Tony79 Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 MY girlfriend and I have beening dating not to long, 8 months, but we had something terriffic, atleast I thought so, the past 4 months we have gotten really serious, telling each other I love you, we talked about our future and marraige before, but in the past month and a half it got more serious. She would totally convince me she loves me. She would bite my face, tell me she cant take it (meaning that she likes me so bad), call m to tell me she misses me, loves me, etc. Everything you would expect when someone loves you unconditionally. Everything was great, holidays went well, tehn last Sunday she comes over to my house to tell me something, I had a gut feeling and just knew. She goes onto to tell me that she loves me but at times she doesnt have that gut feeling, and she would hate if we got engaged and she had to break it off. I was completlly blind sided by this, never saw it coming. The day before she was loving and missing me. But that night she ran into her ex boyfriend. He is 10 years older than her, she said she did not do anything and I truly beleve her, she said she felt guilty that she had some feelings still there for him. I can understand that when she hasnt seen him since they broke up, last february. Then she goes on to tell me that she loves me but at times does not have that "gut" feelings. I think her ex kinda scared her to know that she had feelings for him, rightfully so, and if we are talking about marriage that she should have unconditional love for me. So I see her side. She claims that the past two months or so she kept convinver herself that I am that perfect guy, the things I do is so perfect and nice, this is the guy she wants to marry, but then at times she doesnt have the gut feeling. She said she tried convincing her self to feel stronger for me, but now it was just to much and she had to break up with me. I asked her if she needed time, she told me yes, but doesnt want me to wait becuase if I give her that time and she realizes that she does not love me then she will feel worse. This is tremendouslly hard for me, becuase I thought I had a perfect relationship, it was going so perfect, I never once suspected a thing. I really got hit by a truck her. We spent every day together for the past 5 months, and I mean every day. We could not stay away from each other. I DO NOT see how someone can try to convince thereselve that they love me (she says she does love me, doesnt know if she has that 100% gut feeling). Her actions that she did to me, I can not see how someone can fake those, there just to natrual and she did it up to the day before. She claims to me if she met me in a year things would be different. I guess I am not sure if she is just telling me a whole bunch of excuses. Bottom line, is I know I should go with no contact with her. I just need some advice, I can not sleep at night, I cry all day. I dont know how someone so sincere, so good, can act fake. Sometimes I think she is just getting cold feet about if I am really the guy for her future and she needs some time to realize it before she can be 100% sure. She is 22, I am 26. I know she is young, but at the same time she convinced me in the begining that she is mature for her age, that thyis is what she wants. What should I do. I feel like I do not have any closure on this, besides her telling me that she doesnt know if she haves that gut feeling. Should I go with no contact? Do you think she will come back and needs time to put everything in perspective, ecspecially since we spent every day with each other? I just need some advice, This was a total shocker, I almost wish she cheated on me or something else. Its hard to get over something that you did not even sense coming and one night you have this loving, caring, best women in the world, and in 24 hours she tells you something 100% opposite. Please help me. I am hurting way to much to be fair. Anthony
riobikini Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Dear Anthony, I am sorry you are feeling all those painful and confusing emotions right now. I know how how devastating they can be. Here's a hug: I have provided a link below to another post in this forum which I think may be helpful to you, -take time to read and absorb it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t79049/?highlight=transitional+BF In addition to the link, you will want to use the search feature by typing in key words to seek out topics which relate to your subject. This sounds like 'homework' but I think you could use the input of people who've already been where you are to begin understanding what has just happened to you and deal with the present state of your emotions as well as the ones oncoming. Stay with us. And keep posting. -Rio
Author Tony79 Posted January 11, 2006 Author Posted January 11, 2006 Thanks Rio, I am just trying for answers. I will, I appreciate your reply.
UT_longhorn Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 We spent every day together for the past 5 months, and I mean every day. We could not stay away from each other. hey man....i was the same way. it was great..so i thought. but that is just way too much time together. think back carefully and remember if it was you asking to spend all the time together or if it was mutual. she may have felt that you were no challenge and a pushover cause you would do "anything" for her. what ever she asked. i was the same way. i felt blindsided, but in looking back..i see more clearly. take a step back. go NC...and see what happens. she'll start getting curious. good luck man.
csfong007 Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Time to let go and move on. I know...easier said than done. But, I really think you should get on with your life. If she ever comes back to you, then you can decide if you want her back or not. In the mean time, get out, meet other people, and have fun. Also, I think your relationship moved way too fast.
