Dave81 Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Hello, Let me first start off by giving you a little background information on my situation. My ex and I had been in a relationship for almost 2-1/2 years. Over the past few months, I had noticed a change in her. She didn't seem like the loving person that I had once fell in love with. When I first met her, things were great, and I thought that she was the one. As time went on, we reached our "comfort zone" and started to notice all of the little quirks about each other that had previously been hidden by the new relationship. We started to fight more often, but we learned more about each other and the relationship seemed to still be strong. Anyway, as I mentioned before, over the past few months, she seemed to distance herself from me, and our sex life suffered. I had tried to talk to her about it, but I always got the same response from her, "There is nothing wrong with us, I'm just a little depressed and dealing with things in my life." I tried to accept this, but it seemed like things were on a bad track. Then it happened, we got into a horrible fight, and she left for 2 days, finally coming back to me. She had told her mother, who I never got along with in the first place, that her and I were finished, while we continued to have a relationship behind her back. This upset me, and we had several arguments over this, but finally I accepted it, only bringing it up occasionally, and I tried to avoid fighting with her about it. Still, it seemed like we were good together, and we continued our relationship. Everything was fine until Christmas Eve, when she recieved a mysterious phone call from someone she said was a friend from school. The next day, Christmas, she left to go to her mothers unexpectedly, saying her aunt was sick in the hospital. Something did not seem right. I suspected that she was cheating on me, and found out that the "mystery" guy was her mom's boss, and he was going through a divorce, so she was being a friend to him. She assured me that he was just a friend, but I still had my doubts. Suspecting this, I did something that I regret, I logged onto her E-Mail account, and found numerous e-mails from the mystery man, but nothing seemed to be "Concrete" evidence that she was cheating. The next day, I confronted her about the whole situation, I told her what I had done, and she was furious!! Needles to say, she broke things off with me that day, and I tried to apologize to her, but to no avail. Now it's going on a week since she broke up with me, and I regret what I done each and every day. I can't get her off of my mind, and I find myself missing her like crazy. Every little thing reminds me of her, and I'm having a hard time coping with that. Honestly, I cry sometimes, hoping that she will forgive me and want me back in her life, but everytime I call her, she seems happy, and it feels like I am going through the greiving process alone. I don't know what to do!! She says we should take some time to ourselves, and eventually we can be friends, and maybe try again. Right now, I am not doing so well to accept that and I long to hold her again. I am hurting inside, and I feel like I may be wrong for the way I feel about the whole situation. What should I do? Should I hold onto hope, or just let her go? And how do I deal with the pain that results from making the right decision?? I find myself calling her alot, almost everyday. Am I pushing her away? Any advice would be helpful
notmakingsense Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Yes, you are pushing her away every time you contact her at this point. If you want any chance at fixing things, you don't want to annoy her with repeated contact. She knows you are sorry. She knows you want her back. The ball is really in her court now. I suspect that this is causing her to think about the things that caused her earlier distancing in the first place. What I would do if I were you is to focus on things you want to improve about yourself and assume (as much as possible), that she won't be coming back. At most, contact her one more time to tell her that although you want nothing more than to have her back, that perhaps she is right -- that it would be good for you to take some time away, be friends, and date others. If she doesn't like that last statement, you'll find out that she still has feelings. If that last statement doesn't bother her, then you really need to move on. But.... don't just tell her something you won't be able to follow-up on. So, if you can't follow-up on this, it is better not to contact her at all.
Brittanyjean06 Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 Im sorry you are hurting- It has been 5 months for me since my 2 1/2 year relationship went to peices- and of course im still feeling like crap- thats expected though-- well those could be some red flags and you will have to except that be strong and do not talk to her right now, if you have broken up, than you do not need to be chatting up with her right now, because you are hurting- and apparently she is" happy". I know its hard not to want to talk to them, and want to question them for answers---but she was pushing her self away from you..and thats when you back off! dont beg her, don't ask her why...give that to her for the sake of your well being- I am sorry you are going through this- we all are struggling with heart ache
Author Dave81 Posted January 12, 2006 Author Posted January 12, 2006 First of all, I want to start off by saying thanks alot guys!! I didn't realize that this could help me so much. I went to see a counselor today about the whole situation, and got alot of things off my chest. It is a slow process, but I can feel myself getting better everyday. My friend from work and I went out when we got off, and drank a couple of beers. I found myself pretty darn happy while I was there, and we played a little pool. I forgot about her for a while, and believe it or not, it made me feel better. I still have my little relapses, and I can't help but think about the things we shared sometimes, but I am doing better. I did not break down today!!! I sent her a text message, only to ask her if she was going to help me pay the phone bill, as we had two lines on my cell phone, but that was the only time I really felt tempted to talk to her. I kept it short and straight to the point, and I didn't even ask her how she was doing. Anyway, I'm gonna hit the sack, as it is late, and I have plans to go out tomorrow after work. I'll keep you guys updated, and thanks again for all of the support. Peace Out
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