D123456 Posted March 2 Posted March 2 Hello, my bf sent me the msg below and not sure what to say or do ‘Just to say I don’t know what the future holds and you are lovely I am not saying let’s stop but just want you to know I am figuring a couple things out personally at the moment’ Does he want to slow things down and eventually break up with me ? I felt so sad and shocked and stuck as to what to do. It doesn’t seem good. He sent this Thursday night. There has been no commutation there since. Please advise…
ShyViolet Posted March 2 Posted March 2 Did you respond? What did you say? My response to this would be "What is it you are trying to figure out?" However, yes it absolutely sounds like he is no longer sure about this relationship. I wouldn't want to be with someone who is unsure about me, who basically has one foot in and one foot out of the relationship. If I were you I would consider ending it myself if this guy continues to send cryptic texts like this and imply that he's not sure about the relationship. 1
Author D123456 Posted March 3 Author Posted March 3 Thank shy violet for your response. I appreciate it. I felt maybe he didn’t think the relationship was in a good space and wanted out. The only thing that confused me and didn’t tempt me to say ok I guess it’s over and wish him well and end things was him saying I am not saying let’s stop (ie relationship). So I thought maybe he needs a bit of space and if after a while he doesn’t respond to accept it’s over ?? I haven’t said anything yet. Wanted some advice first. I was kinda shocked to receive the msg. I know he has said he had mental health issues in the past, but anyhow I think I may just have to sadly leave things.
Author D123456 Posted March 3 Author Posted March 3 Not wholly sure SB2. I know he’s housing hunting and having issues with a lender but other than that no idea. I felt that maybe an excuse.
Els Posted March 3 Posted March 3 How long have you been dating this "bf"??? Are you long distance or do you live in the same location? It doesn't matter what he's thinking or going through, no decent person sends you crap like that over text and then just doesn't respond for days. This sort of thing warrants an in person talk, and even if you are long distance it should be over a call and not text. Considering how he's clearly shown you the importance of your relationship to him (or lack thereof), I'd tell him that he will have plenty of time to figure things out for himself now as a single man. 1
Author D123456 Posted March 3 Author Posted March 3 Hi ladies, thanks for the messages. Only a few months. He’s in the same city as me. He comes across as being insensitive from what’s happened for sure and I can see why it looks bad. But to be honest apart from this odd reaction in the majority things have been good most of the time where he is reliable, calls and messages and we meet and things are good. I find it all a bit odd. If you don’t want to be with someone why not just say it’s over? It’s a free country. The message to me indicates wanting space and distance, identifying uncertainty and same time he’s not saying it’s over. Anyhow, I’ll see if he attempts to call and or message in a day or two and if dies not I will know my answer. I am not gonna chase the guy down.
basil67 Posted March 4 Posted March 4 His message was certainly confusing. But equally confusing is that you didn't ask him what he meant and what this means for you
Pete55 Posted March 4 Posted March 4 i could well be wrong (and I hope I am) but it sounds to me like he's having second thoughts and he's trying to let you down gently by giving you this message as a precursor. He gives you a positive by saying you're 'lovely', and says he's not saying you should stop, but he just sounds really unsure. He might not be brave enough to know how to give you the bad news. I hope I'm wrong and he's just dealing with other personal issues. As you said though, it's a free country and you sound pretty understanding about it. Hope it all turns out well for you.
introverted1 Posted March 4 Posted March 4 He's letting you know he'd still like to continue having sex with you but you should be aware that he's not in it for the long haul. 2
Author D123456 Posted March 4 Author Posted March 4 Hi basil, thanks for your thoughts. I am meeting up with him for a drink tonight so I will ask see how he feels as I said I think it would help to have a chat and thankfully he agreed to that at least.
Author D123456 Posted March 4 Author Posted March 4 Hi Pete, thank you for your message and consideration of this. I hope it isn’t the end but I have a feeling everything you say on further reflection is probably right. He’s a good person inherently from what I have seen in the last few months. I’d like to be friends if not anything else. People change their minds and like you feel it’s their choice. It may upset me but I have to accept it. Can’t force someone to be with me if they don’t feel sure. I’ll find out more when I meet him tonight I guess
Author D123456 Posted March 4 Author Posted March 4 Hi introverted, thank you for your thoughts. We have not slept with each other as I didn’t want to rush anything and neither did he.
smackie9 Posted March 4 Posted March 4 Like I said on the other site...beat him to the punch and dump him before he can keep hoovering you back in for more bs.
Author D123456 Posted March 4 Author Posted March 4 Hey smackie ! Haha thanks for your advice. Sorry I couldn’t access the other website for some weird reason. We met up and he said he is happy to meet and speak, but not as much as before - until this flat purchase goes through as it’s a bit of a hassle for him he said. That could take another 3 months !!!! I kinda listened to what he said and didn’t say much. I kinda feel reassured he’s not dumping me at least, but will see how I feel in time. The spark has kinda dwindled for me by his text of late. Time will give me the answer on whether I am willing to slow down things or want to exit this process. I’d like to settle down and maybe he’s too emotional and sensitive for that. Doesn’t seem v resilient. He’s a lovely guy at least 1
Georgia46 Posted March 4 Posted March 4 On 3/2/2025 at 3:39 PM, D123456 said: Hello, my bf sent me the msg below and not sure what to say or do ‘Just to say I don’t know what the future holds and you are lovely I am not saying let’s stop but just want you to know I am figuring a couple things out personally at the moment’ Does he want to slow things down and eventually break up with me ? I felt so sad and shocked and stuck as to what to do. It doesn’t seem good. He sent this Thursday night. There has been no commutation there since. Please advise… He’s trying to possibly end things but is too gutless to come right out with it. But that’s how I’d take a message like that. sorry OP 1
basil67 Posted March 5 Posted March 5 I'd exit if I were you. Thing is, if a person is really into us, they make time to see us 1
Achelois Posted March 5 Posted March 5 (edited) It sounds to me like he could be dating someone, but he wants you to be there in case things don’t work out or he isn’t sure about the relationship but wants to keep you as a backup. In my opinion, when people have problems, they want emotional support from the partners, not space. That message is horrible. Just to say I don’t know what the future holds : He doesn’t know if he is going to be with you. and you are lovely: Is he serious? An estranger could tell you you’re “lovely”. Where are his feelings and the reason why he is with you? I am not saying let’s stop: Stay available for me in case I want to get back. but just want you to know I am figuring a couple things out personally at the moment: What couple of things?? You deserve an explanation I’m sorry Edited March 5 by Achelois
FredEire Posted March 5 Posted March 5 (edited) I think it's very common to get this kind of thing as a relationship is reaching its end. I remember receiving messages from my ex about "I don't feel myself anymore, I need time to figure things out", shortly before we broke up. For me it was a sign (among many others) that it just wasn't working. You deserve some explanation though, I think he wants to break up with you but he doesn't feel 100% sure or is afraid of the pain. Edited March 5 by FredEire
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