Can you be unable to reject sex offers?

March 22

Long story short, we’ve been virtually dating for a good month due to long distance - but without committing. Possability is there, but we have to wait until late summer when we can meet on a more permanent basis. We constantly kept declaring exclusivity until we meet, but recently she admitted she had sex with someone, shortly after lying that they didnt have sex. She claims that she cant control herself and will therefore most likely do it again, even tho she also claims she wish she could control herself - which (the last part) i genuinly do believe after all. I just can’t get myself to believe she’s 100% honest when she claims it’s physically impossible for her to reject offers, which i’ve kept telling her. But to keep this short and to the point, i’ll spare for alot of details.

My question is: does such thing as being unable to reject offers exist if you really want to? Or is it more like a matter of her coming up with invalid excuses for selfish reasons?

March 22

She's not cut out for long distance relationships. Many of us aren't.

Just break up and move on

March 22

Can you be unwilling to accept sex offers - I think you know the answer to that question. Of course people say not to sex. Married people don’t have sex with other people out of respect for their partner - they are not out having sex with anyone who shows interest…

Why do you want to date a woman that you know is having sex with other man before you have even met? I mean, she is being honest with you when she tells you that she will have sex with other men… why do you not take her for her word and take a hard pass. This woman is not interested in dating anyone exclusively -

Edited March 22 by BaileyB

March 22

You both said you’re only exclusive when you meet and you haven’t met yet. She hasn’t done anything wrong. The more disturbing thing is why either of you are talking about having sex with other people when you haven’t even met yet. It’s TMI and really unnecessary. I suspect you’re emotionally involved with each other and the online texts and convos have led you both to feel a false sense of intimacy. This is just a huge no.

I suggest you both dial back your daily convos and resist calling this “dating”. Keep it light and flirty if you both can’t commit to one another until you meet in late summer. You should be meeting other people and resist TMI conversations that don’t respect each others privacy and autonomy while you’re not committed.

March 22

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

Can you be unwilling to accept sex offers - I think you know the answer to that question. Of course people say not to sex. Married people don’t have sex with other people out of respect for their partner - they are not out having sex with anyone who shows interest…

Why do you want to date a woman that you know is having sex with other man before you have even met? I mean, she is being honest with you when she tells you that she will have sex with other men… why do you not take her for her word and take a hard pass. This woman is not interested in dating anyone exclusively -

I’m also having my doubts. But to add some context, she also explained the problem is distance. She said if we we had eachother physically, her needs would be satisfied. And on the surface i get that. But personally i just dont think it holds water in the end due to me having the opinion that you will never be unable to refuse sex offers. My problem is that i dont know if its just me or not, hence why im asking out if other people think you can be unable to refuse sex offers or not. Because she seems completely convinced its a thing

March 22

9 minutes ago, glows said:

You both said you’re only exclusive when you meet and you haven’t met yet. She hasn’t done anything wrong. The more disturbing thing is why either of you are talking about having sex with other people when you haven’t even met yet. It’s TMI and really unnecessary. I suspect you’re emotionally involved with each other and the online texts and convos have led you both to feel a false sense of intimacy. This is just a huge no.

I suggest you both dial back your daily convos and resist calling this “dating”. Keep it light and flirty if you both can’t commit to one another until you meet in late summer. You should be meeting other people and resist TMI conversations that don’t respect each others privacy and autonomy while you’re not committed.

This is just me personally, but i feel like you over react a bit, even tho i appreciate your pov. I wouldnt call anything disturbing. We didnt say we’re exclusive from when we meet. We kept telling eachother we dont need anyone else as we spoke, hinting towards us being exclusive from the start. I might have worded it bad tho, so apologies if thats the case. Also, i didnt add this but we’re calling every day and enabled sharing location on snapchat exclusively to eachother. So its not just a case of us having had a few texts and thats it.

March 22

1 hour ago, Cheekycheekster8 said:

This is just me personally, but i feel like you over react a bit, even tho i appreciate your pov. I wouldnt call anything disturbing. We didnt say we’re exclusive from when we meet. We kept telling eachother we dont need anyone else as we spoke, hinting towards us being exclusive from the start. I might have worded it bad tho, so apologies if thats the case. Also, i didnt add this but we’re calling every day and enabled sharing location on snapchat exclusively to eachother. So its not just a case of us having had a few texts and thats it.

That’s my point. You’re acting like you’re both in an exclusive relationship when you’re not. It’s not overreacting to have boundaries. Giving each other access to your whereabouts opens up a whole can of worms. Does that mean that you can both see where the other person is located at all times via sc? She doesn’t have to tell you about who she’s sleeping with but unfortunately she did.

Her logic or not being able to resist sex doesn’t sound real to you and you distrust her. It’s too much too soon. You’re both trying to act like you’re in an exclusive relationship with access to each other when in reality you really do not. You don’t live close by to one another and she’s more or less saying this situation right now doesn’t suit her needs or isn’t fulfilling. That’s why I suggested you both dial it back. Sharing locations just doesn’t seem necessary at this early stage(if ever).

