Ex-girlfriend says she hates me and that I am the worst boyfriend she's ever had. 31(M) and 27(F)

[OfftheYak]

My girlfriend of two years broke up with me about a month ago as she claimed she was frustrated with the pace of the relationship and expressed that I did not make her feel like a priority. During the time of the breakup I saw a side of her that I have never seen before that was so angry and hurtful. She said such hurtful things like how I am not a real man, I will never get a quality woman because I am a clown, and had she no empathy for the fact I was getting laid off from my job all while this was happening. She has expressed before that she wanted me to be more affectionate and I admittedly am an avoidant attachment style. For about a week and a half after the breakup I tried to make amends and express how much I do care for her and that I was serious about making some internal changes to show her this. She expressed that she did still have feelings, but said some more hurtful things and said it would be best for us to go no contact for a bit. She was so emotional at the end of the breakup she said that she hated me too. Note I haven't cheated or done anything of that level to disrespect the relationship.

I am am upset that we ended on such bad terms and was really hurt about the things she said to me. I do still have feelings for her and admittedly made some selfish mistakes in the past that I was trying to apologize for. I have been in no contact now for about 3 weeks and it has been tough for me to stick to. How long should I wait before I do reach out again? Should I even reach out again? It hurts that someone I cared about so much thinks of me in such a negative light. I ultimately would love to have her back as my girlfriend, but at the minimum I would like to just be on good terms and have her appreciate the good times we have had together. Any advice, recommendations, or personal stories would be helpful.

[basil67]

38 minutes ago, OfftheYak said:

For about a week and a half after the breakup I tried to make amends and express how much I do care for her and that I was serious about making some internal changes to show her this.

Is this the first you'd heard of her wanting you to be more affectionate.....and whatever other issues there may have been?   If not, then trying to change after she's broken up with you is too late.    But if she'd never told you that she was unhappy, then this is a bullet dodged

[Gebidozo]

56 minutes ago, OfftheYak said:

Should I even reach out again?

Of course not.

 

56 minutes ago, OfftheYak said:

I ultimately would love to have her back as my girlfriend

I can’t imagine wanting to be with someone who calls me a clown, tells me that I’m not real man and that I’ll never “get a quality woman”, and says that she hates me and has no empathy for me. That kind of talk should kill off any remnants of love left.

Please continue the no contact and very soon you’ll realize how good it is that you’re no longer together with her.