Should I hire a sex worker to take my virginity at 26?

[Miss Chrysalis]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

@lemonicetea and @Miss Chrysalis   I asked the same question early in the thread.   OP said he does not mention being a virgin, so the problem is clearly his profile rather than his virginity.   He hasn't come back for advice on the profile.   

Without more information, I suspect that his profile accidentally reflects his current depression

 

Ah, thanks for the update since I didn't read it all.  A virgin at 26 isn't a red flag.  A virgin at 50? Yeah, maybe a red flag.

[justwhoiam]

Remove any reference to being a virgin in your profile. Check out your outfits and hairstyle. Then do what many men do on those apps: only swipe right. Then see what happens. You'll have the ball in your court.

Plus, ask a girl out where you're studying and at the church if you happen to hang out and talk to people outside. Have something ready to bring up, like some art gallery, movie at the movie theater or some other event. They might want to join you.

I think you should be attracted to the girl or woman in the first place when you ask them out, or you might not get aroused, and you don't want that to happen. Don't share that you're a virgin. If they asked about your previous relationship, just be vague and say you never had anything important going, that you just had a few dates.

Now, about you not having any hobby. No one wants to hang out with an amoeba. Find something you're passionate about: some sport, some collectibles, some movie director, some book genre or writer, you name it, some music or band. Do something exciting in your life, you're 26! Enjoy life, plan a trip. You don't have to go right away, but you'd have a goal other than studying. And yes, you could also be passionate about what you're studying. Excitement is a state of mind.

[enterthevoid]

I don't judge people who see sex workers, but I don't think it's a long-term solution.

It's also not a good use of money.  You can allocate that money into things that will improve your dating life.  A haircut, good clothes.  Photographers to take better photos for your dating apps.  Going to out social events to meet people, make friends. etc

Quote

Even if I really connect with a woman it goes to s*** once they learn I’m a virgin.

It's as much of an issue as you make it.  This is likely because you come at it from a place of fear and low-esteem.  And they can probably sense this.  If you're a virgin, but you're confident and not ashamed of it, then most women won't have an issue.  If they're attracted to you, many will be happy to teach you.  I was a late-bloomer.  When I was inexperienced, I was upfront.  I confidently said that I was inexperience, but happy to learn.

It seems like what's making you feel sad is a broader thing to do with your mindset and maybe depression.  Seeing an escort isn't going to fix this.

 

[FredEire]

29 minutes ago, enterthevoid said:

I don't judge people who see sex workers, but I don't think it's a long-term solution.

It's also not a good use of money.  You can allocate that money into things that will improve your dating life.  A haircut, good clothes.  Photographers to take better photos for your dating apps.  Going to out social events to meet people, make friends. etc

It's as much of an issue as you make it.  This is likely because you come at it from a place of fear and low-esteem.  And they can probably sense this.  If you're a virgin, but you're confident and not ashamed of it, then most women won't have an issue.  If they're attracted to you, many will be happy to teach you.  I was a late-bloomer.  When I was inexperienced, I was upfront.  I confidently said that I was inexperience, but happy to learn.

It seems like what's making you feel sad is a broader thing to do with your mindset and maybe depression.  Seeing an escort isn't going to fix this.

 

I'm still wondering at what point he's telling these women that he's a virgin. If he has a good connection with them it's kind of irrelevant to the early-stage flirting/getting to know eachother bit anyway. I think if you're already at the stage where she knows she's into you and sees you as a potential sex partner, it shouldn't matter all that much anyway and she might even see it as kind of cute or want to help you learn.

From the sound of the posts I get the impression he might be getting on well on dates and then deciding to nuke it by dropping it on these girls that he's a virgin and it's a huge big deal.

Basically how much sex you've had in your life previously shouldn't be a big deal, and if you don't treat it as such it won't be, and you'll probably meet someone quickly enough who you'll end up losing your virginity to. But if you treat it as a deal-breaker and a reason nobody would want to touch you, then it will be. It's all about how much importance you give it, and it sounds like it's turned into a way to sabotage yourself.

As others have said hiring a call girl is just going to make you feel worse. Your narrative of "women don't want me because I'm a virgin" will just turn into "women don't want me because the only sexual experience I've had was with a prostitute".

Edited March 23 by FredEire

[enterthevoid]

I agree 100%.

Also, it's not just about the words but the overall vibe.  If someone is insecure and has low self-confidence, it affects how they walk, talk, and act.  

