I guess he is not that much into me? UPDATED: He asked me to a wedding

[Gina2005]

17 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What hasn't been in his fault? 

I don't see that he's asked to see you very much.  He asked last time and then never followed up. That isn't a man who's very interested. I don't know what other sign you need, really. 

This is how it went:

1st date, his cousin set us up.

2nd date, he asked me out

3rd date, I asked him.

4th date, he asked me out, I was not available for that day, we haven't talked about going out again, but  we talk every day.

I'm really feeling under the weather right now, I wont ask him out this weekend or touch the subject, and I really hope he doesn't either, because I will have to say I can't go out again  and it won't be his fault if we don't see each other.

I come from a very conservative family, and I've only just started dating.

So, besides going out, or seeing each other in person, I really want to know how can I tell if he is interested.

Maybe something about our conversations? 

 

Edited April 4 by Gina2005

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

Maybe something about our conversations? 

Not really. Anyone can have conversations, especially now with all the technology at our fingertips to communicate easily. 

5 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

So, besides going out, or seeing each other in person, I really want to know how can I tell if he is interested.

You won't be able to tell if you're barely seeing each other in person. That is the point. If he's not expressing much interest in seeing you and spending more time with you, he's not that into you. It really is that simple. 

 

[Gina2005]

And of course, it had to happen, he asked to go out with him tomorrow 

I told him I wasn't feeling so well but that I'll let him know if I felt better tomorrow, I hope he doesn't think I'm avoiding him now. 😟

 

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, Gina2005 said:

And of course, it had to happen, he asked to go out with him tomorrow 

I told him I wasn't feeling so well but that I'll let him know if I felt better tomorrow, I hope he doesn't think I'm avoiding him now. 😟

 

He very likely will feel that you're not interested because you weren't proactive in coming up with an alternative date.   "If I'm not OK tomorrow, let's work out a new date which works for both of us"

[Gina2005]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

He very likely will feel that you're not interested because you weren't proactive in coming up with an alternative date.   "If I'm not OK tomorrow, let's work out a new date which works for both of us"

Dang it!

I think I can still save it, thanks!

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

Dang it!

I think I can still save it, thanks!

It's really no different to the kind of conversation you'd have with your female friends when trying to organise a catch up

[Gina2005]

25 minutes ago, basil67 said:

It's really no different to the kind of conversation you'd have with your female friends when trying to organise a catch up

Yes, we have agreed on going out the next date we are both available, it could be as soon as tomorrow if I feel better.

Thanks again.

[Gina2005]

So, we went to have pizza last night, he didn't let me pay my share even though I insisted, then we went to a park where we spent four hours talking and laughing, and that was it, I must admit that there was nothing romantic or flirtatious about our interaction, just a hug when I arrived and another when we said goodbye.

We texted each other to say we were home, I live closer to where we were so I texted first, and then  wished each other sweet dreams.

Are we going somewhere?

Should I make it more obvious that I'm into him? How?

I'm not exactly flirty-savy.

[FredEire]

It's all about effort. If someone is really motivated to see you they'll make time for it, and want to see you more than 3 times in 2 months. It doesn't sound like this guy is interested enough to make the effort.

[ShyViolet]

5 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

Are we going somewhere?

Should I make it more obvious that I'm into him? How?

If this has been going on for two months and you're still questioning whether it is going somewhere, and it feels platonic, I would say you already have your answer.  When a guy is into you, you'll know.  

[Gina2005]

4 hours ago, FredEire said:

It's all about effort. If someone is really motivated to see you they'll make time for it, and want to see you more than 3 times in 2 months. It doesn't sound like this guy is interested enough to make the effort.

4 times now.

Why does he ask me out then?😟

 

[Gina2005]

3 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

When a guy is into you, you'll know.  

I have never had a boyfriend and this is literally my first experience dating. 

I'm having a hard time reading the signs, if there are any.

 

[enterthevoid]

Regarding the comments that if he wanted to make a move he would've, keep in mind he might be shy, anxious, demisexual or maybe even on the autism spectrum.

 

Quote

I have never had a boyfriend and this is literally my first experience dating. 

You may need to a date multiple people to find your partner.  It's possible that this guy has a lot of good attributes, but maybe there isn't a romantic chemistry.

If he's the only person you dated, you have nothing else to compare it to.

You're putting too much stock in this one person.  It shouldn't take 3 months to know if there's romantic chemistry.  Find that out in 2 weeks, and if there's no spark, decide to be platonic, and then move on to meet other people..

