Shana555 Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 I'm so confused. I've been with my man for 4 years. I've been spending nights over my bfs house almost everyday. I wish I lived with him, but he doesn't act ready for that step. I have been bringing up the subject ocasionally that I am ready to settle down with him. Now that he has his own house, he doesn't ever want to do anything. I can't even remember the last time we went out. He just calls me after work, asks if I'm coming over for the night, I go, and end up so bored I have a few drinks and go to bed. He's making me feel like mud. I don't even know why we are together anymore. He doesn't always say good bye before he leaves for work in the morning. I figured it was because he didn't want to wake me up. But early today I have an appointment. This morning his alarm went off, I got up, hit snooze for him, and jumped into the shower. When I got out of the shower he had already left for work. That really upset me. A kiss goodbye would have made my day, but him not even coming in to say goodbye or even saying a word to me really makes me mad. I know he doesn't like it when i drink and then pass out. I don't get drunk, it's just a couple glasses of wine which relaxes me and I get sleepy. The wine and our woohoos in bed are the only fun I seem to have anymore. I feel like I'm just his bed buddy. He only wants me around to keep him company when he is bored and wants sex. Well he never said that, but it's how me makes me feel. I miss the fun couple we used to be. In his life, he has everything he wanted. Great job, his toys, his own house.. I hoped making me his wife was on his list, but I'm feel like starting a life together is the last thing he wants. Bed buddies for life? I'm sorry that this post jumps all over the place. So many thoughts running though my head and not enough time to gather and organize them into words. What do you guys think?
lilmoma1973 Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Since you are wanting this and have stated this i doubt he will give you what you want..Basically he is having his cake and eating it too.. Ask him where does he see this relationship going? Tell him that you are ready to go to the next level and if he isn't you need to move on.. Maybe just maybe he will decide to move you in ,He might have a commitment problem and doesn't do well commiting .. Good luck hope it works out.
helena abadi Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 no, your post doesn't jump all over the place. you have explained everything clearly. it certainly sounds as though your relationship now has a narrow focus. and you are not the fun couple you used to be. if you cannot inject some fun activities back into your relationship, then maybe it's time to move on. or at least, back off a bit. allow some empty space as an opportunity to review the whole thing. give him time to miss you. if he doesn't, then you know he's not interested in a future with you. you said it yourself - you feel like his bed buddy and not much else. that will not sustain either of you in the long term. do you see future potential? does he?
ReluctantRomeo Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 I agree with the advice given so far. I'd start with the mildest step - back off a bit, don't be so available, do your own thing roughly half the time. This will give him a chance to miss you. I'd then bring up - in a calm and friendly way - the fact that you're dissatisfied with the way this relationship works. He will probably try to accommodate you. But if he doesn't, it's time for more drastic measures.
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