CaliGuy Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Time to let go and move on. I know...easier said than done. But, I really think you should get on with your life. If she ever comes back to you, then you can decide if you want her back or not. In the mean time, get out, meet other people, and have fun. Also, I think your relationship moved way too fast. Agreed. She's young and confused. The best thing is NC. Let her miss you and see what life is like without you. It will help clear her head faster. The bottom line is never, ever under any circumstances cry, beg, plead or do anything to try and manipulate her back to you. The only thing that will do is push her further away. She's definitely confused and you can help clear her head better by letting her roam free. If she comes back to you, great. (If that is what you want). If not then at least you know. Imagine if you got married and then the ex came into the picture how hard that could be. Sometimes this can be a good thing. It's a good chance for you to do some self-reflection, rebuild your confidence and self-esteem and basically get some distance from her. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Believe it.
Author Tony79 Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 thanks, I appreciate all the kind words. The worse part is she lives 2 blocks away from me, so I am bound to just run into her. You are right that maybe we moved to fast, but I never forced her into anything. She wanted to see me just as much. Yes I want her back, but I want her to come back if SHE really wants to come back. I would be selfish to say I would want her back tonight, cuase tomorrow I would start wondering if she really loves me. In the big picture, this should be good. I will find out if she truly loves me or not. If she does she will come back, if not, then I know to move on. Just very tough right now, when on Saturday night I would of bet anything I own, my soul, or whatever that if some asked if I would be with her in a week, I would take that bet. She just convinced me to well, I never saw this coming, which makes it difficult. She said to many things, said it to sincere and beleivable for me to think there not true. Hopefully she will find out what she needs and make a decision. Personally it just sucks, that I can not sleep, do not want to do anything. Just want to cry, and I think it will never get better. I went through a tough break up 4 years ago after a long relationship. Seems like good guys always do end in last!
wreck Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Hi there, I know exactly how you feel, my now ex was telling me how much they loved me how they wanted me there with them just all over me all loved up and softy like, then the day after leaves me just before our 2 year anniversary.....just like that....i think i'm living in shock still and it just doesn't seem real at all nothing seems real.x
Author Tony79 Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 Wreck Man I am the same way. I cant understand how this happened or get over it right now or atleast find some direction to make me feel better. How can someone so good be so fake? I just have this hope that is probably not realistic right now. Most people say when you break up think about the negative qualities the person had to help you move on. This girl was perfect to me, everything. I couldnt ask God for anything more, he gave me to much. Sucks cuase I think no one will ever compare. This is why it is even harder for me to get over this. If there was some down side, something I didnt like it would be easier to go in one direction. But I guess the one thing that I dont like that she did not have is unconditional love for me, which hurts even more becuase I 110% beleived she did.
wreck Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 I think this is probably more of a shock to you, only because we first broke up a few months back but i did everything i could to get her back and won her back, but obviously not for long an d it's still a shock when one minute they are telling you they need you, they love you your perfect etc etc then suddenly BAM they leave you i mean what the F*** is that about? I'm sending you a hug to wherever you are, its not easy, our pain is going to probably get worse before it gets better, and get harder, just when we feel up we'll probably see them and get thrown back under again and again but just remember this is the hardest fall and each time you fall after it it will be easier to get up again. I mean i'm in utter agony i'm just not functioning at all, theres no point in me being at work as i'm not doing anything, i'm sat here refreshing my email hoping she'll message me but then dreading if she does, it's torture, it's horrible but we will lall get through it, we have too.xxxxxxxxxxxx
Author Tony79 Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 wreck your right. I always check my email, carry my phone around to hope she calls. I know it is not right and looks pathetic, but with the shock and lvoe it is so hard. I know times will get better, but this is probably the lowest I every been. I am trying to say active, working out when I cry, not eating junk food to help my depression but rather eat something healthy. I thought I would feel somewhat better but I feel worse everyday. You are right about work, I do nothing there what so ever, everything seems so difficult to get to and go through. I hate this, seems so unfair.
wreck Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 I know it does, and all this stuff however useless it feels right now will make things get better very very slowly, like doing these small things for yourself. Probably for a long time we'll both feel like nothing is helping then very slowly the smallest things will make us feel something again rather than just a numb blank heartache that feels stronger than anything we've ever felt before. I see her in everythin i look at, torture myself with the thoughts of her and other people, worry that she's not ok that i want to help, but i have to keep throwing myself back to the fact that SHE LEFT ME!!!!!!! and it hurts like nothing i could explain...all this is the same for us but one thing that is some what comforting is konwing there are others out ther like us not on our own x
wreck Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Everything has a season, and that season will pass xxxxxxxx (god i hope!!!!)
