lemonicetea Posted March 14 Posted March 14 The other day I matched with someone on a dating app. After making a little bit of basic small talk he asked for my phone number, saying it would be easier to text. I told him that I didn’t feel comfortable giving out my number just yet. That was the last I heard from him. I know this guy is water under the bridge now, but I want to know for future reference, am I being unreasonable?
Alvi Posted March 15 Posted March 15 Do whatever you feel comfortable with. I never understood why guys where asking me for my phone number when I was on the dating sties. What is wrong talking on that site and getting to know each other. Why can't they arrange arrange to meet on a dating site? Maybe it's not a bad idea to exchange numbers after an actual date is arranged. It may be easier to text just in case if he or she is late or something comes up. And another thing. Let's say the two of you actually meet and there is no chemistry. What do you do with walls and walls of text on your phone. I mean, you put so much energy into getting to know someone and getting the words right but if an actual date is a bust, what then? Most texts are very generic and not are not worth any effort. It's tiresome to text sometimes and easier to just meet for a cup of coffee or something. Those big phone texters never worked out for me but everybody is different. In other words, it could be lots of effort for nothing if a date doesn't work out or boring "Hi, hru" type of text that leads nowhere. Or they may ask you to send them more pictures over the phone (meaning naked pics). I think that the right guy is going to respect your decision not to text before a date and not going to pull a ghosting act on you. 1
MsJayne Posted March 15 Posted March 15 No, you are absolutely not being unreasonable. This is a big part of what's so wrong with OLD, there's a lot of pushy people who think a profile and a brief chat with someone constitute a connection. Just like in face-to-face encounters, you should never undermine your own boundaries because you're being made to feel you're being unreasonable. A guy who doesn't understand why women might be cagey about giving out their number to strangers is a guy you don't need to meet, especially when they stop talking to you because you didn't let them call the shots. Guys can arrange a meeting with you through the date site, and if you like them and feel comfortable when you meet them, then you might give them your number. Or, you can chat often enough, maybe for a couple of weeks, that you feel OK giving them your number. It's up to you, not them.
Sony12 Posted March 15 Posted March 15 There is no timeline for it and some people are ok with exchanging numbers right away while others like to wait. Do what feels comfortable to you. I myself usually exchange phone numbers within the first conversation as well but that is just me. The only red flag I see with people saying they are wishing to wait is that in my experience often times when women say they prefer to wait that is usually an indication that they will never be ready to exchange numbers. If I had to guess the guy you were talking to has experienced that same thing which is why he stops talking when they refuse to give their number.
Sony12 Posted March 15 Posted March 15 5 hours ago, MsJayne said: No, you are absolutely not being unreasonable. This is a big part of what's so wrong with OLD, there's a lot of pushy people who think a profile and a brief chat with someone constitute a connection. Just like in face-to-face encounters, you should never undermine your own boundaries because you're being made to feel you're being unreasonable. A guy who doesn't understand why women might be cagey about giving out their number to strangers is a guy you don't need to meet, especially when they stop talking to you because you didn't let them call the shots. Guys can arrange a meeting with you through the date site, and if you like them and feel comfortable when you meet them, then you might give them your number. Or, you can chat often enough, maybe for a couple of weeks, that you feel OK giving them your number. It's up to you, not them. You tend to get a much better idea about who they are and what their personality is like through a phone call then just a text message. Which isn't a good reason to talk on the phone. Many people don't want to weed out people in person when they easily could be weeded out by a phone call.
smackie9 Posted March 15 Posted March 15 Your safety is first and foremost important, ..... it's ok for you to get to know the person first, and some of their background before giving any kind of access to you personally, ie:your phone number, where you live, what car you drive, who you work for, your last name, your SM. You do what feels comfortable to you. Even with a few text messages you can see red flags, like them being aggressive/pushy, rude. Guys don't always get it. Women can be vulnerable, and be harassed, victimized, stalked, etc when talking, meeting total strangers from OLD sites. There are a lot of predatory men that use OLD sites...wasn't anything like that say 10 years ago. But now they see opportunity and women need to protect themselves. Demographics can easily play a role for sure, but why should you let your guard down because a few guys ghost you.
basil67 Posted March 15 Posted March 15 (edited) When dating, my daughter used to like to get off the apps ASAP because she only visited them once a day and wouldn't see the messages. There's no right or wrong, it's just about finding people who feel the same way you do Edited March 15 by basil67
Lotsgoingon Posted March 15 Posted March 15 (edited) Don't give your number until you feel good and ready and safe to give out your number. If you can't withhold your number--and say no--at the start, then you aren't ready to date someone because it's far easier to say no early on than later on in the relationship. You cannot have a good relationship if you cannot tell people "no." I've tried and it doesn't work. Had to learn how to say no. As in "No, I'm more comfortable communicating over the app for now." Edited March 16 by Lotsgoingon 1
Georgia46 Posted March 16 Posted March 16 No you are not being unreasonable. Only give out your number when you want to/ when it feels right.
Gaeta Posted March 16 Posted March 16 Here in Canada it's impossible to find someone with a cellular number. If people have a land line yes, if you google their number you will get their full name and address. Because of that l had no worries giving out my number BUT l would never give my number first. The man had to offer me his number, big difference!! And those who were gentleman would always tell me it was ok for me to block my number while calling until l felt comfortable. Do not meet men you have not spoken on the phone first.
enterthevoid Posted March 23 Posted March 23 (edited) You're not being unreasonable. If you want to give him the number before the date, that's valid. If you want to wait until after the date, that's also valid. In my experience, when women have told me they want to wait until after the first date to give me their number, they typically follow through on plans and are serious about meeting. Edited March 23 by enterthevoid
glows Posted March 24 Posted March 24 (edited) I suggest meeting briefly in a public space for a meet and greet. Organize it in the app. If you both decide you want to see each other a second time then exchange numbers in person. This will divide the real ones from the fakes/bots/scammers. Edited March 24 by glows
FredEire Posted March 25 Posted March 25 The apps are crap for messaging so personally I like to try and get a number and set up a date as quickly as I can if there's a bit of good conversation going on. It's entirely up to you though, it's your contact so you can give it out or otherwise whenever you feel comfortable. At the end of the day I wouldn't blame a guy for trying to be a little bit more direct, and no matter how nice a guy on there seems there's no guarantee you're not going to get hit with a dick pic once you move to WhatsApp/Insta or start asking some weird questions. You just have to judge it yourself, there's no obligation to do anything at any particular time.
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