blind_otter Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Ahh, but you see, now it's a challenge to ME. And since I ain't changin' for nobody, I'm dying to play this little charade out. No $hit he's trying to change my personality. I know he doesn't want me. f***ing dreaming is what he's doing. I don't really understand your impulse to continue this charade, except to be contrary. There is a certain personality type that can very easily, almost instinctually, read the personalities of women. This certain type of man will seek to control the woman out of a deep-seated insecurity inside themselves, an emotional disconnect. For some women they provide a manly father-figure, for others they present either themselves or the relationship as a challenge, which the feisty woman will try to conquer. Ultimately it will be unfulfilling and frustrating to all parties involved. I'm just sayin. And in your little scenario, the bassist would probably not be satisfied if the vocalist remade herself to be Britney Spears (overweight new mother?? ), he would always find fault with something.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Why would he want you to dress like Brittany Spears ,she dressed so slutty before having her baby and very in appropiate? Either he except you for you or move on .. I am glad you aren't going to change for noone and you shouldn't have to!! Be true to yourself..
Author BlahBlahQueen Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 I don't really understand your impulse to continue this charade, except to be contrary. There is a certain personality type that can very easily, almost instinctually, read the personalities of women. This certain type of man will seek to control the woman out of a deep-seated insecurity inside themselves, an emotional disconnect. For some women they provide a manly father-figure, for others they present either themselves or the relationship as a challenge, which the feisty woman will try to conquer. Ultimately it will be unfulfilling and frustrating to all parties involved. Odd. Tell me more about this type of person... you've got my attention now...
blind_otter Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Odd. Tell me more about this type of person... you've got my attention now... It's a charmer/abuser. Sometimes they abuse physically, sometimes mentally or emotionally, alllllllll unconsciously. I mean, if you confront them they usually say "No, I'm not" (truely incredulous, always apologetic). They are usually charming, and usually have bad breakups. A variety of foundations can create a person who is especially sensitive to the emotional makeup of other people. Sometimes they grew up in alcoholic homes, or dealt with child abuse, but they have this fundamental emotional disconnect - a wide gulf separates what they truely feel from what they allow themselves to perceive that they feel. Do you have a history of addictive relationships? Relationships that you get addicted to, or sex you get addicted to, or people you get addicted to? People often wondered why I was with the ex I dated in 2004, who ended up stalking me and trying to kill one of my friends. He was utterly charming, totally fascinating. He had been in prison 7 years, but he was verbose and had all the great stories and had so much depth. He could have the best conversations, had such an interesting perspective on the world. In retrospect there were red flags that I ignored, because he was so "f***ing amazing and intrigued the hell out of me"....I have a history of dating these kinds of men. It was bizarre, like each man was so different and fascinating, yet there were these basic charactaristics that I ferreted out, after much marinating on the topic. I actually wrote out lists of personality charactaristics using single words or short phrases and color coded the traits with highlighter. Yes, I can be extremely anal. Studious, I call it. Anyways, it was almost surreal when I looked at the lists. Like, the engineering grad student, the Scottish traveller, the ex-convict, the drug dealer, the carpenter, the navy man -- all of them seemed to have certain specifics in common. Beyond being attracted to me. Those relationships usually start out extremely intense, spending days on end together, binging on delicious food, drugs of choice, alcohol as the day is long. It's part of the seduction. I think it may have something to do with self esteem. Like, they feel they have to sweep you off your feet or you won't really like who they are. Because THEY don't really like who they are.
Walk Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Because I feel that as long as I'm aware from day one that this is the way it's gonna be, I at least know to keep my guard up. Now all his demands sound silly to me.Run away!! If you're telling me my guy is such a horribly, evil person.. then you need to run as far, and as fast as you can. This is exactly what caught me. I thought I was smart, I could see through all this.. He was charming, wonderful, etc. I had my guard up 150%, I felt I knew what I was getting into. I thought I had it totally under control. I knew he couldn't get me, because I was smart, tough, and would not be manipulated. I thought I'd seen it all. I'm screwed now. Trust me on this.. if your red flags are up, just get the heck away from him. No good can come of this. You'll find yourself in a burning heap, crumbled on the ground like last weeks dirty underwear. Everything you've said describes my bf to a T so far. (when I met him)
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted January 12, 2006 Posted January 12, 2006 Go ahead and change X,Y, and Z....we will all be here to support you when you start complaining about him wanting you to change A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W and then he will want you to change X,Y,Z back to what they were in the first place.
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