GiveAndTake Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 I was stood up last night, for the second time. We've been dating only a few weeks. I know he likes me (he told my best friend's guy that he's crazy about me and isn't sure how I feel ) but he's playing major games. Possibly to try to hook me. I'm not sure. Should I..... 1. Ignore his calls 2. Answer his calls and tell him I'm done. I'm not playing this game with him. 3. Answer his calls and act as though it doesn't bother me being stood up? Which would get the most out of this game player? I wish it wasn't over (I really like him) but I'm coming to the realization that is should be.
slubberdegullion Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Welcome to This Relationship is F@cked! This is Bob Barker. Now, our contestants have three choices:Ignore his callsAnswer his calls and tell him I'm done. I'm not playing this game with him.Answer his calls and act as though it doesn't bother me being stood up? Our first contestant is Bumblefutz from New Jersey. Bumblefutz, what's your answer? uh, I'll take 1 for $200. Thank you, Bumblefutz. Our second contestant is Lumpybottom from St Petersburg, Florida. Lumpybottom, what's your answer? <wheeze>I'll take 1 for $600, Bob *kaff kaff* Thank you, Lumpy. Our third and final contestant is GiveandTake, from parts unknown. GiveandTake, what's your answer? I think 2 makes sense. I'll take 2 for $1000. *DING DING DING DING DING DING * GiveandTake, you're RIGHT! Bumblefutz and Lumpybottom, thanks for playing, here's a copy of the home game. So, GiveandTake, why did you pick #2? Oh, I'm not sure, really, I just think it's the best option. Well, you're ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!! You let him know once, and once only, that you won't be trifled with in such a manner, and if he's interested in maintaining the relationship, he'll show you more respect. But if he continues to play games, then you already have your answer. GiveandTake, thank you for playing This Relationship is F@cked! Don't forget to tune in tomorrow for the wacky new game show, You Bet Your Vasectomy! I'm Bob Barker, reminding you to, uh, oh, I forget... nevermind. Bye now! 1
cygny Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 what did you do the first time he stood you up?
lilmoma1973 Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Because you are playing the player's game make him chase you .. They like a challenge and you aren't being a challenge.. Trust me it works they want what they can't have and now you are making yourself to available.. Ignore his calls and all do your own thing.. He will fall to your feet ..
Author GiveAndTake Posted January 10, 2006 Author Posted January 10, 2006 First off, thank you all for responding. Slubb, you are too funny. (you cheered me up anyway) To answer you cygny, what I did on the first stand up was play it cool. Didn't act like it was big deal. It wasn't a real set date however. It was kind of a 'I'll call ya later' thing. (it was the night before last though, which is why last night's blatant stand up was so 'in my face') He was pretty weird though when we finally did speak after the first 'stand up'. He was instigating an argument until I finally hung up. He called me the next day acting like he didn't understand why I was upset. So I let it go. Then of course, there was last night's stand up which is why I wrote here. Anyway, he finally called at about 2 this afternoon (I answered) and he was acting as if nothing happened. I stopped him from his idle chat and said "what happened last night?" His response was "I fell asleep, sorry". As you can imagine, I was pissed. I told him I felt stood up and it was unacceptable and he played it cool still and said "sorry, I haven't felt that great lately, I think I'm sick. etc...." I didn't know what to say so I just cut the conversation short and said I had another call and "I'll call ya back or IM you" He said, "call me back" We hung up. It's almost 4 now , he has tried IM'g me at about 2:30 (I'm invisible so he doesn't know I'm on) So far, I've ignored the IM's and still haven't called. That's where we're at.....
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Don't play games back. If you like him and want to see how things work out JUST BE HONEST and tell him all that you're feeling. You have nothing to lose as it hasn't gotten serious yet. But you also don't want to waste your time on someone who isn't interested in a relationship. Call him and talk it out.
witabix Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Don't play games back. If you like him and want to see how things work out JUST BE HONEST and tell him all that you're feeling. You have nothing to lose as it hasn't gotten serious yet. But you also don't want to waste your time on someone who isn't interested in a relationship. Call him and talk it out. Yes, WWIU, exactly the response I was going to give when I read the original post. The best way to play a player is not to play. Playing mind games is not cool, and its not big. It only serves to hurt. I have a funny feeling that is its major purpose, who can hurt the other more. Don't do it, don't let other people do it to you. So in conclusion, the answer is ..... I'll let you figure it out. If you don't by now that means you don't love me enough........ Sound familiar anyone?
cygny Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 my own experience is that trying to talk it out will only begin an argument. the other person wants a reaction from you that's why he did it in the first place. either that or he just doesn't respect anybody else's time and has a very casual attitude to plans that have been made. you could just not call him back. if he calls you, say you have to go, don't act like nothing is wrong because that tells him you have no boundaries. but don't act mad either. just get off the phone, politely. if he asks you what is wrong, THEN i would tell him--"we had plans, you stood me up, and you didn't apologise until i brought it to your attention. that's not ok with me, so let's just cool it." he can then decide if he wants to make it up to you or not. if he never does the above, he's probably looking for the next female to play games with. are you exclusive? game players usually aren't.
Gator762 Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Well, I'm in agreement with Witabix, games suck. As a guy, nothing bothers me more than mind games. I have little patience when it comes to that. He could have been just sick. You don't know. I'd let him call you back - you not calling him is enough to know you're not as hot about him, and will make you more desireable. You said the first wasn't so much a date, so he really may like you, and really may have been sick! I'm hoping a woman will call me back to go out this week - I told her my schedule wasn't busy this week. Just this morning I woke up feeling pretty sick, and extra work came up! Doh! So much for figuring my weekdays were available. Ya never know.
cygny Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 feeling sick is no excuse for not calling to let you know. but in all this i'm assuming he had asked you for a real date?
Author GiveAndTake Posted January 10, 2006 Author Posted January 10, 2006 We have spent every day together since we started dating. Yes, we've gone out on dates. We've barely been apart. (maybe that scared him, I don't know) I had a post about how we got together which I posted the other day. (that's when I started feeling his change) It's a long post but if you're interested, this is the link http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t78829/ I really appreciate all the help from all of you. This forum has been very helpful through this crappy new relationship..lol
cygny Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 ooh sorry giveandtake--read your post-- all i can do is relate your experience to my own experiences. in the past when a guy has done that to me it wasn't so much a player playing games as a narcissist wanting attention and going about it in a passive-aggressive way. he really messed my life up because he kept throwing me off balance. there was no talking that helped, nothing i did, it just kept getting worse. if this is what you've got, and it sounds like it, i'd advise running for the hills, pronto. by the way, you said that when you met him he had an on-again, off-again girlfriend. be careful, because i think you are now going to be her.
JS17 Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 We have spent every day together since we started dating. Yes, we've gone out on dates. We've barely been apart. (maybe that scared him, I don't know) I have a friend like this. He'll spend every waking minute with a girl for like 2 weeks then toss her.
rz9034 Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Because you are playing the player's game make him chase you .. They like a challenge and you aren't being a challenge.. Trust me it works they want what they can't have and now you are making yourself to available.. Ignore his calls and all do your own thing.. He will fall to your feet .. or more likely he will drop you on your rump and you'll be scratching your head wondering what happened. I will agree with 'whichwayisup'...people dont like being played and trying that game back on him wouldnt work
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