He probably doesn't want to remarry - feel torn.

[BuffySummers]

My partner has lived in the UK for the last 8 years. He studied here for his dream career and last year he found his dream position. Throughout, he has always said he wants to buy a summer home in Denmark (his home country). He often described living in UK and spending the summer there, which was fine with me.

When he took his dream job, he had to move 3 hours away. We manage to see each other twice a month usually, for a few nights each time. We're very much in love and he tells me this is the happiest relationship of his life. He spends holidays and events with my family who adore him. But after a year of long distance, I am feeling the pain of separation more and more. So I said we should come up with a plan, talking marriage, kids etc. He said he'd seriously consider moving to be closer to me again if a good position comes up in the next year or two. 

But then two weeks later he approaches me upset. He says he has thought long and hard, and that he has decided he definitely wants to return to Denmark to raise kids there. Asked whether I would consider going with him to raise a family there. For the record, my family, friends, job, and hobbies are here. It's taken me 5 years since Covid years to build up a nice live for myself. And of course he's a big part of that. But at 33, I'm no spring chicken, and I know how hard it is now to build a community for yourself.

Am I wrong to think that if he truly loved me, this would be a conversation about an end location that works for both of us, rather than a 'this is what I'm doing, come or don't' mentality?

In theory I am open minded about a move. But of course my life is here so I have concerns. Being an only child ageing parts is just one.

[Lisa]

@BuffySummers and @Insignificantdetails are the same member

[ExpatInItaly]

Wait, so this is the same guy who's uncertain about marriage in general?

OP, I think you already know what you need to do here.

[Lauriebell82]

I will share my story on this topic. 
my boyfriend and I have been together 7.5 years. We have both been divorced around 8 years but his divorce was worse as he fought his ex wife in court battles and spent lots of money. Mine was all out of court but my ex husband is very narcissistic and controlling-not as easy partner.
When my bf and I met we both immediately found what we had been looking for all our lives in a partner. Like your bf, mine never talked negatively about marriage but when it came time to discuss our relationship’s future (around 18 months in) it came to light that he didnt know if he wanted to remarry. I was devastated as I had always wanted to get remarried from the moment my divorce was final. This effected our amazing relationship in a negative way but thankfully were able to work through it. Over time I accepted the relationship as it is but also that I adapted back to being a single person and came to really enjoy my life with my boyfriend in a committed relationship without the idea of marriage. Its important to note we both have 2 children (his are adults, mine teens) so neither of us are going to have more. 

We also don't live together, both owning our own houses 45 mins apart but we are leaving the door open for that at some point in time (probably when my kids are in college and his son is out of college as ge commutes and still lives at home). That way our kids are affected. Mainly I would say you have to do what you feel is right for you. Could you have kids without being legally married? Could living with someone be okay vs a legal replacement for marriage? There is no right/wrong answer. What is right for one person isn't right for another. Good luck!