does she know about the "X" and your continued e- mail conversation you've resumed. That's strange. Maybe you should let the knew girl that you need to be solo for a bit. (Without implying it's a bad sign nor an end of course, but so that the new girl is not getting short-changed in this picture) Why did you start seriously dating if you weren't out of the woods yet?
Author sanne Posted January 11, 2006 Author Posted January 11, 2006 i waited 4 months to start dating again. the girl i'm with actually approached me first, and everything felt right at the time so I just went with it. we've only been dating a little over a month, and things are really great between us. i didn't start thinking about my ex until i left home and went back to school. i honestly didn't expect to get much of any reply from her, but as soon as we started talking i just couldn't pull myself away. i want to see things workout between me and my current gf, but I'm hesitant because I know I don't feel as strongly towards her as I do about my ex. i just wish relationships weren't so complicated, my life is well-balanced and I have a good girl but something just isn't right. i honestly feel like my ex is my other missing half sometimes, and it scares me that she has that much power over me. the only logical solution i see here is to just pull myself away from my ex because she clouds my mind and judgement.
In Sync Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 The way this sounds, is you were on the road to recovering, met a nice girl. Your subconscious mind was not accepting of this good thing happening, so you decided to invite a complication into the story. You of course are starting to see your new girl as not having the same pull as the ex...The ex came with drama. The new girl is not drama. You feel comfort zone with drama. Solution is right, NC with ex. And don't compare NU 1, with ex.
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