cengl Posted February 18 Posted February 18 Hello, I'll try to keep this as short as possible... Over a month ago, I met a beautiful girl at an event. She was the one who approached me first and gave me her number without me even asking. The next day, I called her and invited her out. She hesitated and said she wanted to text first to get to know me. We texted for over a month. Sometimes she replied instantly, but most of the time, it took her almost a day, sometimes a few days, and once nearly two weeks. When I asked her if she actually wanted to move things forward and if she was interested, she said yes. Recently, we had a late-night call which lasted for around one hour. We agreed to call again in a few days and set up a meeting. So I called her, but she didn’t pick up. I waited 48 hours, and there was no response from her. I was completely fed up with this, so I deleted her number and blocked her on social media. Almost a day later, she called me, asking why I did that. I was out with friends at the time, so we only talked for a few minutes and I asked if we could discuss it the next evening and she agreed. That evening she just sent me a text saying she couldn't talk. I simply replied that she could reach out when she was available. Did I do something wrong? I feel really frustrated and I can't get this girl out of my head. How should I even understand behaviour of this girl?
smackie9 Posted February 18 Posted February 18 (edited) The only thing you did wrong was not cutting her off the min she said no to a date, that she needed to get to know you better. That's crap. You get to know someone by going out on dates. You ended up being her bloody penpal at her convenience. Lose her number, she's a waste of time. Edited February 18 by smackie9 2
ShyViolet Posted February 18 Posted February 18 She's playing games and she's not really interested. Or maybe she thinks "playing hard to get" is a legitimate strategy, but it's not. Most people wouldn't have patience for this. Forget her and stop trying to communicate with her. 2
Georgia46 Posted February 18 Posted February 18 We always want people who are bad for us! id go with the others advice on this one though and keep it moving. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted February 18 Posted February 18 The basic rule here applies. If you have to ask, that means the other person is NOT interested. Men and women make it clear--very clear--when they are interested in us. BTW: you totally wasted time texting her. Total waste of time. And when she disappeared for 2 weeks, that was you cue that she wasn't interested. Would you go two weeks in replying to someone if you were interested in them? You, you wouldn't. Read the cues next time. 4
lemonicetea Posted February 19 Posted February 19 I honestly believe if somebody takes longer than a day or two to respond to you (unless you know they are out of the country or something) then they are not interested in you. 2
glows Posted February 19 Posted February 19 It’s possible she was just pulling guys using her phone number and having them on her socials as an ego boost but not intending to ever date them. I hear that’s what the younger generations are doing most of the time with numerous people they’re talking to on the go and none of it ever intending to go anywhere and lots of imaginary situationships. I feel bad for you and probably makes me wonder why men in general can be so toxic as well in the dating scene. Don’t let this person ruin dating for you. One of the red flags and tell tale signs you’re dealing with someone who is a bit immature is when they won’t agree to go on a date within a few days. Adding you on socials and talking for over a month texting without going on dates are red flags. You both should have been getting to know each other in person as well. IMO she’s just far too immature to be dating. It’s best to move on from this and I think you dodged a bullet. 2
FredEire Posted February 19 Posted February 19 8 hours ago, glows said: It’s possible she was just pulling guys using her phone number and having them on her socials as an ego boost but not intending to ever date them. I hear that’s what the younger generations are doing most of the time with numerous people they’re talking to on the go and none of it ever intending to go anywhere and lots of imaginary situationships. I feel bad for you and probably makes me wonder why men in general can be so toxic as well in the dating scene. Don’t let this person ruin dating for you. One of the red flags and tell tale signs you’re dealing with someone who is a bit immature is when they won’t agree to go on a date within a few days. Adding you on socials and talking for over a month texting without going on dates are red flags. You both should have been getting to know each other in person as well. IMO she’s just far too immature to be dating. It’s best to move on from this and I think you dodged a bullet. Indeed, especially with OLD the fantasy often seems to be far more comfortable than the reality. I don't know how many times I seemed to be having a good chat with someone and then when I suggest let's meet up for a coffee sometime, nothing. Almost every time I've ended up dating someone for a while there was no ambiguity beforehand. If you're twisting yourself up in knots over their mixed levels of interest it's usually not a good sign. 2
