guy45 Posted March 15 Posted March 15 This married woman from work wants to be friends with me. We met up a few times, and she made it pretty clear she just wants to be friends. She also talks about her husband often. No big deal, friends is fine, but it seems she wants to meet fairly often and talks to me quite frequently and when we met its usually just me and her. My question is why doesn't she hang out with her husband? What is the benefit in meeting up with me?
basil67 Posted March 15 Posted March 15 (edited) I'm sure she does hang out with her husband, but she wants friends too. She chose you because she likes you and you're probably not hitting on her. Of course, if you're uncomfortable or are worried about it getting complicated, you could always tell her that you're not comfortable with the situation. Or simply be less available if she asks. Edit to add: if you get a girlfriend she may not be comfortable with you having a close friendship with another woman, so do bear this in mind Edited March 15 by basil67
ExpatInItaly Posted March 16 Posted March 16 7 hours ago, guy45 said: My question is why doesn't she hang out with her husband? Why are you assuming that she doesn't?
BaileyB Posted March 16 Posted March 16 It’s not really appropriate for a married woman to be meeting another man alone - and it’s even more inappropriate if she starts to share private information about her relationship with her husband. She could be doing this with the intention of having an affair - you need to be aware of that possibility. Be very, very careful here… lest you find yourself really hurt. Boundaries are an important thing in all relationships. You are flirting with some pretty weak boundaries here… be careful. 1
Sony12 Posted March 16 Posted March 16 She wants you to be a free therapist for her. Is she having marital problems? Are you just meeting in public places? Has she made any reference to you coming over to her place?
Gaeta Posted March 16 Posted March 16 (edited) If this is just friendship then why not inviting you over for dinner to meet tha husband? If your friendship is not out in the open then it's not a friendship. She's looking for male attention and using the 'friendship' excuse. Why do you participate to that? It doesn't matter what motivates her and if she hangs out with her husband or not. What matters is *you* and why you hang out with a married woman. Edited March 16 by Gaeta 2 1
Sony12 Posted March 16 Posted March 16 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: If this is just friendship then why not inviting you over for dinner to meet tha husband? If your friendship is not out in the open then it's not a friendship she's looking for. She's looking for male attention and using the 'friendship' excuse. Why do you participate to that? It doesn't matter what motivates her and if she hangs out with her husband or not. What matters is *you* and why you hang out with a married woman. He is likely a lot cheaper than paying for a therapist.
Gaeta Posted March 16 Posted March 16 1 minute ago, Sony12 said: He is likely a lot cheaper than paying for a therapist. Yes but.....if l was in need of a good friend-listener l would pick a female for my new friend. There is something wrong in seeking opposite-sex friendship while in a marriage. 1 1
Sony12 Posted March 16 Posted March 16 3 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Yes but.....if l was in need of a good friend-listener l would pick a female for my new friend. There is something wrong in seeking opposite-sex friendship while in a marriage. It might feel wrong but it does happen. Some women view other women as being judgy and prone to gossip and to stab people in the back. Whereas men often are more chill. They enjoy talking to men more than they do women.
Georgia46 Posted March 16 Posted March 16 I suppose it’s up to you but I’d rather not spend my time getting invested in something that’s going to end up in a mess/ heartbreak. I’d rather go for chats and get to know people who are single and available, not get in the middle of a dynamic like that, it never ends well. 1
smackie9 Posted March 16 Posted March 16 Well it's healthy to have a social life/hobbies outside the relationship/marriage...keeps things fresh, and less emotionally dependant on a partner. Plus independence/keeping ones identity is good for mental health. BUT, the lack of being intellectually stimulated (by her husband or a GF) might be the reason why she seeks a friendship with you. A nice single handsome man that can give her full focus. So ya I see why she feels you have purpose, and IMO she's exploiting you for her own selfish needs. This is something that definitely can go off the rails. Like I always say...if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Now the true test is if you can introduce others into your "friendship", hangout as a group of 3 or 4 mixed individuals, and she welcomes the extra company then that's a true friendship. If he goal is to have only one on one and have you to herself, then buddy you got troubles there. That is a personality that suffers from depression, low self esteem, social anxiety, or the need to have some control in their life. Those are some negatives.
