lukkkkadoncic Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 Please help I'm in a new relationship which started fine but I don't find myself enjoying it lately The reason being is my girlfriend constantly whines to me. Everyday she calls me after work and when we don't see each other and it's always somrthig negative about her work or something that happened to her She also seems to have constant physical problems - back pain, stomach pain, skin problem etc where she will always complain to me about and ask me for her help She seems to also as well ask me for my advice or help on things but there always things I have no idea about like she would ask me If a 5 x 5m rug will fit her lounge room. Like why does she ask me that? I don't have a tape measure how can I possibly know that without measuring just questions like that I feel so tired and drained.. She recently went away with her family for a week and we couldn't contact each other much only text and I almost immediately started feeling happier and more energy. I just don't know how to express my need to her I've tried to say things in the past but she is very sensitive Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 (edited) Any needs you express will pretty much involve her needing a personality transplant. Do you recognise that this really isn't going to happen? Fact is, this woman is a whiner who can't figure out how to adult.....so you either accept her for who she is or break up. My vote is to break up. And buy a tape measure - it's an integral part of your junk drawer Edit: is this the woman you wrote about in January? Considering how you felt then, why are you still with her now? Edited March 27 by basil67 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 I would end the relationship. There is really no need to stay with someone who makes you miserably unhappy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lukkkkadoncic Posted March 27 Author Share Posted March 27 19 minutes ago, basil67 said: Any needs you express will pretty much involve her needing a personality transplant. Do you recognise that this really isn't going to happen? Fact is, this woman is a whiner who can't figure out how to adult.....so you either accept her for who she is or break up. My vote is to break up. And buy a tape measure - it's an integral part of your junk drawer Edit: is this the woman you wrote about in January? Considering how you felt then, why are you still with her now? Yes it's the same I guess I just tried to hope things would get better And obviously there are things I like about her as well Can't I try express to her to change before I break up? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 (edited) 49 minutes ago, lukkkkadoncic said: Yes it's the same I guess I just tried to hope things would get better And obviously there are things I like about her as well Can't I try express to her to change before I break up? There's no law which says you can't, but are you up for the complaining she will do if you ask her to stop complaining? Edit to add: dating is about finding someone who is a good match for you. It's not about trying to change someone in order to suit you better. Edited March 27 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 3 hours ago, lukkkkadoncic said: She recently went away with her family for a week and we couldn't contact each other much only text and I almost immediately started feeling happier and more energy. Why would you not recognize this as a clear sign that you need to get out of this relationship? 2 hours ago, lukkkkadoncic said: Can't I try express to her to change before I break up? You can't change a person. That is just about the most basic rule of dating. It makes no sense that you've wasted so much time in this relationship with a person whose personality you simply don't like. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lukkkkadoncic Posted March 28 Author Share Posted March 28 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: Why would you not recognize this as a clear sign that you need to get out of this relationship? You can't change a person. That is just about the most basic rule of dating. It makes no sense that you've wasted so much time in this relationship with a person whose personality you simply don't like. But honestly I feel at the start of the relationship she wasn't like this It's like since she's gotten more comfortable around me I'm Just her go to person for complaining and whining Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 People start out on their best behaviour and slowly relax into being who they really are. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 5 hours ago, lukkkkadoncic said: Can't I try express to her to change before I break up? You can, but don’t get your hopes up. People normally don’t change just because someone else asked them to. 1 hour ago, lukkkkadoncic said: I feel at the start of the relationship she wasn't like this People rarely show their most negative traits early in the relationship. When people get comfortable around their partners you get to see their real selves. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 12 hours ago, lukkkkadoncic said: Can't I try express to her to change before I break up? You can. Why don't you do that and tell us how it goes? Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 She sounds awefully insecure. The constant attention seeking is usually just an expression of insecurity. There are two paths. The short path is to end the relationship (which makes sense as you will be facing a lot more of this). The long road is to hang in there and support her and be the best person you can be do everything in your power to help her build her self esteem (and in the mean time swallow the cries for attention and affection even if they're disguised as insults and accusations). Although there is definite beauty in the long walk, it's up to you whether this is what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 She's too much of a Debbie Downer, the answer is breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 How many times a day and in a week does she do this? How young are you both? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 20 hours ago, lukkkkadoncic said: But honestly I feel at the start of the relationship she wasn't like this Ok, so? People aren't showing you their true selves at the beginning of a relationship. They are on their best behavior and it's not a true indication of how the relationship will be once you get more comfortable with each other. Now she is showing you her real personality. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted March 29 Share Posted March 29 Sounds like a classic situation where a young lady wants to have a therapist more than a boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
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