glows Posted February 21 Posted February 21 On 2/19/2025 at 7:18 AM, FredEire said: Indeed, especially with OLD the fantasy often seems to be far more comfortable than the reality. I don't know how many times I seemed to be having a good chat with someone and then when I suggest let's meet up for a coffee sometime, nothing. Almost every time I've ended up dating someone for a while there was no ambiguity beforehand. If you're twisting yourself up in knots over their mixed levels of interest it's usually not a good sign. People use OLD as a form of escapism too. A coping method after a break up is one. Or coping mechanism for someone working in a remote far off town with no one to talk to. Unless your accounts are flagged for something egregious no one is monitoring the people that sign up and it’s interesting seeing the same account and same photos after I’ve repeatedly blocked someone. People make multiple accounts to bypass security. It becomes a rather tepid cesspool. It’s an easy way to talk to people without being truly authentic and for those who are sincerely looking for something more than that it can be frustrating. There are good ones though! I have met some great people via OLD but we are not on the same wavelength on a more personal level. 1
FredEire Posted February 21 Posted February 21 (edited) 16 minutes ago, glows said: People use OLD as a form of escapism too. A coping method after a break up is one. Or coping mechanism for someone working in a remote far off town with no one to talk to. Unless your accounts are flagged for something egregious no one is monitoring the people that sign up and it’s interesting seeing the same account and same photos after I’ve repeatedly blocked someone. People make multiple accounts to bypass security. It becomes a rather tepid cesspool. It’s an easy way to talk to people without being truly authentic and for those who are sincerely looking for something more than that it can be frustrating. There are good ones though! I have met some great people via OLD but we are not on the same wavelength on a more personal level. Yeah, it's a bit of a drag for anyone who's on there to actually meet someone and not as a coping mechanism or a bit of attention and a time pass. It also seems like commonly people on the apps are just getting over the last situationship that didn't work out and are looking to go on dates to heal the wound and/or hop straight into a new one or are seeing god knows how many people as a kind of interview process. I'd be the first to admit that I was involved myself in some of this kind of thing in the past, but it gets very tiresome for everyone involved. I want something more genuine or it's not worth the time and emotional investment. Edited February 21 by FredEire 1
glows Posted February 21 Posted February 21 9 hours ago, FredEire said: Yeah, it's a bit of a drag for anyone who's on there to actually meet someone and not as a coping mechanism or a bit of attention and a time pass. It also seems like commonly people on the apps are just getting over the last situationship that didn't work out and are looking to go on dates to heal the wound and/or hop straight into a new one or are seeing god knows how many people as a kind of interview process. I'd be the first to admit that I was involved myself in some of this kind of thing in the past, but it gets very tiresome for everyone involved. I want something more genuine or it's not worth the time and emotional investment. completely agree and I’ve been guilty too. I’m in the same boat! I hope you find what you’re looking for.
FredEire Posted February 21 Posted February 21 3 hours ago, glows said: completely agree and I’ve been guilty too. I’m in the same boat! I hope you find what you’re looking for. Thanks! Unfortunately I think in my generation (Probably the first who were on OLD from a young age) there tends to be a lot of kidults who are quite immature and overall not that considerate or emotionally intelligent. What I'm realising is if you have some of those tendencies yourself, you'll tend to match more with those kind of people. Grow up, raise your standards and aim for better is the solution I guess! 1
Gebidozo Posted February 22 Posted February 22 On 2/19/2025 at 1:11 AM, cengl said: Did I do something wrong? Yes, you didn’t block her when she said she wanted to text first before meeting. Whenever a person says something like this, 99.99% they aren’t interested in anything genuinely romantic and are just seeking some sort of validation or playing games.
Acacia98 Posted March 18 Posted March 18 On 2/18/2025 at 8:11 PM, cengl said: Recently, we had a late-night call which lasted for around one hour. We agreed to call again in a few days and set up a meeting. So I called her, but she didn’t pick up. I waited 48 hours, and there was no response from her. I was completely fed up with this, so I deleted her number and blocked her on social media. FWIW, this was the right thing to do. In future, if something similar happens and the person calls you or reaches out in some other way after you block them, ignore them. And feel free to also block them on the new number or email address or whatever.
enterthevoid Posted March 23 Posted March 23 (edited) [ ] What I would've done was just text her something like "Hey. I just want to ask where we're at? Are you interested in dating me, or do you want to be friends". To get a clear answer. I'm not saying the outcome of this wrong. If you don't want to see someone who is bad at communicating, that's fine. But the way you handled things emotionally could've been better IMO. Edited March 23 by a LoveShack.org Moderator direct answer at OP
FredEire Posted March 23 Posted March 23 On 2/22/2025 at 2:21 AM, Gebidozo said: Yes, you didn’t block her when she said she wanted to text first before meeting. Whenever a person says something like this, 99.99% they aren’t interested in anything genuinely romantic and are just seeking some sort of validation or playing games. Yeah. Unfortunately there's a whole lot of this around especially on OLD. You can tell when someone's actively asking you questions, wants to make plans etc and set dates, Vs never being sure and constantly making excuses.
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