max3732 Posted March 7 Posted March 7 This is with the same woman I mentioned in my previous post. I invited her to lunch and she suggested this place within walking distance of where she lives and invited me to go swimming afterwards. I've never been there before, but said ok and then she said they have brunch on the weekends. All of the places I've gone lately have a brunch menu that has normal breakfast and lunch type items (eggs benedict and cheeseburgers for example), but I checked the website for the place she suggested and it's a special brunch menu for nearly $100 per person. It wouldn't bankrupt me, but that's awfully expensive for a 2nd date. Since I already agreed to it what can I do? Should I say something about it being a little much to eat and suggest another place nearby? I don't want to get ripped off here. Also, with the pool invite I'm assuming she means the pool at her condo since there isn't one nearby the restaurant. I've never been invited to go swimming on a date. Is that a typical activity?
basil67 Posted March 7 Posted March 7 (edited) Part one: Glad to see you've gotten to the stage of questioning spending a lot of money on someone you're dating early. Next stage is to just shut that s*** right down without having to ask us. She's clearly a money grabber! Given that she's already cancelled on you a number of times, I suggest you tell her that you've changed your mind and wish her luck for the future Part two: A swimming date is no different to a tennis date or any other kind of activity date. I wouldn't say it's common, but two people like the activity then why not? Edited March 7 by basil67
Sony12 Posted March 8 Posted March 8 Wonder how many other guys she asked to spend hundreds of dollars for a first date brunch with the possibility of a swim afterwards. No you don't accept that offer. Simply tell her you don't spend that kind of money on a first date. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 8 Posted March 8 I would simply tell her the price is too extravagant. Suggest a more reasonable alternative, if you wish. If she balks at that, well, you probably shouldnt't bother with a second date at all. 1
Gebidozo Posted March 8 Posted March 8 I don’t understand, does she expect you to invite her for that expensive brunch? Or simple to pay your half? If it’s the second, just tell her that it’s a bit too expensive for you and suggest a cheaper alternative. If it’s the first, explain to her that whoever determines a certain location for a date cannot expect the other person to pay for it. When a person says “Let’s go to place X”, it means they are ready to pay at least their half, or they are inviting you.
Author max3732 Posted March 8 Author Posted March 8 5 hours ago, Gebidozo said: I don’t understand, does she expect you to invite her for that expensive brunch? Or simple to pay your half? If it’s the second, just tell her that it’s a bit too expensive for you and suggest a cheaper alternative. If it’s the first, explain to her that whoever determines a certain location for a date cannot expect the other person to pay for it. When a person says “Let’s go to place X”, it means they are ready to pay at least their half, or they are inviting you. She didn't say, but I've always paid for my dates. I suggested lunch and was about to mention a place I like that is not cheap like fast food, but a normal priced place around $25 each. I wouldn't want to get there and have her say I'm expected to pay for it when she's expecting me. It's also a buffet brunch and I really don't think I'm going to eat $100 worth of food. If my family or friends suggested going there and I was just paying for myself I wouldn't do it
Lotsgoingon Posted March 8 Posted March 8 Play it calmly. "Hey, I just glanced at the brunch place you mentioned and it looks like brunch is a $100. Is that right?" See what she says. Do not hide your money reality. Nothing at all to be ashamed of if you can't and don't want to pay $100 for a brunch. This might just be a huge red flag that means you can end things with her right now. Or there could be a different part of the menu that you're not seeing or something like that. 1 1
Sony12 Posted March 8 Posted March 8 This lady is clearly looking for a guy with money and is weeding people out by suggesting they take her to expensive places. 1
ShyViolet Posted March 8 Posted March 8 It's bizarre that she would suggest a place that expensive, for only a 2nd date. I think she is testing you to see what your reaction would be, because she is looking for a man with money. Of course you should not agree to this. Spending that kind of money on a 2nd date for someone you barely know would be absolutely ridiculous. Speak up and tell her that you don't think it's the best idea to go somewhere so expensive. If she has a negative reaction to that, definitely don't go out with her at all. She's trying to use you. 2
enterthevoid Posted March 23 Posted March 23 (edited) Yeah, a 2nd date shouldn't be expensive. It was a mistake to agree, but the best thing you can do now is just Be honest. If you're going on a date you don't want to go on, and you're pretending to be okay with it, that's dishonest. Tell her something like "Hey, I'd love to go out with you, but I'm not sure if I feel comfortable spending $100+ on food right now.". If she actually likes you and is attracted to you, she'll be understanding. And if she's judgmental about it or rejects you on that, she's not a fit for you anyway. Edited March 23 by enterthevoid 1
Els Posted March 25 Posted March 25 On 3/8/2025 at 7:04 AM, max3732 said: Should I say something about it being a little much to eat and suggest another place nearby? Yes, of course. If she hasn't given you any indication otherwise, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that maybe she isn't aware of the prices, or she was intending to cover the cost. But regardless, you definitely should tell her that it's out of your price range and suggest a nearby place. If she flakes on you because of this, then good riddance. 1
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