March 22

2 hours ago, Cheekycheekster8 said:

Also, i didnt add this but we’re calling every day and enabled sharing location on snapchat exclusively to eachother. So its not just a case of us having had a few texts and thats it.

You haven’t actually met the woman, correct? If that is the case, you have put the cart before the horse. You are not exclusively dating - you don’t even know if this woman is someone that you want to date because you have yet to buy her a coffee in person.

Until you meet and spend time together in person, all this talk of dating and exclusivity is premature.

March 22

59 minutes ago, glows said:

That’s my point. You’re acting like you’re both in an exclusive relationship when you’re not. It’s not overreacting to have boundaries. Giving each other access to your whereabouts opens up a whole can of worms. Does that mean that you can both see where the other person is located at all times via sc? She doesn’t have to tell you about who she’s sleeping with but unfortunately she did.

Her logic or not being able to resist sex doesn’t sound real to you and you distrust her. It’s too much too soon. You’re both trying to act like you’re in an exclusive relationship with access to each other when in reality you really do not. You don’t live close by to one another and she’s more or less saying this situation right now doesn’t suit her needs or isn’t fulfilling. That’s why I suggested you both dial it back. Sharing locations just doesn’t seem necessary at this early stage(if ever).

I guess what’s going on is that we met half a year too soon without knowing, and now we both caught feelings for eachother in the meantime of figuring out the time is so late + other unseen factors from the side. Its too late to track back when the feelings are already there. What we did do however was to try and damage control the draining of our thing by not making an actual relationship out of it so soon. In fairness, i was the one who insisted to not going all in before meeting. She was the one who tried to make us exclusive by keep telling me she doesnt need anyone else through the waiting process. And so when she suddenly tells me she had sex with someone - after lying about it, and telling me its probably gonna happen again - it makes me question her, yes. She was also the one who started the location sharing on sc.

I get what you’re saying from everything tho, and i do take it in. But i really think i did everything i could to make everything work the best, and i dont think its fair to question how i feel after all this. But again, thats beside the point, and its so complex i wont be able to list everything and, so its not possible to solve the whole thing. Im more focusing on whether her argument alone holds water.

Anyway, now we stand where we stand, and the feelings are what they are. What it all comes down to for me is that she DOES want to stay exclusive herself. And so how i see it (or at least feel it), it all comes down to whether being unable to refuse offers is an actual thing. Because if it’s not, it might happen again once im deep in stuff years ahead potentially which im not ready for with the current signs she already gave. Im not talking about opinions regarding it, its more physically. Can you be physically unable to reject sex offers?

Edited March 22 by Cheekycheekster8

March 22

25 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

You haven’t actually met the woman, correct? If that is the case, you have put the cart before the horse. You are not exclusively dating - you don’t even know if this woman is someone that you want to date because you have yet to buy her a coffee in person.

Until you meet and spend time together in person, all this talk of dating and exclusivity is premature.

Look, i see your point. But feelings are feelings, and no matter how premature they might be, they exist both ways. Thats a force you cant mess with, and it’s not the answer to the question im interested in having answered.

Regarding dating, thats something you do >before< and in order to figure out the next steps. That’s why im putting it as “we’re dating”, because we can’t get past that step before meeting. But obviously its not like either of us can act dead careless when we already went through what we did, hence why its complicated.

Anyway, to keep it simple and on track: can you be physically be unable to reject sex offers, if you DO claim that you want to reject them?

March 22

1 hour ago, Cheekycheekster8 said:

Can you be physically unable to reject sex offers?

Of course not. This a load of equine manure.

She has sex because she wants to. Plain and simple. Please don't make the mistake of losing all common sense just so you can hang on to this person. You know better than that.

Edited March 22 by ExpatInItaly

March 22

6 hours ago, Cheekycheekster8 said:

My question is: does such thing as being unable to reject offers exist if you really want to?

Of course not.

Unless you deny the existence of free will and adhere to purely deterministic philosophy. Which is a very weak philosophical doctrine.

6 hours ago, Cheekycheekster8 said:

Or is it more like a matter of her coming up with invalid excuses for selfish reasons?

Yup.

The moment someone applies the phrase “I just couldn’t control myself” to sex, that someone is lying.

March 22

Oh puh-lease! She's unable to say no to sex? So if Pennywise hit on her she'd be up for it? Let's hope the local football team don't hear about that while you're hanging in the background hoping for an exclusive relationship. Never mind about the long-distance, you need to consider your different values, (you do have different values, if you didn't you wouldn't be here asking the question ). She's perfectly entitled to sleep with whomever she wants as a single woman, and maybe she wouldn't have told you about it if you didn't ask, but being as you did and she made her big revelation, you need to think hard about whether you could cope with a relationship with a promiscuous partner. She says it's the distance, but it's not. Being unable to say no to sex shows a lack of self-regulation, and that's a very worrying personality trait in a partner. Today it's the distance, in the future it would be some other reason. I can just hear her ten years from now when you're married to her...."I'm sorry CheekyCheekster8, I was dropping the kids off at the school gate and the lollipop man said he was hot for me so we had sex on the zebra crossing behind his 'Stop' sign. I just couldn't say no".

