lemonicetea Posted April 2 Posted April 2 Recently I matched with a guy on a dating app and we were just making some basic small talk. It seems like we have some common interests. We were talking for a couple days and then he tells me that he is bed bound and has lived in a hospital for the past several years and only recently had to move into his dad’s house (that’s like 30 miles from where I live). I don’t want to discriminate against people’s disabilities, but I feel a bit on the fence with trying to peruse a relationship with someone with this severe of a disability. What should I do?
basil67 Posted April 2 Posted April 2 Whoa, slow down! Disability aside, you're considering whether or not to pursue a relationship with a guy who you've had "some basic small talk" with and have "some common interests". This is crazy talk. If him being bedbound is not a dealbreaker, then meet him. Talk with him. See if you even get on well with each other. Find out if dating is even feasible. I hope this isn't representative of how you approach dating in general. If it is, you might do well to learn to slow it down a bit. To take things date by date
hercules22 Posted April 2 Posted April 2 if that something you dont see yourself being comfortable longterm your better off not going for him
FredEire Posted April 2 Posted April 2 (edited) It's good to have empathy but the reality is that having a relationship with someone with that big of a disability would be massively stressful. It's fine not to want that. Edited April 2 by FredEire 1
enterthevoid Posted April 2 Posted April 2 (edited) 30 miles is long distance. Driving an hour there and back, especially after you've completed a long work shift, can be a lot. Does he have a car and drive? Quote I don’t want to discriminate against people’s disabilities Having a preference is not discrimination. You're not obligated to date anyone. If I were disabled, I wouldn't want someone who wasn't really into me to date me just so they could feel inclusive and better about themselves. Edited April 2 by enterthevoid 1
Els Posted April 2 Posted April 2 4 hours ago, enterthevoid said: 30 miles is long distance. Driving an hour there and back, especially after you've completed a long work shift, can be a lot. You drive at 30 miles an hour...? OP, firstly I'm not sure if your phone is autocorrecting you or anything, but it's "pursue", not "peruse". Secondly, I would not pursue this, personally. It's one thing if I happened to meet someone organically and then something happened to cause them to be bedbound. Another thing entirely to start out dating someone who is already bedbound (or close to it). You don't need a reason to not be in a relationship with someone. On the other hand, you should have a good reason TO be in a relationship, and you don't have one. 2
basil67 Posted April 2 Posted April 2 (edited) 3 hours ago, Els said: You drive at 30 miles an hour...? The road experience of @enterthevoid may not be the same as yours. If I was to drive 30 miles in my city in an area with no motorways, it would take me 1 1/2 hours to get to my destination. Commuting sucks And it also raises a good point. This distance (without motorways) would be a no-go for me in dating. Edited April 2 by basil67
Author lemonicetea Posted April 2 Author Posted April 2 4 hours ago, Els said: You drive at 30 miles an hour...? OP, firstly I'm not sure if your phone is autocorrecting you or anything, but it's "pursue", not "peruse". Yes, stupid autocorrect. And it would probably take close to and hour with the kind of traffic we have in my neck of the woods.
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