Worried about having made gf uncomfortable over the phone

[hxnzxo]

Hello, before I get into this I want to say I very likely have a form of OCD to do with having gone too far or committed a crime in terms of sexual things with my girlfriend. I think it's Harm OCD?
I’ve spoken to advisors and they contacted my local doctors’ service so I can see a therapist, but I’m worried about something that happened recently when I was on the phone with my girlfriend, and I need some advice if that's okay.

I'd like to also give a wanring about inappropriate content and some kinky stuff which are embarrassing.

Some backstory - Me and my girlfriend are both 19. For the past month or two I started getting worried of having gone too far when I'd visit her and we had sex, so I started asking her "did I go too far", "did you want this", "were you fine with it", did I do anything wrong" etc after most sexual things we do, and each time she'd say I didn't and that it was fine, but I still kept overthinking that I'd committed a crime and had trust issues that she was brushing it under the rug or something. It got to the point where she got tired of reassuring me and saying the same thing all the time, and she got quite upset at me a few weeks ago because I kept asking it, so I apologised a lot and ended up promising to only ever ask once and, if she says I didn't do anything bad, to drop it and not bring it up again. However, the past few days I've started do it over the phone when I get turned on and say something sexual and she doesn't reciprocate. I get worried of having made her uncomfortable and therefore it being sexual harrassment.

Most recently, earlier today we were talking on the phone as normal when she started talking about something she ate and how she felt bloated. It's kind of embarrassing but I have a kink to do with that - I don't want to say out of embarrassment but I ended up getting kind of "excited". So I asked her about what she'd said about the thing she ate and she said she felt gassy, which kind of turned me on and I said "mmm". She then said "oh", or "no" or something like that, either way she wasn't too fond of what I said and I stopped it there.

I'm pretty sure she knows I have the kink because it's happened before when she's spoken about it, but most of the time she shuts me down and says something like "oh, no" or "ew", and then I stop. One time she even said she was uncomfortable and I stopped after that. But this is the issue, that I shouldn't have done it again because she's not liked it before, and now that I did it again I feel like I've committed a crime like sexual harrassment. I'm very anxious. There was one time a few weeks back when she did tell me about it in person when we layed together and didn't shut it down, (I'm pretty sure it was after the time on the phone when she said she was uncomfortable) and I've asked her she doesn't have to talk about it if she's uncomfortable but she was fine with it.

However, she normally doesn't over the phone and I feel like I should've known better since all these times before she's not been too fond of it, so I'm anxious because I feel like me knowing she hasn't liked it in the past but still asking and saying "mmm" after she told me about it, could've made her uncomfortable and therefore be a crime like sexual harrassment? 

I asked her shortly after if anything I said was bad or something like that, and she got annoyed and ended the call. She said I keep doing it and it's annoying (I think she's talking about the checking if I did anything bad because she said I do it every time we call and I've been doing it for the past few days), so I think she's more annoyed about me asking if I did anything bad rather than the "mmm" earlier, but I'm still anxious. Have I committed a crime? Sorry if this seems stupid, I'm really overthinking.

[basil67]

I can't speak for the laws in your country, but I doubt that 'sexually harassing' your partner is considered a crime.  However it could give her the icks and she may dump you.   With worrying about consent, you should ask how she feels about the act BEFORE you do it.  Asking after you do it is too late, plus it would be really annoying.   

Are you seeing a therapist and a medical doctor?  Because if this OCD behaviour around sex continues, it's going to drive girlfriends away.    Have you been working on keeping these intrusive thoughts in your head?

[Gebidozo]

No, you haven’t committed a crime, and yes, you’re overthinking.

I understand your worry about making your partner sexually uncomfortable, I also worry about that. But you shouldn’t be worrying about it after the act. If she was uncomfortable, she’ll tell you. You should make sure that she is comfortable and fully agrees to something before you start that something, and stop if she tells you to. Constantly asking questions about it afterwards would just annoy her.