lovers Posted February 26 Posted February 26 (edited) My mom and I used to be very close. She lives with me and im paying the bills. She doesnt drive so i would take her to errands and such which would give us alot of time to chat. My mom likes to gossip and thats how we bonded i now realized. couple months ago i heard from my sibling who i havent kept in touch with much told me that a relative told him i supposedly said something negative years back on a certain topic and there was anger on his side. The only person i talk to about that is my mom who usually brings it up. Nothing malicious probably overblown or lost in communication. I dont really care about how he feels about what i said years ago.what bothers me is the utter betrayal and lost of trust from my mom. All those times i talked to my mom she was probably gossiping about what i said or do to relatives. its been couple months now trying to process it that my mom is a two face person and willing to throw her own son under the bus to gossip. When im supporting her. I never once threw my mom under the bus about anything she ever said. From then on i feel like my mom is dead to me. I have caught my mom once on breaking my trust before but i forgave her but this one i dont think i can. It bothers me how much she betrayed me and ruined my trust. i cant have close of relationship with my mom anymore. I have been giving my mom the silent treatment and ignoring her existence for couple months now. If she asks me something i respond with yes, no, or i just flat out ignore her if its unnecessary questions. I cant have a real relationship with someone who is not loyal and cant trust. I feel like from here on out i cant really have a real relationship with my mom anymore. Feed her very basic superficial answers and dont tell her much of anything in my life now. Edited February 26 by lovers
Georgia46 Posted February 26 Posted February 26 5 hours ago, lovers said: My mom and I used to be very close. She lives with me and im paying the bills. She doesnt drive so i would take her to errands and such which would give us alot of time to chat. My mom likes to gossip and thats how we bonded i now realized. couple months ago i heard from my sibling who i havent kept in touch with much told me that a relative told him i supposedly said something negative years back on a certain topic and there was anger on his side. The only person i talk to about that is my mom who usually brings it up. Nothing malicious probably overblown or lost in communication. I dont really care about how he feels about what i said years ago.what bothers me is the utter betrayal and lost of trust from my mom. All those times i talked to my mom she was probably gossiping about what i said or do to relatives. its been couple months now trying to process it that my mom is a two face person and willing to throw her own son under the bus to gossip. When im supporting her. I never once threw my mom under the bus about anything she ever said. From then on i feel like my mom is dead to me. I have caught my mom once on breaking my trust before but i forgave her but this one i dont think i can. It bothers me how much she betrayed me and ruined my trust. i cant have close of relationship with my mom anymore. I have been giving my mom the silent treatment and ignoring her existence for couple months now. If she asks me something i respond with yes, no, or i just flat out ignore her if it’s unnecessary questions. I cant have a real relationship with someone who is not loyal and cant trust. I feel like from here on out i cant really have a real relationship with my mom anymore. Feed her very basic superficial answers and dont tell her much of anything in my life now. Can you just clarify what it was you think your mother repeated to a relative? Was it that bad? the reason I ask is you only get one mother…. And if you were very close.. it’d be such a shame to not have a relationship with her. all I can say is time sure flies by and I’d be devastated to lose touch with my mother. but it’s your call
basil67 Posted February 26 Posted February 26 I'm also confused. You supposedly said something which upset a family member. How is your mother connected to this?
Author lovers Posted February 26 Author Posted February 26 1 hour ago, basil67 said: I'm also confused. You supposedly said something which upset a family member. How is your mother connected to this? my mom communicates with that side of the family much more than I do which is very minimal. So she is the only person to have told them. I don't think I said anything particularly bad but its regards to a relatives profession. It is a topic we have discussed before between my mom and I which she brang up. I am thinking my mom may have embellish a bit saying that I said so and so profession she is pursuing sucks or bad choice. I am not sure exactly what was said. The one thing I do know tho is the conversation I had with my mom wasn't just between my mom and I. She was telling relatives what I supposedly said which is what angers me the most. The utter betrayal and lost of trust. Its hard to have a relationship with someone that I can't even trust anymore.
Author lovers Posted February 26 Author Posted February 26 4 hours ago, Georgia46 said: Can you just clarify what it was you think your mother repeated to a relative? Was it that bad? the reason I ask is you only get one mother…. And if you were very close.. it’d be such a shame to not have a relationship with her. all I can say is time sure flies by and I’d be devastated to lose touch with my mother. but it’s your call yeah I am devastated too. I would love to have a relationship with my mom, but how can i have a relationship with someone who loves to gossip and repeatedly broken my trust and willing to throw me under the bus. I don't think it was anything that bad but my mom may have said things that i supposedly said that was lost in translation saying so and so profession sucks. Honestly thats the only thing I found out about from someone else. For all I know all the years I talked to my mom in private she may have gossiped about what I said or do to everyone else. That to me bothers me the most.
