TannerSparks Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 What is it with people who b*tch, nag,whine and complain about how miserable their relationship is but refuse to do anything about it? I understand its good to vent or have others to talk to, but sheesh, where do you draw the line of listening to all the complaining? My sister who has been married for almost 15 years, is so unhappy. I'm here for her and all but its a never ending cycle. They have tried counseling before, several times, but the main thing is neither one of them is truly willing to do the work that needs to be done. She will call, email or come over telling me what her husband did or didn't do. What he said or didn't say etc etc. It gets really old. I have even offered my advice and opinon on the matter, and she will say all day long, she knows she needs to do etc, but doesn't. All she does is gripe about it. Why? She will say she doesn't stay for the kids, or that she can be independent, or that she knows she could find another if it didn't work out with her husband or that shes gonna leave etc, but she doesn't. I love her dearly but last time she got off on one of her tangents about her relationship with her husband, I fianlly just told her(in a nice but firm way) "Look, I love you, you're my sister, and I'm here for you, and I mean no disrespect, but all I hear is you whinning about how miserable you are. If you are that unhappy, get out of the situation, or accept the fact things are the way they are, and stop whinning and b*tching about it! People have given you lots of good advice, you either follow that or you don't. If you choose not too, thats fine but quit complaining about it." Needless to say she was shocked! I didn't want to hurt her at all. I was nice but firm and felt I got my point across, but I haven't heard from her in about 2 days now. I guess thats ok, because maybe she needs some time to absorb things I said, I dunno. I feel bad, but at the same time I felt she needed to hear it. Was I wrong? Why do some people complain about their relationships ALL THE TIME, but do nothing about it? Thanks in advance.
Mz. Pixie Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Some people just love to complain but it's hard to leave....... She's hoping he will change but he never does. There are very few women who just up and leave a man unless he's abusive or she has someone else. It's just HARD- emotionally, and financially and alot of people don't have it in them. I say that, having done it myself. I'm a toughie though.
JadeStar Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Hard to say why people complain and do nothing. Some people like the drama or maybe are used to it at least. There are some people who can say all day long they don't like the drama, and maybe they don't really, but to some people it might be what they have grwon accustomed too. I had a family memeber a few years back that admitted, they stay and/or complain about their bad situation because if it weren't for the drama they felt like they had nothing at all. Now personally I can't understand this, but to each their own. Possibly it comes from lack of self esteem. Jade
soar eyes Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Tannersparks, good for you. She probably needed to hear that from you. She knows you want the best for her. Hopefully it will jar her thinking to take action. Don't feel so bad. Its constructive to give your honest opinion.
Darkwall Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 TannerSparks, just out of curiousity... are you in a relationship? Because if you are you would know that it takes work. Didn't YOU say she tried counselling? I believe that is "doing something about it". Even though your sister has sought help it's hard to stop "whining" about something when it consumes all your thoughts. She is only human. Have you considered that the help and advice she has gotten has not helped her and is why she is still "whining"? While I agree with being firm with her... and she did need to hear that... I feel that as her sister and friend you should be more sympathetic to her feelings. Isn't that why you logged on to this forum. If you're feeling guilty it can only mean that you ARE guilty of something. P.S. it's always easier said than done.
TannerSparks Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Thanks for the replies. I agree that we do not know why people do what they do, stay in unhealthy situations, complain about them etc. It can just get old sometimes for the person doing the listening. Not that I don't love her and I'm here for her but there comes a time when people either, whats that saying, "Either sh*t or get off the pot" type thing. listen2u, yes I'm in a relationship, been married close to 20 years. I do know how it feels/works. However, there was a time when we hit a rough patch in our marriage, and I confided in friends/family as well. We also went to counseling. My point is, not once did me or my husband continuly complain to others like a broken record or sit back and do nothing about what was wrong in our marriage. We pulled together as a team and did the work that needed to be done. I'm not knocking my sister or anyone else for that matter. I guess it depends on the person and their situation. Which was the reason for my post, because I had never really be involved with or around someone who complained about things all the time, until my sisters situation. Yes I believe people handle things differently than others and possibly that some people may feel stronger at doing things or taken action on things than others. Her complaining and doing nothing about her situation was draining for me to hear all the time, thats all I'm saying. You are correct in saying that going to marriage counseling is"doing something about it" however, a counselor is only going to do but so much before the people involved have to do their part, in which my sisters case it seems she didn't nor take any advice others had given her. I gave her advice, so did other friends/family, and she even told me the things the counselor told them to try. NO to my knowledge it wasn't tried because if it was there might have been some kind of improvment in the marraige. She even told me her husband was not willing to try, so she wasn't either. but yet still complains. I will probably call her later on or at least by tomorrow to see how she is after I told her what I told her. I feel bad, yes but I think its what needed to be said.
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