skeptik224 Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 I don't know how else to get in contact with you. You always give great advice...anyway you'd have time to check out some of my posts and let me know what you think?
riobikini Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Skeptic, I'm going to speak from my own experience, so be aware that my views are based on me and my very own set of personality traits and past circumstances, so only carefully relate it to this issue with your gf. I dated someone years ago, who was was a wonderful caring person but who ended up only being my TRANSITIONAL BF a little more than two years after the death of my husband. I didn't KNOW it was a transitional relationship. I had no clue what 'transitional' meant in regards to dating relationships. It had taken me two years to arrive at a place where my emotions were healthy enough to even begin to date again. At the time, I was more than ready to dive back into dating, although I knew I didn't want to be involved in anything serious immediately. I wanted to explore for awhile. And exploring is a natural instinct that puts you in new territory where you learn new things and your life experiences grow. I was uncomfortable with stepping back into the role of 'Mrs.' again, right away, as well as making any long-term serious commitment with my new BF. He became very hurt and confused. And he often sought to obtain the answers as to why I felt that way. Which irritated me and made me begin to feel a particular 'dread' when I knew we were going to be seeing each other. The almost tragic thing about all this was, is that I truly DID care about him deeply, but his expectation that I should make immediate choices and commitments concerning our relationship to more clearly define it (for him), really began to take it's toll on me....us. I realized that I could not be in that relationship, or any relationship that demanded commitment involving future life plans together with someone, and needed more time figuring out myself as a developing human being. Currently, with my present situation, I find myself drawing upon that experience from years ago, that helped me realize there is much about love that has more to do with giving you wings than taking them from you. Skeptik, I do not know whether I have helped you, but I can only hope I have helped you to see your girlfriend's situation through my eyes. She may love you more than she's willing to admit, and you may have great chemistry together, but if she's TRANSITIONING, it may be awhile before she's truly ready for anyone. Here's a hug for you: (Smile) Take Care. -Rio
riobikini Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 P.S. RE: Hey, Rio I don't know how else to get in contact with you. You always give great advice...anyway you'd have time to check out some of my posts and let me know what you think? Go to Yahoo Membership Directory...type in bluzbarbee in the search button...brings up profile page w/quotes/pic albums. etc. -Rio
Author skeptik224 Posted January 11, 2006 Author Posted January 11, 2006 Thank you, Rio, for taking the time out to give me your advice. I know it wasn't easy for you to open up like that to me. I will activate a Yahoo account and be in touch..
notmakingsense Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 Hey Rio -- I just found this post for the first time. Once again, another eerily similar circumstance to what I just went through. My exgf was just a year out of a 17 year marriage when we met. Our up and down cycles were marked with her withdrawals whenever she felt we were getting serious. She often told me that she wasn't ready, and that she didn't know if she could ever commit to anyone else again. Similar things would happen. I found myself getting hurt and confused, and she found herself dreading any seriousness from me. In the end, my patience only lasted for 2 years, when she once again withdrew as our 2 year anniversary approached -- and I said "enough." So.. my questions for you today: If you ran into this main again (assuming you are past your transition), would you two have a chance? Was he being unduly serious or needy, or now that you look back on it, was this a normal reaction from a man who was confronted with your elusiveness? Was the pain that was suffered too much to consider a reunification? Thanks -- NMS
riobikini Posted January 13, 2006 Posted January 13, 2006 Dear NMS, RE: So.. my questions for you today: If you ran into this main again (assuming you are past your transition), would you two have a chance? Was he being unduly serious or needy, or now that you look back on it, was this a normal reaction from a man who was confronted with your elusiveness? Was the pain that was suffered too much to consider a reunification? Thanks -- NMS I wish I could say, if I met him for the first time today, -we'd be married in 6 months. But the truth is, it was years ago, and my needs have changed, my knowledge of self is more exact, and my experiences have matured far beyond the level of comprehension and appreciation this fellow was capable of back then. He would be unable to relate to me, at all today; therefore, since really good communication and the intellectual thing is a significant factor for me, I would simply not be attracted to him. I do realize, however, that he may have changed over the years, -but I have no idea where to begin looking for him (he's probably married, by now, anyway), -and besides, I'm the kind of girl that rarely gives second chances with my heart to anyone. Let me say, though, that this fellow had a few strong points, and that he was rather talented in some areas that produce very warm memories. (Smile) I do hope he's happy wherever he is, -and hope someone has exchanged heart keys with him. -Rio
riobikini Posted January 16, 2006 Posted January 16, 2006 skeptik224, Give an update to your posts....-wondering how it's going with you. -Rio
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