WindDrifter Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 I am in the same boat sort of. My gf/ex broke up 10 days ago a day before new years when we were at a festival with all her friends. We have been together for 2 1/2 years but I guess it wasn't that sudden. About every 3-4 months she would have these feelings of whether she was ready for this or if this was what she wanted. Well now she decided she needs some space and the last 10 days have been the worst we still chat once or twice a week and meet up once on the weekend. The difficulty is that we really want to be together for the rest of our lives but she isn't reeady and wants some time to be by herself and unattached. At the moment I am giving her what she needs a supportive hand and not contacting her letting her contact me but its hard on me as well. I am meant to wait around for some time from 3 months to 1 year for her to realise if she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I love her so much and like you don't thing I will find another person with her qualities all in one person. She also tells me how much she loves me and misses me and how much this hurts her that she is hurting me. I really do believe she needs to sort things out but I am not going to wait for ever. I just hope she realises I am the one sooner than later. Its even tougher when she hasn't done anything like cheat on me so I can't be angry when she is just being honest about her feelings. WE both have hope in our relationship that we will get through this and be together but it does depend on her actions and what I can live with. It is tough breaking up with your soul mate when she wants you but needs space. I feel for you Tony but like all have said time heals all. You will find another girl who will make you happy. I am also a nice guy and think my ex is 100% perfect but what i think they want is for us to realise they aren't perfect. Its weird i know but I have no realised that my woman isn't perfect but I love all the weird things that aren't perfect about her. Good Luck mate! Cheers, WD
Author Tony79 Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 WD I appreciate all that it does help to know that I am not the only one going through this. It just sucks to have to fall asleep crying, wake up crying. I mean it still doesnt make sense to me one bit, that I beleive is why I am having such a hard time with this. She made it so clear that she wanted to marry me, be with me, spend everyday with me, and then boom its different. It is just tearing my insides apart. One night my heart is weightless, the next moment it is dragging on the floor. Anthony
Author Tony79 Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 OK, now this is killing me. It has been since Suinday night that this has happened, and she has tried to contact me every day, either phone call, text message or email. Today she called me and I did not answer and let it go to voice mail. She sounded very sad, said a few things, nothing leading me on or anything, but told me to call her if I want. I know I should stick with the NC, but at the same time she sounded so sad and that she just got done crying. Why cant she just move on like she claims she needs. I know everyone is going to say for me not to call her, but I can not understand if she broke up with me, she keeps calling me. Does not make sense.
wreck Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 I know your pain doesn't feel like anybody could even imagine but trusts me all of our pain is like that we are all sat here wondering whether there is a point to going on, getting up in teh morning, that horrible feeling when you go to sleep but your begging to be asleep because then you don't have to think about it and can be calm, then you dream about them, then you wake up and have to face another day of it. Another day of that numb ache in your chest that dull heartbroken feeling.but we will all get through it we have too xxxxxxxxxx
wreck Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 OK, now this is killing me. It has been since Suinday night that this has happened, and she has tried to contact me every day, either phone call, text message or email. Today she called me and I did not answer and let it go to voice mail. She sounded very sad, said a few things, nothing leading me on or anything, but told me to call her if I want. I know I should stick with the NC, but at the same time she sounded so sad and that she just got done crying. Why cant she just move on like she claims she needs. I know everyone is going to say for me not to call her, but I can not understand if she broke up with me, she keeps calling me. Does not make sense. The first time we broke up she did that and i kept callinng her and texting her until i just realised that every single time i did it brought me crashing back down again so i stopped it which actually made her come to me and we got bac together. This time though she text me and emailed me a few times over te first couple of days mainly to sort things out she needed toolike money etc or swapping over names on accounts that sort of selfish stuff that could really of waited a while. then i got a few saying are you ok? to which of course i didn't reply. I'm dying to call her to text to email but i just cannot do it, because i know how painful it is hearing they don't love you anymore, also if they are just missing you of course they 'll call and sound sad but they probably dont' want you back. It's the worst thing thinking that my ex is really upset and going through a hard time with this as well even though she left me because all i want to do is be there for her hold her and let her hold me and make it go away, but that is exactly what you cannot do now. No body can stop you calling her back, but unless she wants to get back together it will hurt so much more ipromise you xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Author Tony79 Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 well she called a half an hour ago and i have not called her back. I feel good about it, but I do want to call her, I just dont want to go back to those hard feelings, not yet. I do beleive if she wants to get back together she will make it clear, but until that time who knows. She might be shocked that since she told me this I have not made contact with her. But this is just me looking into this to much. I want to call her so bad, but she needs time to is much as it sucks, but I hope she does come back. She never told me that she was not in love with me, she said there was times when that gut feeling would be missing. But in other words that could be saying I dont love you in that way. Tough it is, I want to cry so much.
