Goodpal Posted March 21 Posted March 21 I've been in a relationship for 5 years and I believe it is now time to end things... for good. We met when I was in the process of getting a divorce from my wife of 2 decades. It was a whirl wind romance, fun, exciting, high chemistry, etc. However, I knew from day one she was not the type I'd want to settle down with. Looking back, my head was a mess and I really had no business being out in the dating world. I broke up with her several times, at least one time for each year we were together but I always found myself going back to her. I could never fully go no contact and she was always very persistent in contacting me when we were not together. So here we are again and I'm preparing for my exit. We do not live together so it really shouldn't be as hard as I'm making it sound. The problems for me revolve around shared values and lifestyle. When we got together I was in such a haze I looked past things that I didn't like because of the excitement. Now things have settled down quite a bit and I feel like I'm returning to my old self again. There are things I want out of life that I just won't get if I stay with her. Without going into details I just want a healthy and active life which she would be unable to provide as a partner. I also don't feel the need to ask for changes because I'd rather her not change for me but instead for her own good. I think even being single would be better than continuing on with this. Has anyone gone through a similar situation? I'd love to read some stories to prepare me for what I have to do. Thanks for reading. Goodpal
glows Posted March 21 Posted March 21 Yes and I think you better do it sooner rather than later and be clear that you do not see a future with her. State your boundaries clearly and you’re not able to keep in touch or respond to any texts or calls. She learned that if she keeps contacting you you give in and go back to her. Let this time be different. It’s disingenuous to keep being with someone you don’t respect.
Author Goodpal Posted March 21 Author Posted March 21 18 minutes ago, glows said: Yes and I think you better do it sooner rather than later and be clear that you do not see a future with her. State your boundaries clearly and you’re not able to keep in touch or respond to any texts or calls. She learned that if she keeps contacting you you give in and go back to her. Let this time be different. It’s disingenuous to keep being with someone you don’t respect. Were you in a similar situation?
glows Posted March 21 Posted March 21 5 minutes ago, Goodpal said: Were you in a similar situation? Unfortunately yes. Different health choices, decisions to lie, tough mix. Just decide what’s best for you and if you end it be kind but firm.
Author Goodpal Posted March 21 Author Posted March 21 45 minutes ago, glows said: Unfortunately yes. Different health choices, decisions to lie, tough mix. Just decide what’s best for you and if you end it be kind but firm. Did you have a plan leading up to the break-up? How did you feel afterwards? I feel terrible right now putting on the facade that everything is fine before I drop the bomb. I have a date set and I know what I'm going to say but I'm not looking forward to it. I keep kicking the can.
glows Posted March 21 Posted March 21 56 minutes ago, Goodpal said: Did you have a plan leading up to the break-up? How did you feel afterwards? I feel terrible right now putting on the facade that everything is fine before I drop the bomb. I have a date set and I know what I'm going to say but I'm not looking forward to it. I keep kicking the can. You said you don’t live together. Do you fear for your personal safety or think she’ll resort to any maliciousness? You mentioned her persistence in the past which is a bit odd, especially when you’ve broken up with her so many times. It suggests she doesn’t care what you think or doesn’t take you seriously. She may not take herself seriously or have mental health issues. I suggest you do take the break up seriously and inform people closest to you. If you need to stay with someone for a weekend or support talk to trusted friends or family members.
Author Goodpal Posted March 21 Author Posted March 21 55 minutes ago, glows said: You said you don’t live together. Do you fear for your personal safety or think she’ll resort to any maliciousness? You mentioned her persistence in the past which is a bit odd, especially when you’ve broken up with her so many times. It suggests she doesn’t care what you think or doesn’t take you seriously. She may not take herself seriously or have mental health issues. I suggest you do take the break up seriously and inform people closest to you. If you need to stay with someone for a weekend or support talk to trusted friends or family members. I don't fear my safety but I do believe she has mental health issues. I guess I'm afraid of her coming over and me having to deal with her some more. Thanks for responding. You kind of helped me see things more black and white. I also get messed up in the head the more I'm around here. I start to second guess. She hadn't been around for awhile and then she came out last night for this weekend. The plan is for next weekend to cut the ties. As shitty as it sounds I HAVE TO do this over the phone because it's just not pleasant in person and she will not be able to make it out next weekend when I do this.
glows Posted March 21 Posted March 21 26 minutes ago, Goodpal said: I don't fear my safety but I do believe she has mental health issues. I guess I'm afraid of her coming over and me having to deal with her some more. Thanks for responding. You kind of helped me see things more black and white. I also get messed up in the head the more I'm around here. I start to second guess. She hadn't been around for awhile and then she came out last night for this weekend. The plan is for next weekend to cut the ties. As shitty as it sounds I HAVE TO do this over the phone because it's just not pleasant in person and she will not be able to make it out next weekend when I do this. That’s disturbing if you suspect she’ll show up unannounced and knocking on your door after a break up. I strongly suggest you inform people closest to you and make arrangements to stay elsewhere for a few days and ask your closest family and friends not to have any contact with this person, tell them not to inform her of your whereabouts because she has a history of disregarding your wishes and stalking you. I assumed she has a history of doing this or arguing with you or disregarding you because you fear it might happen. People generally arent this fearful or suspicious of another human being unless behaviour in the past has proven there’s reason to be fearful. It’s a learned response. After you clarify it’s over, Block and delete from all social media and your phone.
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