ExpatInItaly Posted April 8 Share Posted April 8 3 hours ago, Gina2005 said: Yes, also, my grandmother raised me, so, there is that. Is he from the same background? in a way yes, but he was raised by his parents. So, it stand to argue that he was not rasied in a very conservative environment? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gina2005 Posted April 9 Author Share Posted April 9 10 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: So, it stand to argue that he was not rasied in a very conservative environment? Not as conservative as mine. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 9 Share Posted April 9 On 4/7/2025 at 4:00 PM, Gina2005 said: Yes! he will pick me up! and he mentioned that he was curious to meet some friends that I have told him about and that will be at the party. ...Well, see how the party goes and if he treats it as two friends hanging out or something more. The beauty is that: You get to observe his behavior in a social setting. You'll have natural opportunities for flirty banter. Whether he sees this as a date or not, enjoy yourself. If it's purely friendly → You have clarity and can adjust expectations. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gina2005 Posted April 12 Author Share Posted April 12 Hello all. There's a guy I've been out with a few times, but I still don't know what's going on between us. A few days ago, we agreed to go together to a party with a friend of mine (he doesn't know her) on April 19th. Well, he tells me that a friend of his is getting married in June, and he'd like me to accompany him because he wouldn't want to go alone or with anyone else. The thing is, his ex will be at that wedding with her new partner, since the couple getting married are mutual friends. How can I interpret this? Besides, the wedding is at least two months away, and I don't know what will happen between us between now and then. Am I a friend helping a friend or what? I'm lost. He told me I didn't have to answer him right now because he understands it could be an awkward situation, and that he didn't want to tell me later so I wouldn't think we'd been seeing each other just so he could find a date for that wedding. He tells me he was worried I'd misinterpret things since he really likes me and wants to see what happens between us, but that he was running out of time and needed to ask me if I was willing to accompany him to this wedding where his ex will be. I'm navigating uncharted waters, is this a good or bad sign? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 This guy has been keeping you in this limbo for a while now, where all your interactions feel platonic and nothing has actually happened between the two of you, but you're not sure if he might possibly be interested in you as more than a friend. This guy sounds like he either sees you as just a good friend, or he's socially awkward and has no idea how to make a move, so things just keep going along platonically. At this point I think it's time you just ask him. Say, "Hey I've been confused about things. I can't tell whether you want to date me, or whether you consider us just friends. I like you and I'd be interested in dating if you are, but things have been hard to read so I just wanted to ask you." I know it can be hard to talk to someone about that but it's better than staying in confused limbo indefinitely. And maybe that would influence your decision as to whether to say yes to going to this wedding with him. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gina2005 Posted April 12 Author Share Posted April 12 3 hours ago, ShyViolet said: This guy has been keeping you in this limbo for a while now, where all your interactions feel platonic and nothing has actually happened between the two of you, but you're not sure if he might possibly be interested in you as more than a friend. This guy sounds like he either sees you as just a good friend, or he's socially awkward and has no idea how to make a move, so things just keep going along platonically. At this point I think it's time you just ask him. Say, "Hey I've been confused about things. I can't tell whether you want to date me, or whether you consider us just friends. I like you and I'd be interested in dating if you are, but things have been hard to read so I just wanted to ask you." I know it can be hard to talk to someone about that but it's better than staying in confused limbo indefinitely. And maybe that would influence your decision as to whether to say yes to going to this wedding with him. Thank you, I will have to talk the talk before june I guess Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 The wedding doesn't necessarily mean anything - people often bring a date just so family members don't harass them about it or so that they'll be seated with a person they know. If you want to know how he feels about you, you're going to have to ask him. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 10 hours ago, Gina2005 said: Hello all. There's a guy I've been out with a few times, but I still don't know what's going on between us. A few days ago, we agreed to go together to a party with a friend of mine (he doesn't know her) on April 19th. Well, he tells me that a friend of his is getting married in June, and he'd like me to accompany him because he wouldn't want to go alone or with anyone else. The thing is, his ex will be at that wedding with her new partner, since the couple getting married are mutual friends. How can I interpret this? Besides, the wedding is at least two months away, and I don't know what will happen between us between now and then. Am I a friend helping a friend or what? I'm lost. He told me I didn't have to answer him right now because he understands it could be an awkward situation, and that he didn't want to tell me later so I wouldn't think we'd been seeing each other just so he could find a date for that wedding. He tells me he was worried I'd misinterpret things since he really likes me and wants to see what happens between us, but that he was running out of time and needed to ask me if I was willing to accompany him to this wedding where his ex will be. I'm navigating uncharted waters, is this a good or bad sign? If you had been dating for a significant period of time and there was a clear, mutual commitment, attending a wedding together (even with an ex present) might feel like a natural step. But when you're newly dating and still figuring out what "this" is? his ex's presence complicates things. I would decline going Two months of dating is absolutely enough time to gauge someone’s intentions and he is asking for a future commitment without present effort. The guy seems interested enough to invite you to a wedding, but there's ambiguity about your relationship status. The presence of his ex just adds another layer of complexity. I know these conversations can be hard and scary but I feel you're totally okay to just communicate to him that you need to be honest—you're confused. He's mentioned liking you, but you haven’t seen each other much lately. I.E. "Can we talk about what we’re both looking for here? