vmoul Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 I am sorry but this is going to be long, and maybe this is not the best forum for it.... but, I am trying to cope with the situation. My husband and I have been married a little over 4 years...we have been together for 8 years total. Initially we were together for approx 3 years and he decided he did not know what he wanted so we split up.....2 months later he decided he loved me and he asked me to marry him....even though I was deeply hurt by our break up... and I knew that the reason for our break up was not another woman.... I still loved him and I accepted his proposal. We have now been married for 4 years and, I discovered some emails between him and a woman he works with, the content in the emails leads me to believe it is more than a friendship. I confronted him of course he denied it and said they are just friends and that the emails went too far and he told me they were both sorry. This was the Sunday after Thanksgiving 2005. I was devestated...the rug was pulled out from under me...I never stopped loving him....Although I do not place all the blame on him...I see this as a wake up call....I was depressed for the last 2 years...the depression slowly crept up on me I did not realise it was happening.....I did not treat him as if he was my husband I loved him but I was not capeable of showing him the affection he needed from me....As I look back at it now it is as if I was walking around in a cloud I was not happy with anything or myself. The extreme hurt I felt of being betrayed lead me to seek help for the depression I am now on medication and am feeling better although I have a long way to go to be whole again..... I believe he is still seeing this woman he is just hiding it better.... I also do not think it has gotten to be a physical relationship YET. I have caught him crying on more than one occasion. He is very stressed with the situation and hurt. I also believe he is torn between the 2 of us now. I have been hurting him for the last 2 years and didnt know I was..... I know a little about this woman, she is wealthy has 3 childern at least 1 small child of the 3 and will not leave her husband she has too much to give up...There is no way my husband could support her in the manner she is used to living in....The money is her husbands. I have been crying daily since I found out in November 2005. I am going to a counsellor. He was honest with me yesterday...not about his 'affair' but his feelings towards me. He told me that he has feelings for me but the feelings he once had were gone and he said he did not know if they would ever come back because I hurt him too badly.....he also thinks I am lying about the depression to keep him from leaving me. He told me he has put up barriers so that, I could not hurt him again. He said that he can see changes in me but he is not going to put his guard down because he cannot take getting hurt again and he thinks that in 2 months time I will be right back to treating him badly.... he also said that he wants to see what happens in time and maybe we still have a future together if he can learn to trust that I will not hurt him...but right now he is just trying to get through each day... And that he does not need anyone to make him happy... When we split up 5 yrs ago he was saying similar things like: he needed space, needed to find himself, etc... We are still living together but I am having a very hard time dealing with my emotions...I am tearing myself up because...this man loved me very much and I ruined that love by hurting him, I am also very hurt by the 'affair'. Life is a living H*ll. Can any of you please give ma some advice on how to cope with this and advice on anything I can do to fix this marriage. I do feel like this is my problem I hurt him. It didnt give him the right to go outside the marriage but I cant say I wouldnt have done what he did if I was in his shoes. Thanks in advance for any insight you can give me.
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