livingalife2009 Posted March 14 Posted March 14 Has anyone felt they needed to slow down a 6 week old relationship because it’s going too fast and too intense? Dating a guy I didn’t like very much at the beginning but ended up liking him (too much) after seeing him 2 - 3 dates each week for 6 weeks. He’s everything I’m looking for in a man and he says I tick his boxes also. We are both middle age, done with having kids and have good jobs. We have been hanging out at my place a lot because it’s more comfortable and available than his house. I have shown him my love and kindness and the real me and he seems to really enjoy what I have to offer. But deep down, I feel that I am too much for him - too kind, too open and too giving. I don’t think he will ever take advantage of my kindness but I fear that my open and (too) loving and kind personality will overwhelm him. I told him that I would want to slow down a bit because of the reason I mentioned here, but he said he liked who I am and he’s not overwhelmed. I’m wondering if anybody here has experienced similar situations and if slowing down strengthens or weakens the relationship? Note- he’s kind, loving, attentive and consistent. He fears that he’s falling in love too fast but doesn’t want to slow down seeing each other, intimacy might have a lot to do with it:) Thank you in advance for the response.
basil67 Posted March 14 Posted March 14 I'm struggling to see the problem. 2-3 dates each week for six weeks, and great intimacy is a relationship which is doing really well. It's much like how my husband and I started out over 30 years ago. And unless you're being taken advantage of you how can you be too kind, too open and too giving? Thing is, if you slow it down, you're changing the dynamic which is working well, so you might actually break it. My advice is to enjoy it, but to also remind yourself that it is early days after all. That's how I managed in the early days with my husband. 1 2
Miss Chrysalis Posted March 14 Posted March 14 I'm also not understanding. Could you provide a tangible example of a way in which your kindness and openness may cause a problem for your partner?
Gebidozo Posted March 15 Posted March 15 Another non-understanding voice here. Too kind, too open, too loving? What’s bad in that? OP, is there something else? Are there any actual problems in the relationship? Some concrete examples of things that don’t go well?
ShyViolet Posted March 15 Posted March 15 On 3/14/2025 at 11:18 AM, livingalife2009 said: But deep down, I feel that I am too much for him - too kind, too open and too giving. I don’t think he will ever take advantage of my kindness but I fear that my open and (too) loving and kind personality will overwhelm him. I'm wondering if what's really going on here is that deep down, something about this relationship doesn't feel right to you. Why else would you be having these reservations? On 3/14/2025 at 11:18 AM, livingalife2009 said: I told him that I would want to slow down a bit because of the reason I mentioned here, but he said he liked who I am and he’s not overwhelmed. YOU feel overwhelmed. And he did not listen to you or respect that, instead his answer was dismissive of your feelings. A bit of a red flag if you ask me. 2
basil67 Posted March 15 Posted March 15 Is it that you're feeling like he's taking advantage of your kindness?
Author livingalife2009 Posted March 17 Author Posted March 17 On 3/14/2025 at 6:16 PM, Miss Chrysalis said: I'm also not understanding. Could you provide a tangible example of a way in which your kindness and openness may cause a problem for your partner? No tangible example. The more I know him the more I like him. It’s been 6 weeks of knowing him and today we booked our first trip together. It’s going to be hiking in Machu Pichu. I fear no more, instead I’m grateful that he’s in my life. 1
ShyViolet Posted March 17 Posted March 17 14 hours ago, livingalife2009 said: No tangible example. The more I know him the more I like him. It’s been 6 weeks of knowing him and today we booked our first trip together. It’s going to be hiking in Machu Pichu. I fear no more, instead I’m grateful that he’s in my life. Oh my goodness. It seems like a very questionable thing to do, to book a trip out of the country with someone you have only known 6 weeks. This relationship is moving WAY too fast. 2
Georgia46 Posted March 17 Posted March 17 I say don’t overthink it. Go with the flow & just enjoy. We’re only here for a short time… May aswell be a good time
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