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 6 hours ago, Gina2005 said: Thank you, I will have to talk the talk before june I guess Before June? It makes no sense to wait that long. If you have no idea what this guy wants from you, it would make sense to find that out asap, because you might be wasting your time here. You just need to use your words and talk to him. It doesn't have to be all dramatic and a big deal. I would just bring it up casually. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 1 hour ago, Alpacalia said: But when you're newly dating and still figuring out what "this" is? his ex's presence complicates things. I would decline going I woud decline as well. OP, there's too much grey area here with this guy and you've only been out, what, 3 or 4 times now? Being his date to a wedding his ex is also attending would just feel weird to me, under the circumstances. 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 18 hours ago, Gina2005 said: He tells me he was worried I'd misinterpret things since he really likes me and wants to see what happens between us, And you didn't probe what he meant by this? This was a perfect opening to get some clarification. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gina2005 Posted April 13 Author Share Posted April 13 1 minute ago, introverted1 said: And you didn't probe what he meant by this? This was a perfect opening to get some clarification. I just took it as if he is going trough the same as I'm. I have come to the conclusion that the wedding just complicates things. On one hand, I can ask him about where we are going, and he can tell me what I want to hear so he can have a date for that day. On the other hand, he can feel pressured or rushed if he doesn't feel that way about me, and just end things. I just got an idea, the next time we see each other, I'm gonna try and steer the conversation into "why do you want me to be your date for that wedding? Honestly, this Is our 5th date and we haven't even kissed yet, are you planning to wait until your ex is looking? " Or something similar, I don't want to sound rude. Depending on what happens I'll decide if I go with him. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 4 hours ago, Gina2005 said: 'm gonna try and steer the conversation into "why do you want me to be your date for that wedding? Honestly, this Is our 5th date and we haven't even kissed yet, are you planning to wait until your ex is looking? " Or something similar, I don't want to sound rude. Girl, no. If you want to instantly kill any chance of this actually going somewhere, what I have underlined will take care of that pretty quickly. If you are actually still interested in this guy, you need to re-think what you plan to say. Don't approach the conversation like that. It's passive aggressive, and yes, it sounds rude.You might not be wrong about his motivations to bring you to the wedding, to be clear, but wording it that way isn't going to lead the conversation anywhere constructive. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gina2005 Posted April 13 Author Share Posted April 13 2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Girl, no. If you want to instantly kill any chance of this actually going somewhere, what I have underlined will take care of that pretty quickly. If you are actually still interested in this guy, you need to re-think what you plan to say. Don't approach the conversation like that. It's passive aggressive, and yes, it sounds rude.You might not be wrong about his motivations to bring you to the wedding, to be clear, but wording it that way isn't going to lead the conversation anywhere constructive. Then how should I say? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
enterthevoid Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gina2005 said: Then how should I say? This is just me, but I'd write "You must like and trust me a lot to invite me to a wedding 😉 Also, this guy might be dense, autistic or shy. If you want a move to be made, you might need to be the one to make it. (It's also possible he's asexual or very demisexual, but in that case its better to know that sooner than later). Edited April 13 by enterthevoid Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gina2005 Posted April 13 Author Share Posted April 13 1 hour ago, enterthevoid said: This is just me, but I'd write "You must like and trust me a lot to invite me to a wedding 😉 Also, this guy might be dense, autistic or shy. If you want a move to be made, you might need to be the one to make it. (It's also possible he's asexual or very demisexual, but in that case its better to know that sooner than later). There are certain things that make me think he is autistic, but I'm no expert. Anyway, I'll see what happens next saturday, we gonna have to talk about us. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 This situation has made no progress since you first started writing about it. Rather than trying to figure him out, work on figuring yourself out. Specifically the reason why you are so fixated on a guy who, for whatever reason, doesn't share your enthusiasm. Is he the only available boy in your town? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
