francis Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 hi guys, just wanted to write here instead of lying awake in bed unable to sleep. it's been a week since i received his gift package. i did not acknowledge it and did not contact him. i haven't heard from him either. i don't know if i am going mad. its been almost 8 months now since he broke up with me and yet i still think about him constantly. but it got to the point whereby if i kept the lines of communication open, i knew i would never get past the hurt. now i just feel sad. but it's almost as if this thing has taken on a life of its own. i don't even know if he looks the same, acts the same, whether he is dating someone else, what he is feeling, what he is thinking. i never know the answers when were maintaining contact and that is what drove me insane in the end. he point blank refused to talk about it. i even asked him straight out about 3 months ago whether he still loved me and he refused to answer. i have to convince myself that this isnt real, this image in my head of us isnt reality. it's strange, that even today, the shock and realisation still hits me...'oh my god...he really did break up with me. we really are over.' i know that people here are hurt by not being contacted at all by their exes after the breakup, but at least then you have the closure in that blatant but honest message from their non action...why should you hurt over them when they don't hurt over you? that is a blessing compared to complete mixed messages and an ex disguised as a 'nice guy', when all you really want is to be able to love him openly.
notmakingsense Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 If I'm reading your post correctly, you've been in on-again-off again contact since the breakup... I mean, you talked to him 3 months ago, and got some sort of gift package from him last week. What that means is that you haven't been in full no-contact -- which is why it is taking you so long to heal. It is almost like you only have been in NC for 3 months -- which isn't a very long time for some people. So.... just stick to it. It will get better.
brooke7777 Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 I've been in on and off again contact with my ex and it's hard. PArt of me wishes he'd never answered my calls or never called me, and the other part of me knows that I would be ten times more devastated if that were really to have happened. It's real hard at night sometimes, when you can't quite get your brain to shut off and all you do is think and analyze. THe mixed signals that replay over and over. My ex has told me that he missed me terribly and that he is having a real hard time adjusting. Others have told me that he is miserable and that he questions his decision every day. Yet, he is still confused and doesn't know what he wants. It's mixed signals every time we talk. IT makes me bonkers, but yet I still can't cut him off, no matter how many people tell me to, no matter how hard I try. I just can't do it. I guess I really don't want to in case of these signals maybe aren't so mixed and in case maybe there is a slight bit of hope for us. IT's hard. I feel your pain
teethbrushes Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 i'm in all of your boats too. At least if they cut off contact, you'd KNOW. Or they said "This is what I want from you," then you'd KNOW. And like you, my ex is the quintessential "nice guy"...everyone thinks he's fantastic...but me.
Author francis Posted January 11, 2006 Author Posted January 11, 2006 thank you for your responses... NotMakingSense...we have been in contact pretty much daily since he broke up with me...emails, some sms...it's all been about sharing our news, updating on life and a lot of sharing what we have in common...discussing the news, certain ideas on life etc...we would send maybe 6/7 emails a day to each other...but he would NEVER discuss us. When I would bring it up, he told me he thought what we had was amazing and all he wanted was for me to finish my degree. (I graduate this summer). I guess I always was clinging to the hope of reconciliation upon my graduation which would mean moving countries for him. Brooke...Your ex is sharing his feelings with you which must be exasperating for you. This is something my ex refuses to do, at least, no feelings on our relationship. teethbrushes...exactly...It's the not knowing that has driven me, at last, to this choice of total NC...I am afraid that I have been really horrible to him...not acknowledging his Happy new year email or the gift...but I am sick of being a puppet on his string and refuse to be left dangling. NC is making me sad, but I know that it will clarify for me at last what is going on. For me, it's about protecting myself from a huge fall in June when in my head, I would be expecting some sort of reconciliation that he has made no indication that could happen.
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