wreck Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 trust me so do i, i've done nothing else all day long! and i know if she called i'd be very tempted to answer it, or to call her back or email her back but you know what i'd regret it so much afterwards xxxxxx
lonelyg72 Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 OK,,i'm new to this site,,but what is NC? No Call? I'm in situation where my girlfriend amd I broke upi on Jan 2,,,not fun,,miserable every day, cry every day..can you guys relate?
gfto Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 Tony, sorry to hear about what happened. And, congratulations on not contacting her! Most guys would've caved in by now. Now, it's important that you stick to it!! No calls, no e-mails, no texts. If you run into her, just give a cordial hello and act like you never even dated her. A few observations: (1) she's only 22. At that age, feelings can change as frequently as the wind shifts. 2) You were spending WAY TOO MUCH TIME with her!! You were no challenge for her whatsoever. You're best bet at this point is to get back out on the field and get as many new phone numbers as you can. I know it's difficult, but just do it. I was in your shoes back in March. I never answered any calls or e-mails from her. Got tons of new numbers and found a winner. Couldn't care less about the ex! You'll feel the same way in time. No contact....I repeat....NO CONTACT! :-)
Author Tony79 Posted January 13, 2006 Author Posted January 13, 2006 thanks for the advice. Well she called me again tonight, which I did not answer, which was so, so, so, difficult. I do not undestand she breaks up with me on Sunday, and then now she keeps calling me. I want to so bad answer the phone, call her back, etc. But I know I can not do this right now, she needs to find deep down what she wants and needs as bad as it hurts me. I can not figure out though why she will tell me to move on, know that it kills me to hear her voice and she keeps calling. It does feel good that she still calls, in a way it shows me she does care, even if its a freindship care, I am hoping for more. Either way this just keeps getting tougher. I do not want to play games, I want her back with open arms, and wuld take her tonight (selfish me), but I need her to convince me this is what she wants. I just beleive if she truly is moving on, why call me then, I love that she calls and want to answer, but maybe I just read between the lines way to much. It is going to be another terrific sleep tonight! By the way gfto, I know there are many great girls out there, I do still beleive after everything that happened that this is the one for me, this is the PERFECT one. I might have high hopes, but when I can not find a bad quality in here, that is good for me. I do deeply beleive she is perfect and it would be hard to match up or come close. But my views could possibly change in 6 months or more. I just think she is so perfect!
LN8840K Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 Hey man this may not make you feel better but, you had a relationship with her, made love to her, spent time with her, think about how many guys were thrown into the friend zone and only wish they could experience what you did. answer the phone, smile when you talk, she will be waiting for you to bring up the relationship, don't because she will, when and only if she brings up the relationship tell her that after some thought being friends is the right thing to do and change the subject, then end the phone call and go have fun, don't ignore her calls just keep talking about everything but the relationship, MOST importantly go chase other women, she will either get with the program and start pressing you for a comittment or you will find someone who wants what you want she's playing games man, if she were with her ex I can guarantee she would not be calling you daily trust me on this when someone else is involved they cut contact
Author Tony79 Posted January 13, 2006 Author Posted January 13, 2006 thanks This is why I think she does love me, actually deep down I beleive she does. Personally I do not want to chase any girls right now, do not have that in me. I want to see what happens, but I also do not want to beg for her to come back. With all this contact from her, deep down I think she is realizing she might of made a mistake.
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