It shows up in other areas.  Maybe they're really indecisive when making plans.  They may excessively apologize for things they don't need to.  They may try so hard to please (instead of just relaxing and enjoying the date).  Or they may be wrapped up so much in their own thoughts, that the date becomes this serious thing instead of a lighthearted fun outing.

I seriously don't think it's the virginity that's the issue.  It's the lack of confidence.

 

Edited March 23 by enterthevoid

[basil67]

38 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I'm still wondering at what point he's telling these women that he's a virgin.

I asked the question and he said he's not putting the information out there.   This whole post is just a massive assumption on his part

[FredEire]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I asked the question and he said he's not putting the information out there.   This whole post is just a massive assumption on his part

I see, I doubt too many of these women he's seeing are psychically perceiving he's a virgin.

Not being able to lose your virginity because your social/dating skills maybe aren't very good is a whole different question.

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I see, I doubt too many of these women he's seeing are psychically perceiving he's a virgin

 

I doubt they even think about his virginity.  They are far more likely to be thinking about social skills

[UnknownName]

I have rarely dated, haven't kissed at all, never had sex, until this woman came along. I came close a few times, but the women I met threw me out of their home when they learned I was clueless on what to do. Most got mad and said they can’t believe I wasted a week of their life (that’s how long we dated before sex). 

 

For the woman I’m with now, I told her this and she wasn't bothered and thought it was kind of sweet, but did tell me this would be different for her as well, since she's usually the less experienced one when she has had sex. She has two kids and doesn't want anymore.

Her and I had been on a few dates and had made out, but finally started hooking up on the 4th date. I was having performance anxiety a few times but she was understanding. Then, after being able to get hard after a few try, I came too quick. She was ok with it. Then we found our rhythm and it has been amazing. I care about her so much and really wanted her to be my gf soon, it felt like it was going that way. I felt like this was it.

i told my friend about all of this and he said I clearly gained confidence and I need to make the most of this and he said he had regrets staying with the first girl he was with for so long because he should have gone out and gained more experience. He said how likely is it that the first girl I get with is the most compatible with me? This girl keeps saying how much of a catch I am and he said other women will think the same.

The main thing my friend mentioned is her being done with having kids. This is way more important imho. It's been known that I've wanted to start my own family and have my own kids for a long time. She has her two kids and says she doesn't want anymore. I was told this will haunt me some day.

This girl can tell I am off and I can tell she's a little nervous about it. This is killing me because she's amazing but now I'm wondering if I do need to explore? I don't think she's the type that would give a second chance. I think I can fall in love with this woman, she seems like the girl of my dreams, but now I'm questioning everything

 
Would I regret not having my own kids? Would this be a mistake if I'm already so happy with this woman? It would kill me to break her heart especially after how patient she's been.

TLDR; I always wanted to start a family, but I’m already 29 and just lost my virginity. The woman I’m seeing has kids and doesn’t want anymore.

 

[basil67]

You don't have to decide right now.  If the relationship is working for you now, stay around and enjoy it.   Worry about breaking up when the relationship is no longer suiting your needs.  

Also, your friend has too many opinions.   Truth is, the future is not easily planned.   For example, you may break up but not find a new partner for a long time.   Or you may find a partner who wants kids, you marry and then find there are infertility issues.   Or you marry, have kids and then end up divorced.   Or you may end up loving your partner and her children and stay with her forever.

[Foxhall]

3 hours ago, UnknownName said:

She has two kids

they will always be her priority also, so it is important that you do not get bogged down by the notion of committing to her and all that,

Id keep her onside but I would also be leaving the door open to other possibilities.

[Els]

I'm assuming that you mean you want "biological" kids, since if you got married her kids would technically be yours as well.

I'm of two minds here. On the one hand, if you strongly think this is a complete dealbreaker, then there's no point in stringing her along. Better to do a clean break now.

On the other hand, you need to really look back at your life and decide how much of this decision is truly yours, and not influenced by your friend.

Let's be totally honest here: As a man, unless you want to go down the very expensive and legally fraught surrogate route, your ability to have biological kids depends on finding a woman who is fertile AND wants biological kids, AND wants them with you, AND whom you also are attracted to and is reasonably compatible with you. Unlike women, you can't just get a donor and do it alone.

Some men never find this. Frankly if you've never gotten past the one-week stage of dating until now, there's probably something going on that we're not seeing here, and that's going to affect your chances as well.

Again, not saying that you should stay, just that I think you need to think realistically about your options.

Edited April 1 by Els