BaileyB Posted March 16 Posted March 16 (edited) 5 hours ago, Gaeta said: .if l was in need of a good friend-listener l would pick a female for my new friend. Totally agree. And even then, I don’t generally discuss the problems in my relationship. I respect my husband too much to share that kind of personal information. I will share funny stories, talk about the things he/we are doing… but, we still keep a healthy boundary. If she isn’t doing that OP, that’s a huge red flag. Edited March 16 by BaileyB
MsJayne Posted March 17 Posted March 17 Does her husband know she wants to be friends with you? If not, give this woman a big miss, she's trouble.
justwhoiam Posted March 18 Posted March 18 On 3/15/2025 at 11:32 PM, guy45 said: My question is why doesn't she hang out with her husband? What is the benefit in meeting up with me? When I was in my 20s, I was quite naive at times. My boyfriend often got off work around 9:30 pm. I made friends at work with a guy who lived about 2 or 3 miles from my home. At the time, I was taking the train to work because I didn’t have a car, so he offered to pick me up every morning and drive me to work and then back in the evening. The drive could take about an hour each way, and we’d talk about anything. He was single and rarely went out at night. So, around Christmastime, I asked him, 'There’s a gospel choir singing next week at 8:30 pm, it’s a free concert. Would you like to come?' So, we went together. That’s how we started hanging out outside of work. We were just friends. I only saw him as a friend, and he was also 15 years older than me. Fast forward to one night after he drank a bit, and he confessed that he had dreamed about me, like he had seen me naked or something and things got sexual. In short, I realized that he had fantasized about me. Funny enough, that didn’t jeopardize our friendship, as we’re still friends after many years and not working at the same company anymore. He’s retired now.
Author guy45 Posted March 18 Author Posted March 18 Thanks for the replies everyone. To answer some of your questions : I'm not sure if her husband knows me and her are hanging out. She's mentioned that she likes meeting up with me because its easier for her to get along with men than with women. She meets up with a lot of people from work but usually in groups to play sports or go to night clubs. She talks about her husband usually in a positive way. She's mentioned also being more of a lone wolf which is kind of odd since she's married lol So far we've just been meeting in public places.
Sony12 Posted March 18 Posted March 18 1 hour ago, guy45 said: Thanks for the replies everyone. To answer some of your questions : I'm not sure if her husband knows me and her are hanging out. She's mentioned that she likes meeting up with me because its easier for her to get along with men than with women. She meets up with a lot of people from work but usually in groups to play sports or go to night clubs. She talks about her husband usually in a positive way. She's mentioned also being more of a lone wolf which is kind of odd since she's married lol So far we've just been meeting in public places. To be honest it isn't uncommon at all for women to say they get a long better with men than they do women. Many of the women I talk to say the exact same thing. They feel like they are being judged by other women and that they don't trust them to not go behind their back and talk about them. Men tend to be not as prone to gossip as women are and they know that. If she has told you multiple times that you two are just friends and hasn't been all that flirtatious with you than she does indeed just strictly view you as a friend. If you tried to put some moves on her it would probably scare her off.
Gaeta Posted March 18 Posted March 18 12 hours ago, guy45 said: Thanks for the replies everyone. To answer some of your questions : I'm not sure if her husband knows me and her are hanging out. She's mentioned that she likes meeting up with me because its easier for her to get along with men than with women. She meets up with a lot of people from work but usually in groups to play sports or go to night clubs. She talks about her husband usually in a positive way. She's mentioned also being more of a lone wolf Don't you think she's contradicting herself? She says she's a lone wolf but she goes out with you + with *a lot* of people from work. Yes sure, for women sometimes friendship with men are easier but that does not mean it's appropriate when we're married.
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