Long-distance relationships change the playing field significantly, especially if you've never met, but if she was really into you she wouldn't be out shopping around for a bit of stray. Heed that.

March 22

You have created a pretty impressive romantic story about a woman who you have never met who is having sex with other men.

March 22

46 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

You have created a pretty impressive romantic story about a woman who you have never met who is having sex with other men.

I wish i put a big disclaimer to stick to the question i asked because this thread turned into people telling me how i feel, and not about the question i needed answered.

March 22

Just now, Cheekycheekster8 said:

I wish i put a big disclaimer to stick to the question i asked because this thread turned into people telling me how i feel, and not about the question i needed answered.

I answered your question above - people obviously have the ability to decide whether to be faithful or unfaithful to their partner.

You don’t appreciate the other comments because they don’t support the narrative that you want to hear. That’s fine, it’s entirely your decision to continue with the thought that this is your true love and that she will stop sleeping with other men once you meet and commit to a relationship. I hope it works out for you that way…

March 22

3 minutes ago, Cheekycheekster8 said:

I wish i put a big disclaimer to stick to the question i asked because this thread turned into people telling me how i feel, and not about the question i needed answered.

Not entirely true.

Some of us have answered your question, myself included.

March 22

6 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I answered your question above - people obviously have the ability to decide whether to be faithful or unfaithful to their partner.

You don’t appreciate the other comments because they don’t support the narrative that you want to hear. That’s fine, it’s entirely your decision to continue with the thought that this is your true love and that she will stop sleeping with other men once you meet and commit to a relationship. I hope it works out for you that way…

I dont appreciate comments like that because they’re not friendly cunstructive. They are said with a tone that is trying to make it sound like im a child, and they are strongly opinionated towards something im not even asking to debate. You’re free to touch on them if you find them relevant to the question i asked. But not everything is directly relevant to what i’m asking, and there is no reason to make it sound like you’re bashing me for my choices. Instead of offensively saying stuff like “You have created a pretty impressive romantic story…” and “…all this talk of dating and exclusivity is premature”, you can say “I think you went in too deep too soon”. I already feel like s***, so tone it down. Its not like i dont know i gave too much of myself, but feelings happened and now i’m just trying to understand whether she takes it serious or not.

You did answer my question in the end, yes. That’s all i needed. So let’s leave it answered and stop the debate between us.

March 22

33 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Not entirely true.

Some of us have answered your question, myself included.

I didn’t include everyone

March 22

5 minutes ago, Cheekycheekster8 said:

I didn’t include everyone

And what do you thinkof our replies? (ie. that she's full of crap with this excuse)

March 22

7 minutes ago, Cheekycheekster8 said:

Instead of offensively saying stuff like “You have created a pretty impressive romantic story…” and “…all this talk of dating and exclusivity is premature”, you can say “I think you went in too deep too soon”

It's a public message board, man.

You can't (and should't expect) to control how people respond and the wording they use. Skip the posts you don't find helpful rather than trying to tell people how to word themselves.

March 22

Who cares?

Let's say someone says they cannot resist punching someone who stands within two feet of where they are standing. You gonna take that seriously? Ponder it?

This person has serious problems and one problem may be with sticking with the truth. Period. Move on.

And btw: you really believe that if three smelly guys who just climbed out of sewers approached her, that she couldn't say no. Really?

March 22

50 minutes ago, Cheekycheekster8 said:

I already feel like s***, so tone it down. Its not like i dont know i gave too much of myself, but feelings happened and now i’m just trying to understand whether she takes it serious or not.

In other words, you understand that what we’re saying is right, but you’re annoyed that we’re saying it directly.

Your question has been answered. She doesn’t take it seriously. She is a cheater and she isn’t ready to be in a serious relationship with you.

March 22

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And what do you thinkof our replies? (ie. that she's full of crap with this excuse)

I think it answers the question i asked

March 22

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It's a public message board, man.

You can't (and should't expect) to control how people respond and the wording they use. Skip the posts you don't find helpful rather than trying to tell people how to word themselves.

I do and i have everyright to expect people to reply respecfully. I dont tell you what you think - i just ask you to be polite when you do

Sign In

Can you be unable to reject sex offers?

Recommended Posts

Cheekycheekster8

basil67

BaileyB

glows

Cheekycheekster8

Cheekycheekster8

glows

BaileyB

Cheekycheekster8

Cheekycheekster8

ExpatInItaly

Gebidozo

MsJayne

BaileyB

Cheekycheekster8

BaileyB

ExpatInItaly

Cheekycheekster8

Cheekycheekster8

ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

Lotsgoingon

Gebidozo

Cheekycheekster8

Cheekycheekster8

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...