Max4 Posted February 22 Posted February 22 When I witness someone hitting on someone in public...90-95% of the time it is a man hitting on a woman...rather than a woman hitting on a man...at least when it comes to heterosexuals. However...when I ask couples whose idea their relationships was...only about two thirds of the time do they tell me that the relationship was HIS idea. I can only conclude that women DO approach men...they are just more shy about it...and prefer to approach their crush when no one else is around. How do women go about approaching? And yes...I am asking because I do not know. Max
glows Posted February 22 Posted February 22 I guess I have been blessed to have been approached by my crushes, one I married, some I dated. I would think it’s just about being sociable and approachable. I don’t know if it’s an engendered thing but who feels emboldened first. And don’t be shy to strike up a conversation or compliment someone. I do this equally for everyone not just men so I do not always realize I’d im coming across as “approaching”. Maybe I have approached someone in the past and didn’t realize it but I have not asked a guy out.
Gebidozo Posted February 22 Posted February 22 I’m a man and I have been “approached” several times, in the sense that women told me they liked me or wanted to go out for a dinner or something like that before I said or did anything. However, those would probably account for only about 5% of direct approaches that happened in my life. The other 95% were done by me. I think there is absolutely nothing wrong when a woman approaches first, but it is just a fact of life that men are more active and do this more often. That said, the above only applies to direct approaches. As in, actively asking a person out, telling them they are cute, landing the first kiss, etc. As a rule, instead of doing that, women prefer to give you hints, signs that they are interested and are responding to what you’re initiating. Those signals aren’t always 100% clear to everyone, they can be misleading, and we need some experience to learn what they are, but they are there. I’ve asked several women what they do when they have a crush on a man. All of them said that they don’t do much beyond giving certain indirect signals that they would be interested. Most of them said that whenever they had a crush on a man that man also had a crush on them, so all they needed to do was respond to the man’s advances.
basil67 Posted February 22 Posted February 22 (edited) Woman here. I have made my intentions clear to men, but only men I know. I have never approached a man I don't know in public, just as I would not want a man I don't know to approach me in public Edited February 22 by basil67 1
Mrin Posted February 23 Posted February 23 "Women are the gatekeepers to sex. Men are the gatekeepers to relationship" I love that saying and I think there is a lot of truth to it. That might address your original point about relationships usually being his idea.
Els Posted February 23 Posted February 23 On 2/22/2025 at 10:16 AM, Max4 said: When I witness someone hitting on someone in public Well, you've answered your own question here, haven't you? Generally, I think hitting on strangers in public is a terrible idea. But for some reason, men are more likely to think that it's a good idea than women. It'd be interesting to see statistics on how often these "cold approaches" work out - I've never seen a real life case working out personally, it seems to just be a Hollywood fantasy.
Gebidozo Posted February 23 Posted February 23 36 minutes ago, Els said: Well, you've answered your own question here, haven't you? Generally, I think hitting on strangers in public is a terrible idea. But for some reason, men are more likely to think that it's a good idea than women. It'd be interesting to see statistics on how often these "cold approaches" work out - I've never seen a real life case working out personally, it seems to just be a Hollywood fantasy. I had this college classmate who was known for “scoring” a lot with girls. We couldn’t understand that because he was neither particularly nice, talented, intelligent, funny, charming, or good-looking. So one day we asked him how he did it. He said he was spending several hours in the subway, asking random women whether they wanted to sleep with him. He said 1 out of a 100 would say “yes”. I guess some guys just don’t mind being vulgar and offensive and getting brutally rejected and ridiculed by most sane people, only to have sex with someone. 1
Author Max4 Posted February 23 Author Posted February 23 2 hours ago, Els said: Well, you've answered your own question here, haven't you? Generally, I think hitting on strangers in public is a terrible idea. But for some reason, men are more likely to think that it's a good idea than women. It'd be interesting to see statistics on how often these "cold approaches" work out - I've never seen a real life case working out personally, it seems to just be a Hollywood fantasy. Is it still a cold approach is she sends you a signal...like by waving or smiling at you? I had a woman wave at me once...unfortunately I was in a hurry and haven't seen her since.
glows Posted February 23 Posted February 23 41 minutes ago, Max4 said: Is it still a cold approach is she sends you a signal...like by waving or smiling at you? I had a woman wave at me once...unfortunately I was in a hurry and haven't seen her since. It’s probably a cold approach in the sense that the woman never invited any romantic advances. She could just be friendly to everyone. It could be mistaken for romantic interest. I was out one day and enjoying the scenery when a man thought it was a nice idea to ask me out for a drink. I didn’t notice him at all but must have looked in his general direction at some point. Maybe I even smiled because I’m usually smiling. I felt uncomfortable for a split second but he was extremely polite and gracious so we talked for awhile. You can’t really go wrong with that so even if someone declines or isn’t interested, just be respectful and polite. There’s nothing wrong with that, imo 1
basil67 Posted February 23 Posted February 23 To echo @glows, I'm also a smiley person. I tend to smile at anyone who catches my eye - man, woman or child. It's not an expression of interest
Els Posted February 24 Posted February 24 On 2/23/2025 at 11:59 PM, Max4 said: Is it still a cold approach is she sends you a signal...like by waving or smiling at you? I had a woman wave at me once...unfortunately I was in a hurry and haven't seen her since. Yes. Most people smile to be friendly/polite, not to express interest. As for waving, are you sure she wasn't waving at anyone else? It's weird for someone to wave at a person they've literally never spoken to. IMO the only way a cold approach would have a chance of working is if something happened organically, like you two chatted in the queue, or you helped her pick up something, and it led to a conversation that felt good and natural. But in that case it's no longer a "cold" approach, so...
Author Max4 Posted February 24 Author Posted February 24 1 hour ago, Els said: As for waving, are you sure she wasn't waving at anyone else? Have to wait until the next time to find out.
flitzanu Posted February 26 Posted February 26 On 2/21/2025 at 6:16 PM, Max4 said: When I witness someone hitting on someone in public...90-95% of the time it is a man hitting on a woman...rather than a woman hitting on a man...at least when it comes to heterosexuals. However...when I ask couples whose idea their relationships was...only about two thirds of the time do they tell me that the relationship was HIS idea. I can only conclude that women DO approach men...they are just more shy about it...and prefer to approach their crush when no one else is around. these are two very different things. someone hitting on someone in public is one thing. asking couples who's idea the relationship is...is completely different than "hitting on someone in public" -- and maybe you're trying to associate the fact that people are in a relationship that the guy "hit on her in public" but that might not be accurate.
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