zsla Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 Quote I need some help with my situation. I turn 20 in 10 days and 1 year and 3 months ago my first love and girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. The breakup was 100% valid and i deserved it, i wasn't very good of a boyfriend for her. So she blocked me everywhere and then she unblocked me randomly around 5-6 months after blocking me everywhere. How i found out she unblocked me was because i still sent her whatsapp messages from time to time( i thought i was blocked i just wrote my feelings ). We talked for 2 days, the first say she told me she loved me, we talked and cried together about how everything went. The second they she was very cold hearted and blocked me again. Then a week ago the same thing happend. She unblocked me on everything except whatsapp. I had accidentally called her thats how i saw that i was unblocked. Then she unblocked me on whatsapp and told me she had a boyfriend now. I was very broken after hearing this but didn't react since i just wanted her to be happy. 5 days later she sent me a message telling me she broke up with her boyfriend and asked me if i did anything to him or talked to him at all which i didn't. Then we again talked about how much we loved each other and missed each other and she asked me to go out to eat. A couple days later I'm about to leave and she tells me that she is just meeting me so i could get some closure and for no other reason. I found this weird because i never asked for closure and i never went out of my way to contact her after she blocked me. So i went to her and picked her up at her school. We sat in my car cuddled a bit held each others hand and talked. I cried a lot, she cried a little to and told me she didn't want to be together. I do admit i haven't healed at all since she left me 1 year and 3 months ago. Ive been going to therapy but still i miss her almost as much as the day she left. What should i do now? I'm blocked again. I never asked her to unblock me. When i asked her why she unblocked me she told me that she unblocked everyone in her contact's. I find that hard to believe because she also unblocked me on instagram. What do i do now? I feel empty after seeing her again after such a long time. (Sorry for my bad English its not my native language) Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 1 hour ago, zsla said: What do i do now? Delete her everywhere, block her if you need to - and quit letting her back into your life. I know it hurts but you haven't really been doing enough to let go. You keep trying to nudge the door back open and you keep getting hurt. You are probably not having much success with therapy because you keep standing in your own way and not doing what you need to do to properly heal. Until you really stop all communication with her, you will only prolong your own pain and avoid really facing reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zsla Posted February 22 Author Share Posted February 22 2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Delete her everywhere, block her if you need to - and quit letting her back into your life. I know it hurts but you haven't really been doing enough to let go. You keep trying to nudge the door back open and you keep getting hurt. You are probably not having much success with therapy because you keep standing in your own way and not doing what you need to do to properly heal. Until you really stop all communication with her, you will only prolong your own pain and avoid really facing reality. Im so scared about the thought of never talking to her again. Even if talking to her messes me up so much mentaly i cant handle the thought of blocking her and never talking to her again. I know its the correct thing to do but i just cant bring myself to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 You need to find a way to do block her. When it's done, be prepared that you will grieve the relationship but know the sun will shine again when you're over it Link to post Share on other sites
Author zsla Posted February 22 Author Share Posted February 22 4 minutes ago, basil67 said: You need to find a way to do block her. When it's done, be prepared that you will grieve the relationship but know the sun will shine again when you're over it It's been so long and it still haven't gotten better. I'm scared that I'll never get over her. I also really cant bring myself to block her. Im scared that one day she may need me and i wont be there, even if it costs me my mental health. I regret the things I've done during our relationship so so much. Even if i block her i always unblock her after a day. But i also want to get over her. I also dont want to get over her and be together again and fix my mistakes. I feel so alone and broken. I dont know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 If you can't do what you need to do, perhaps you need therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 6 hours ago, zsla said: I do admit i haven't healed at all since she left me 1 year and 3 months ago. Ive been going to therapy but still i miss her almost as much as the day she left. The reason for this is you haven't let yourself move on at all, with continuing to message her, call her, constantly checking to see if you're blocked or unblocked, meeting up. This is not what moving on looks like. She doesn't want to be with you anymore, she's made that clear. Now you need to stop keeping yourself tied to this. 7 minutes ago, zsla said: Im scared that one day she may need me and i wont be there, even if it costs me my mental health. I know this may be hard for you to hear but she doesn't need you. She has moved on a lot more than you have. It's not your job to "be there" for her. It doesn't even sound like that's something she would want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Carlston Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 Get a new therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 49 minutes ago, zsla said: I regret the things I've done during our relationship so so much. Even if i block her i always unblock her after a day. But i also want to get over her. I also dont want to get over her and be together again and fix my mistakes. What things do you regret doing? And what reasons did she give for ending it? I'm wondering if the reality is that you were a perfectly normal boyfriend but the relationship had simply run it's course Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 23 Share Posted February 23 7 hours ago, zsla said: It's been so long and it still haven't gotten better. Well, of course not - you keep trying to contact her and you keep letting her back in your life. What did you think this would mean for your healing? 7 hours ago, zsla said: Im scared that one day she may need me and i wont be there This is not likely. Why? Because the painful reality is that she will find another boyfriend, and it will be him she turns to. It won't be you she comes looking for in a time of need. She hasn't needed you since she broke up with you. She looked for you when she was single, but that was about it. That isn't "needing" you This is merely an excuse you're giving yourself to avoid cutting her off, because that seems too scary and will make the ending too real. But it's already over, man. It has been for a long time. 7 hours ago, zsla said: I dont know what to do You do, but you won't do it. Unless and until you bring yourself to stop all contact, nobody else can help you. A therapist can't help you if you won't help yorself, either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 4 hours ago, Bored Bear said: Don't you think the whole blocking and unblocking thing is so immature. Not if you want to keep the person out of your life and block them permanently, no. Link to post Share on other sites
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