 

Quote

I'm having a hard time reading the signs, if there are any.

This is why you shouldn't go by signs.  Just ask him directly how he feels about you.  Ask him directly if he sees something romantic.  And if he does, and he's too shy to make a move, you can make a move if you want to.

[Gaeta]

16 minutes ago, enterthevoid said:

This is why you shouldn't go by signs.  Just ask him directly how he feels about you.  Ask him directly if he sees something romantic.  And if he does, and he's too shy to make a move, you can make a move if you want to.

She should judge a man by his actions. At the very beginning we should not rely on what they say to us. Men do not handle well rejecting women and they often lie or manipulate the truth just to keep a woman around for attention or sex.

OP, people treat us the way they feel about us. 4 dates in 2 months = not that interested. Learn to eliminate quickly the time waster.

Edited April 6 by Gaeta

[glows]

On 4/4/2025 at 5:45 PM, Gina2005 said:

Yes, we have agreed on going out the next date we are both available, it could be as soon as tomorrow if I feel better.

Thanks again.

This is a good sign. 

I don’t know about head over heels. Practice some law of detachment. You’re not an item, it’s too early to be this involved. Take him off that emotional pedestal. I’m not saying date and talk to other men to distract yourself. It is not necessary. Really decenter this guy from your life. If you’re initiating a lot of texts and follows up, stop and see whether he initiates anything or checks in to see how you feel. You’re checking for behavioural types and empathy too. Is he sincerely interested in your life and a caring type of person? Who is this guy aside from a mutual contact? Are you looking at him more as a whole person with flaws as well as strengths or are you in a fixated state of wanting to acquire something you don’t have? Look at him hard. I mean really look at him. What does he offer. What does he give to you to add to your peace in your life? Or does he not? 

I hope it works out but don’t be too moved if it doesn’t. Don’t give in to your desires and wants right away. See him exactly for what he is first. 

[Gina2005]

34 minutes ago, enterthevoid said:

Regarding the comments that if he wanted to make a move he would've, keep in mind he might be shy, anxious, demisexual or maybe even on the autism spectrum.

 

You may need to a date multiple people to find your partner.  It's possible that this guy has a lot of good attributes, but maybe there isn't a romantic chemistry.

If he's the only person you dated, you have nothing else to compare it to.

You're putting too much stock in this one person.  It shouldn't take 3 months to know if there's romantic chemistry.  Find that out in 2 weeks, and if there's no spark, decide to be platonic, and then move on to meet other people..

 

This is why you shouldn't go by signs.  Just ask him directly how he feels about you.  Ask him directly if he sees something romantic.  And if he does, and he's too shy to make a move, you can make a move if you want to.

He is kind of shy, or maybe autistic, he avoids looking me in the eyes too much when we talk, but he doesn't shy away from a hug.

I really don't mind putting too much in stock with him, I don't have anything else going on with my romantic life, and I think he is worth it, heck, I think we are worth it.

I'm gonna have to ask him directly, make my move or whatever, odds are 50/50, it is after all a yes or no question.

[Gina2005]

11 minutes ago, glows said:

This is a good sign. 

If you’re initiating a lot of texts and follows up, stop and see whether he initiates anything or checks in to see how you feel. You’re checking for behavioural types and empathy too. Is he sincerely interested in your life and a caring type of person? 

Sometimes I start the conversation, sometimes he does.

When I told him I was having that horrible headache he asked me if there was anything he could do to help me with that, I told him I just needed a few hours of deep sleep in a dark room, he checked on me the next day to ask how I was.

He remembers the things I tell him about my life, my family, my pets, my friends, and asks follow up questions about all that.

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

4 times now.

Why does he ask me out then?😟

 

Why not?

He might be just stringing you along, keeping you close until he meets someone he is really passionate about. Or, he might just like you as a friend. After all, you didn’t communicate to him any romantic feelings.

As everyone else in this thread has already told you, his actions testify of a low romantic interest or lack of romantic interest on his part.

You say you have a hard time reading the signs. You shouldn’t be having a hard time because a guy who really likes you would have given you 100% clear signs a long time ago.

[Alpacalia]

This whole situation sounds like a classic case of two people who could be great together but are stuck in a weird dance of hesitation.

You like him. He seems to like you—at least enough to ask you out twice. But after you couldn’t make the second one and suggested another time, he didn’t follow up. If he really wanted to see you, he would’ve locked in plans when you said you were free the next week.

You’ve already shown interest (you asked him out last time + told him when you were free). If he doesn’t meet you halfway now, he’s either:

Not that into it.

