Kat2006 Posted January 17, 2006 Posted January 17, 2006 I am glad to hear that you are continuing to reach out to family members. You did not say, do you have children? Do you have means to contact your husband in case of a emergency? Your friend is right in a general sense, you did lose a part of him when he began his A with OW. I am not sure if I understand the lyrics, did he send this to you, and or the OW? Hugs,
Presario Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Smallwoodpecker, Do you want to wait for him, fight for him, or divorce him? Now you seem a bit lost, which is understandable. You will feel more secure when you know the facts and based on them plan your actions. What is your plan now?
crazy_grl Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 swp, I don't really have anything in the way of advice for you as I've never been married. But from what I can see, you are way too good for him. He doesn't seem to be behaving much like a mature man who should be in a committed relationship. Judging by both his behavior and yours, you're going to do SO much better without him once you're over the initial hurt/shock. Your H doesn't sound like he's even in your league.
Author smallwoodpecker Posted January 18, 2006 Author Posted January 18, 2006 My plan,,,,? Do not know... what should I do? I do not know what I want to do. I do not feel like doing anything now....
cedric4691 Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 I understand exactly how you feel, except in my case i falsely suspected my W of cheating on me. my suspicion ruined our marriage. just try to keep going, i guess
Author smallwoodpecker Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 He came home again today to change his clothes. eveytime I see him, I am like... I cannot help it. I do not know what to do. He was mad because I told his uncle and aunt about his OW. He is irritated becuase everyone is crying. I told him that i rather not to see him any more if he just comes home to change clothes for a minute. He said " i have no place to go" So he is going to his work place at 10 PM. He gets mad because I tried to kick him out. I told him to go to his uncle and aunt, but he cannot. He said wants to be alone. He just wants me to let him go like this. I am crying agiain. And he gets mad. He gets irritated and said that I do not understand him. He needs space.. I know., but it is easier if he is not coming home at all then.. ... I took my ring off, and he is mad. I do not know. Do I have to wait? Why? Do I have to wait for his guy to get over this. He said it is going to take months. Do I have to be like this for months?
Kat2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Have you checked out the marriagebuilders.com site? Do you have to wait months? No. That is your decision. You can file for a legal separation and or divorce anytime you want. His admission of an affair are grounds for. He’s making choices right now, but you also have the right to make your own choices. You have the right to tell him what you want and are willing to put up with. Is he not doing this to you? Have you tried to talk to him about marriage counseling? I understand your not wanting him to come and go like he is. It is just a reminder to you everytime he does. K but on the plus side, the fact that he is still returning suggest that he is not living with OW--yet-- and that means he may as yet still be undecided as to what he really wants. It is certainly not fair for him to leave you up in the air wondering what is what, either. Gonna sound cruel but have you considered changing the locks? He’s not going to like it–but it will let him know you are serious–he has to decide. And or is there some where you can go and stay for a few days–family, or a friend. If you go with this one, be warned he may decide to change the locks while you are gone too. But sometimes you do have to shake things up to get them to notice that you are serious, hon. A word of caution, but first a question, has he ever been violent with you, hon? If he has, please be careful in “shaking things” up, K. Just my opinion, but I really do think this guy is confused right now, and it is your decision whether you want to wait for him to sort himself out or not. What is your gut instinct right now? Do you think/ wonder if he is still involved with other woman? Do you want to know? Do you have a friend that can follow him to find out for you if they are meeting? Go to marriagebuilders.com, the first thing they are going to advise you is to secure evidence if you can that he is still involved in the affair. I get a sense that you are swaying, wondering if this guy is worth it. & that’s good, and that’s okay. Hugs,
Author smallwoodpecker Posted January 22, 2006 Author Posted January 22, 2006 He left with the suitcase, I asked him to give me his friend's phone # in case of emergency. but he said he does not want to give me. He may be staying with OW. I do not know. For the first time yesterday I spoke with him on the phone since he left home last week. He said he would like to talk with me once he return from his business trip which will be next week. I asked him if he misses me, he said he does not know. It came to the point where I start thinking of destroying his life just like he did to me. I start thinking I shold tell his co-workers, his family about what he has done to me. I told him that I am scared because I feel like I have to revenge. He said "please do not do that, please do not hate me..." I am so confused. Why do I feel like I want to punish him? Because he left me??? because he wanted to be by his self??? I feel like I am getting crazier.. and I know the reason he left is because he did not want to see me go crazy. so emotional, and cry. I have no kids. I asked him to file the "legal Separation"... he does not think it will be a good idea as i just recently recieved Green card....
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 SmallWoodPecker, I feel awful for you. Please, if you still love him, do allow yourself to forgive him. If you still love him and want this marriage to continue, do not cry any more. Arrange for a marriage counseling. Try to talk and tell him what it is that you want. Then try to listen to what it is that he wants. Do not cry. It doesn't accomplish anything good. From your posts, it doesn't appear to me that he has chosen the OW yet. It seems that he is confused. To be sure, he must have had feelings for the OW, otherwise he wouldn't be connected to her in that way. But I think he wants to work it out with you, so let him. Give him the space and let him think it through. You don't have to "wait". You have to pull yourself together, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and try to think for your future. How are you going to live? Where are you going to live? I think your husband does have your best interest at heart. You need to believe that, and allow yourself to calm down. I have never been in your situation. But I feel very much for you. It seems to me that you are PUSHING HIM AWAY. If you love him, you have to give him the space and let him decide for himself. Don't let him see you cry any more, it doesn't do any good. I am a woman, and I can't even stand seeing anyone cry, let alone a man seeing his wife cry.
Author smallwoodpecker Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 There is nothing I could do to stop him... ha... He left apt. He moved out. He took all his belongings and left me. He had an affair and left me. My husband left me. When will this end? I have been crying every single day from the first day I found out he had an affair. I have forgiven him and tried to restore our marriage. but now he is not here any more. He needs the space. he took his ring off. What does that mean? I know... i need to find someone else. I need to find someone else who will love me forever, Who will be with me and who will never cheat on me. I should not chase him any more. I should not contact him any more. otherwise i will start crying again. I start wanting him again. He still loves his OW... he said.. ... sad.
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I'm sorry for your pain...And that he broke your heart. Don't be alone right now, call a friend, go see family. Surround yourself with loving people to help you through this. One thing to just think about is, contacting a lawyer. His actions sadly have said it's over and he's staying with that OW. You can't chase him, if you do, it will just push him further into her arms...Gotta do no contact for your own sanity...And if you need to go talk to a therapist to help you cope, or be put on antidepressents, DO just that. Just don't isolate yourself right now.
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