Georgia46 Posted February 26 Posted February 26 41 minutes ago, lovers said: yeah I am devastated too. I would love to have a relationship with my mom, but how can i have a relationship with someone who loves to gossip and repeatedly broken my trust and willing to throw me under the bus. I don't think it was anything that bad but my mom may have said things that i supposedly said that was lost in translation saying so and so profession sucks. Honestly thats the only thing I found out about from someone else. For all I know all the years I talked to my mom in private she may have gossiped about what I said or do to everyone else. That to me bothers me the most. I’d give her one more chance. Explain that it really matters to you that she doesn’t repeat anything you tell her in private. but don’t completely give up on her.
Gebidozo Posted February 27 Posted February 27 50 minutes ago, lovers said: yeah I am devastated too. I would love to have a relationship with my mom, but how can i have a relationship with someone who loves to gossip and repeatedly broken my trust and willing to throw me under the bus. I don't think it was anything that bad but my mom may have said things that i supposedly said that was lost in translation saying so and so profession sucks. Honestly thats the only thing I found out about from someone else. For all I know all the years I talked to my mom in private she may have gossiped about what I said or do to everyone else. That to me bothers me the most. I’m sure she gossiped and told things to other people. But if I had such a strong reaction every time my mother gossiped or told someone something about someone, there would be no relationship between us at all. My mother pretty much complains to everyone about everyone. I’ve long stopped disclosing my real opinions to her about a range of issues, from personal feelings about family members to politics and religion. It’s just what it is. Mothers aren’t best friends that you trust with your secrets and intimate thoughts. If you don’t want her to tell others the stuff that you’ve told her, simply don’t tell her stuff you don’t want others to hear. But terminating your relationship is overkill. You might regret it later, and guilt isn’t pretty.
Author lovers Posted February 27 Author Posted February 27 1 hour ago, Gebidozo said: I’m sure she gossiped and told things to other people. But if I had such a strong reaction every time my mother gossiped or told someone something about someone, there would be no relationship between us at all. My mother pretty much complains to everyone about everyone. I’ve long stopped disclosing my real opinions to her about a range of issues, from personal feelings about family members to politics and religion. It’s just what it is. Mothers aren’t best friends that you trust with your secrets and intimate thoughts. If you don’t want her to tell others the stuff that you’ve told her, simply don’t tell her stuff you don’t want others to hear. But terminating your relationship is overkill. You might regret it later, and guilt isn’t pretty. yeah honestly i was just very oblivious because its not like i see my mom gossip to other people. I thought she was just gossiping with me since I am her son and she lives with me. So I was pretty shocked and felt betrayed when I found out my mom has been doing that to me behind my back. Its one thing to tell other immediate family members like my dad or my siblings but to tell personal stuff like that to cousins shows no boundaries. One thing is for sure is I wouldn't be as close with my mom anymore and tell her everything. Just basic superficial stuff I would not care if she leaks it nor would I really engage in conversation with her anymore. I am trying to get over it, but I view my mom differently now.
Author lovers Posted February 27 Author Posted February 27 2 hours ago, Georgia46 said: I’d give her one more chance. Explain that it really matters to you that she doesn’t repeat anything you tell her in private. but don’t completely give up on her. I don't think I can talk to her the same anymore. Its like your spouse who you close to and talk to then you found out your spouse been telling everyone what you say or do behind your back. Then someone you don't talk to that much tells you oh I heard you been saying this and that. Feel betrayed. Don't think I will ever have same relationship with my mom ever again. Just like a distant cousin now who you barely talk to.
Georgia46 Posted February 27 Posted February 27 7 hours ago, lovers said: I don't think I can talk to her the same anymore. Its like your spouse who you close to and talk to then you found out your spouse been telling everyone what you say or do behind your back. Then someone you don't talk to that much tells you oh I heard you been saying this and that. Feel betrayed. Don't think I will ever have same relationship with my mom ever again. Just like a distant cousin now who you barely talk to. I get you. but it’s such a shame. How about speaking to her explaining you weren’t happy about what she said to the relative and seeing how it goes going forward. 1
ShyViolet Posted March 1 Posted March 1 On 2/26/2025 at 7:56 AM, lovers said: couple months ago i heard from my sibling who i havent kept in touch with much told me that a relative told him i supposedly said something negative years back on a certain topic Are you kidding? This sounds like a game of telephone. Someone told someone who told someone that you supposedly said this thing. Don't you know that in a game of telephone, the message usually gets exaggerated as it gets filtered through each person? On 2/26/2025 at 5:53 PM, lovers said: I don't think it was anything that bad but my mom may have said things that i supposedly said that was lost in translation saying so and so profession sucks. Honestly thats the only thing I found out about from someone else. For all I know all the years I talked to my mom in private she may have gossiped about what I said or do to everyone else. It sounds like you don't even know for sure what was said. You are just assuming and jumping to conclusions based on very vague information. Have you even talked to your mom directly about this? Do you really feel that it's worth throwing away your relationship with your mom over something that you don't even know for sure happened and are only assuming and speculating?
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