Guinevere04 Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 I have been dating a guy for almost a year and a half. Love him, love him, love him. We fight like cats and dogs but have such a good time when we aren't arguing. It drives me nuts. We have probably broken up 10 times in the year and a 1/2 and always get back together because we are miserable without each other. He is the kindest and most caring person I have ever met and I have never felt closer to anyone in my life, even when I was married. He treats my son like his own and we are a family, when we are happy. Its just that we have a hard time getting along all the time and I am not sure if I just want perfection, that wont exist. So we broke up about a week ago (again) and one of my dearest friends that I lost contact with for the last five years, has called me. He and I have never been anything but friends and we have been friends for probably 15 or 16 years, I am only 31 so that's half of my life! Anyway, my friend told me that he was so happy to hear that my husband and I split a few years ago and he wanted me to know that he has always loved me and would I please give him a chance. He lives 3 hours away and we have always been separated by him being in the service or some obstacle. But we even kept tabs when he was in Japan. I just thought of him as a really good friend, and he obviously thought of me as more. My boyfriend (still call him that because we cant seem to officially break up) has three children, he has had a vesectomy so I know we can never have any children. (Not really a big factor on that, but I would like to at least have made that choice myself). And can have the worst attitude of anyone in the world and then be an angel 20 minutes later. He doesnt have the best job but money doesnt matter to me. I am so physically attracted to him that I cant stand it. My good friend, still 3 hours away, has never married, no kids and has a really good job and has always been very responsible. He has told me in just the few weeks that we caught back up that he had to leave my wedding because he couldnt handle it and that is why he moved. I think he is cute but I have never looked at him as anything more than friends so there really isnt a physical attraction yet. I think of him as a brother. Both guys have no problem with me having a child, and both love me. I love my boyfriend but I am not sure if we have a future because we cant get along. I have been a stepmother before and the thought of him having three children, scares me to death, even though that is hypocritical. In all the years that I have been friends with the other guy, we have never had a harsh word or disagreement and he is such a good listener. My boyfriend tends to give me attitude when I want to talk about things that are bothering me. They both have great points and I just dont know what to do. If I give my friend a shot, I will lose my boyfriend for ever. If I tell my friend that I want to work it out with my boyfriend, I am afraid that we will lose our friendship now that he has laid he feelings on the line. He said that he would always be my friend and wants me to be happy, whether that means being with him or not. It's terrible. I am talking to both of them and hoping they dont really know I am talking to the other. I care about them both but in different ways. I just wish there was a form to fill out and whoever had the best score, would "win". My head says my friend is the solid choice. My heart says my boyfriend is the gorgeous loving choice. I tend to make terrible decisions and this is the worst. Any advise, based on what I have said?
mel777 Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 As a mother myself I would stay away from anyone who I argued with to such an extent. Even if he's great in other areas it's not something I would want to subject my child to.
Gator762 Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Ouch. Really tough decision! For your friend, you will have to get over considering him like a brother. If you can't find him attractive, no matter how good of a friend he is, you'll have problems. Did you ever think he was attractive?
Author Guinevere04 Posted January 11, 2006 Author Posted January 11, 2006 I guess with some people you have an instant physical attration and some (since you know it's just friends), you dont. I think he is handsome and has the most beautiful light blue eyes I have ever seen. i just think it would be hard to see anyone the way I see my boyfriend, while I am still in love with my bf. My friend called me last night and said that he apologized for trying to jump back into my life so quick. He said the he could tell I really love my boyfriend even though he said my bf is not my type. He said that he wanted me to give my bf a chance and he would always be there for me, good, bad, black or white. I thought that was very sweet, but I feel bad I guess.
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