enterthevoid Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 (edited) 31 minutes ago, Gina2005 said: Anyway, I'll see what happens next saturday, we gonna have to talk about us. yes, talking to him directly about it is 100% the answer. it will save both of you time and youll know the answer immediately. you can ask him why he hasn't made a move on you yet. so you can figure out if he wants to but is just shy , OR if he just prefers taking things slow. Quote Rather than trying to figure him out, work on figuring yourself out. Specifically the reason why you are so fixated on a guy who, for whatever reason, doesn't share your enthusiasm. Is he the only available boy in your town? The answer is even simpler than that. Just have a 5 minute totally honest conversation with him. Poof. Suddenly, theres no more weeks of overthinking, and what-if's and pages of debates in the comments. None of that. Mega-honesty is a cheatcode that lets you skip past all of the anxiety and nonsense. Edited April 13 by enterthevoid 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gina2005 Posted April 13 Author Share Posted April 13 13 minutes ago, basil67 said: This situation has made no progress since you first started writing about it. Rather than trying to figure him out, work on figuring yourself out. Specifically the reason why you are so fixated on a guy who, for whatever reason, doesn't share your enthusiasm. Is he the only available boy in your town? It's not like he is the only one available, but my interactions with other guys have been way way worse. I rather not talk about those interactions, you gonna have to trust me on this one. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 1 minute ago, Gina2005 said: It's not like he is the only one available, but my interactions with other guys have been way way worse. I rather not talk about those interactions, you gonna have to trust me on this one. I do trust you, but going from bad to being stuck on a guy who's not interested isn't an improvement. If you've had a heap of bad interactions with boys, have a look at your own role in this with a view to learning how to avoid them in future. For example, what red flags did you miss? Or what could you have done differently? You don't have to respond to this, but do give is some thought. For example, when I was young back in the '80s, I thought that if a guy wanted to kiss me and feel me, then it meant he wanted to date me. So then I was kissed and groped by boys who never ended up as a boyfriend and I just ended up disappointed. I highly recommend you read the book 'He's Just Not That Into You' by Greg Behrendt. We women need to know how to recognise when we are wasting our time on someone who doesn't share our enthusiasm. I wish this book had been around when I was young! It would have saved me a whole lot of angst 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted April 14 Share Posted April 14 2 hours ago, Gina2005 said: It's not like he is the only one available, but my interactions with other guys have been way way worse. I rather not talk about those interactions, you gonna have to trust me on this one. Of course, it’s your right not to talk about those interactions, but if you choose to share at least some of that information with us, it will help us understand you better and perhaps give you a better advice. You see, if a 20 year old woman says all her interactions with men have been worse than the relative lack of interaction with a lukewarm, passive guy, something must be wrong there. Not wrong with you, but possibly wrong in the way you choose men to interact with. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gina2005 Posted April 14 Author Share Posted April 14 2 hours ago, Gebidozo said: Of course, it’s your right not to talk about those interactions, but if you choose to share at least some of that information with us, it will help us understand you better and perhaps give you a better advice. You see, if a 20 year old woman says all her interactions with men have been worse than the relative lack of interaction with a lukewarm, passive guy, something must be wrong there. Not wrong with you, but possibly wrong in the way you choose men to interact with. Oh no, they have chosen me. And they haven't been that many, I'll give a two examples: One of them asked me out, we set a day, then, when he find out I was going out with some friends the day before our date, he tried to convince me to cancel those plans go out with him instead, I said I couldn't do it since it was the only day all my friends had available, he said it was OK and then proceeded to ghost me. Another, a former coworker, older than the guy I've been writing about, accused me of leading him on (all we had was just some friendly banter at work), after I told him I only saw him as friend (and not even that if I'm being honest). So, somebody who doesn't act like a jackass, a weirdo, or is too insecure to ask a 5'11 girl out, is in my opinion definitely boyfriend material. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 14 Share Posted April 14 1 hour ago, Gina2005 said: omebody who doesn't act like a jackass, a weirdo, or is too insecure to ask a 5'11 girl out, is in my opinion definitely boyfriend material. Your bar is very low. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 14 Share Posted April 14 2 hours ago, Gina2005 said: And they haven't been that many, I'll give a two examples: One of them asked me out, we set a day, then, when he find out I was going out with some friends the day before our date, he tried to convince me to cancel those plans go out with him instead, I said I couldn't do it since it was the only day all my friends had available, he said it was OK and then proceeded to ghost me. This is weird, but neither of you were invested in the other....so it's really not worth comparing 2 hours ago, Gina2005 said: Another, a former coworker, older than the guy I've been writing about, accused me of leading him on (all we had was just some friendly banter at work), after I told him I only saw him as friend (and not even that if I'm being honest). He misunderstood and got butthurt. Not great, but hardly the end of the world 2 hours ago, Gina2005 said: So, somebody who doesn't act like a jackass, a weirdo, or is too insecure to ask a 5'11 girl out, is in my opinion definitely boyfriend material. This is very low bar. Are you really so desperate for a date? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gina2005 Posted April 14 Author Share Posted April 14 7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Your bar is very low. 5 hours ago, basil67 said: This is weird, but neither of you were invested in the other....so it's really not worth comparing He misunderstood and got butthurt. Not great, but hardly the end of the world This is very low bar. Are you really so desperate for a date? I know the bar is low, I know my previous experiences weren't the end of the world, but that was the closest I got to having a date before. So, that's what I got as a reference. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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