Too passive for what you want in a partner.

 

[Gina2005]

12 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

This whole situation sounds like a classic case of two people who could be great together but are stuck in a weird dance of hesitation.

You like him. He seems to like you—at least enough to ask you out twice. But after you couldn’t make the second one and suggested another time, he didn’t follow up. If he really wanted to see you, he would’ve locked in plans when you said you were free the next week.

You’ve already shown interest (you asked him out last time + told him when you were free). If he doesn’t meet you halfway now, he’s either:

Not that into it.

Too passive for what you want in a partner.

 

We went out last night, I posted an update on this.

Can you please read it ?

Maybe your opinion will change.

 

[Alvi]

5 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

He is kind of shy, or maybe autistic, he avoids looking me in the eyes too much when we talk, but he doesn't shy away from a hug.

I had shy guys asking me out, shyly. They still can manage to arrange a date with a girl that they like. I suppose he could be on a spectrum. That would explain his behavior. I can't what his feelings for you are. But I see that you are not really feeling it so I am going to assume that he is not feeling it either. I am sensing a low interest on his part but who knows. Or maybe he is interested but afraid to take things to the next level. And by the next level I mean meeting you more often.

6 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

I really don't mind putting too much in stock with him, I don't have anything else going on with my romantic life, and I think he is worth it, heck, I think we are worth it.

Definitely, you can see how this pays out. You never know, sometimes friendship can blossom and turn into something more. Give it a month or two  (the most) and re-evaluate how things are at that point.

Do you think that he actually wants a real long-term relationship vs texting? 

[Gina2005]

19 minutes ago, Alvi said:

I had shy guys asking me out, shyly. They still can manage to arrange a date with a girl that they like. I suppose he could be on a spectrum. That would explain his behavior. I can't what his feelings for you are. But I see that you are not really feeling it so I am going to assume that he is not feeling it either. I am sensing a low interest on his part but who knows. Or maybe he is interested but afraid to take things to the next level. And by the next level I mean meeting you more often.

Definitely, you can see how this pays out. You never know, sometimes friendship can blossom and turn into something more. Give it a month or two  (the most) and re-evaluate how things are at that point.

Do you think that he actually wants a real long-term relationship vs texting? 

Would he want a long term relationship with me? I have no idea, all I know is that he isn't dating somebody else.

I guess if we start seeing each other more often it will be a good sign.

[basil67]

16 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

So, we went to have pizza last night, he didn't let me pay my share even though I insisted, then we went to a park where we spent four hours talking and laughing, and that was it, I must admit that there was nothing romantic or flirtatious about our interaction, just a hug when I arrived and another when we said goodbye.

We texted each other to say we were home, I live closer to where we were so I texted first, and then  wished each other sweet dreams.

Are we going somewhere?

Should I make it more obvious that I'm into him? How?

I'm not exactly flirty-savy.

And it would seem that he's not flirty-savvy either.   Ant that's OK because both of you are young and with minimal experience. 

It will unfold in whatever way it's meant to be, in it's own time.   

 

[enterthevoid]

Quote

4 dates in 2 months = not that interested

No one would go on 4 dates with someone they have zero interest in.   Let alone agree to a 5th date and propose other dates.

While it's not certain whether this is romantic or platonic, it's not fair to call him a timewaster.

Let's try not to make assumptions about this person.  We don't know him.  We haven't heard his side.

 

[Alpacalia]

14 hours ago, Gina2005 said:

We went out last night, I posted an update on this.

Can you please read it ?

Maybe your opinion will change.

 

You’re clearly invested in figuring out where this is going, and your feelings are valid—but it’s time to cut through the noise and focus on actionable insights. He’s asked you out twice, which shows some initiative, but his lack of follow-up after you were busy is telling. High interest = consistent effort. If he wanted to lock in plans, he’d propose a specific day when you said you were free the following week.

You’re caught in a classic dating limbo: "Do I reach out again, or wait for him?"

After you canceled, he might assume you’re not interested (even though you explained your availability).

Some people freeze when plans fall through, unsure how to reset.

Maybe start with a friendly greeting. Then mention enjoying the time spent together.

If he responds with enthusiasm, great! If he’s vague or silent, you’ll know to focus your energy elsewhere.

I don't believe that all relationships have to go from 0-60 in a set period of time.

Relationships don’t have to escalate quickly to be meaningful.

You’re allowed to set the pace that feels right for you.

Edited April 7 by Alpacalia