hotgurl Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 even if she was a bad seed woggle needs too examine why he allowed himself to be treated in that fashion and not take out his anger and resentment on all women. I was in a bad bad relationship and the guy was a self centered ass and treated me like dirt and I allowed it when I finally left him I took 2-3 years alone to wokr out all my sh@t as too why i felt it was ok for someone to treat me that way. Also I figured out who I was what I wanted in life somewhat:laugh: and it has helped me in all my other relationships. Yeah I could have jumped right back in there and taken all tht crap with me and used against my new partner but I didn't. woggle you dig this girl that's cool and your scared and don't want to be dumped on or hurt understandable. but you can set boundries while being sensitive to each other. Just keep talking and be open. but I think no one ever wats to hear from someone they love that they are disposible. that is why she was hurt
Lil Honey Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 I agree JS. he will lose her if he continues to treat her in this fashion.. while SF is right that he was asserting his boundaries these type of threats don't have much of a place in a real relationship and most cetainly don't belong in a talk about getting married.. I agree. (Whoda thunk? ) He will lose her. Yes, he has the right to set boundaries, but I think that should have been taken care of when they were getting to know each other (or did they skip that step? ), not when discussing marriage. I would (and have) made it clear that I won't take crap from anyone, BUT I make it obvious even before I'm interested in someone AND I wouldn't be interested in a person who I thought would treat me that way.
Art_Critic Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Because everybody is seeing that Woggle has problems with empathizing and he constantly fails to understand people. We are concluding that when he's like this with us, he also treats other people who are close to him the same, which is not good and a potential source of many problems. I knew the fight was coming... In the last week Woggle has started a few threads that show the OLD woogle.. I said to myself.. if he shows his GF this side he will be in trouble.. guess what ? He did
alphamale Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 You're not going to tell me that in real life he suddenly understands people better, are you? look, some people on LS make WOGGLE out to be some devilish malcontent who's severely disturbed and all that. I just think he's haveing a rough time or HAD a rough time in the past and comes on LS to vent his frustrations. WOGGLE is not a bad guy, he just has some minor issues that most of us have anyways.
JS17 Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 So you are saying that if a woman cheats on her husband because she is a woman with *loose morals* and has no regard for her husband and he is a faithful spouse then he STILL is at fault to a degree and is to blame for her actions? Is it the non-cheating partner's fault that the cheating partner behaves the way they do? No. I don't believe so The non-cheating partner definitely missed something either in their recognizing who their SO really is or in something missing in their relationship. I dunno... I guess in order to accept your postulation one would have to believe that all people are basically good. I just don't buy that. I think there are some people who are truly bad and that they should bear total blame for some things. *shrugging* Take a look at Alpha. He is a confessed abuser of women. I'm sure this does not exclude his current girlfriend. In most of our eyes, he is the truly bad person. Is he 100% at fault? No. Take a look at his girlfriend. She's staying with someone who is abusive. That is her fault.
tanbark813 Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Take a look at Alpha. He is a confessed abuser of women. I'm sure this does not exclude his current girlfriend. In most of our eyes, he is the truly bad person. I think that's going a bit far. Alpha isn't a bad person. At least he's honest about where he stands regarding relationships, women, himself, etc... He knows himself and doesn't seem to have a problem revealing that to others. More people should be that honest.
JS17 Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 I think that's going a bit far. Alpha isn't a bad person. At least he's honest about where he stands regarding relationships, women, himself, etc... He knows himself and doesn't seem to have a problem revealing that to others. More people should be that honest. What?!?! Yes you're right, this world doesn't have enough self confessed abusers. I'm done discussing Alpha. It's not even his thread anyway.
SmoochieFace Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Is it the non-cheating partner's fault that the cheating partner behaves the way they do? No. I don't believe so. Agree. The non-cheating partner definitely missed something either in their recognizing who their SO really is or in something missing in their relationship. Agree also but we also know that we never truly *know* someone 100%. Granted, the *victim* should perhaps have been more vigilant nevertheless he cannot be held responsible for his partner's conduct. Take a look at Alpha. He is a confessed abuser of women. I'm sure this does not exclude his current girlfriend. In most of our eyes, he is the truly bad person. Agree, I think he is despicable as a result of his conduct. Is he 100% at fault? No. Here's where you and I differ. If he KNOWS that his behaviour is wrong and has no remorse for it then he is totally unequivocably at fault. 100%. OTOH, if he realises that, yes, it is wrong and that he should work on changing it then I will agree with you. For me, it's about INTENT. Take a look at his girlfriend. She's staying with someone who is abusive. That is her fault. If she KNOWS that he is abusive and is willing to do nothing to change the situation (i.e. leaving, perhaps) then she is to blame as well.
Lil Honey Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 so what? unless you are lesbian you most likely have zero experience dealing with woman romantically. Um . . . I think that the point IS, is that women know how women think. All you can do is second guess us, which is exactly all the OP can do. A woman can explain to Woggle WHY his words hurt his GF's feelings in a way a man might not understand. I'm not man-bashing. I'm saying that men think differently than women.
SmoochieFace Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Um . . . I think that the point IS, is that women know how women think. Why can't the majority of men get this? Wow... I know I have lots of difficulties understanding people but this sure seems quite elementary to me.
alphamale Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Um . . . I think that the point IS, is that women know how women think. that is true...but women do not know how men think when we deal with women on a romantic basis.
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 I've only really read your post and your post replies here Woogle. It's what I should have done with my ex and I finally did when she cheated. I need stop judging all women based on that experience though. I don't want to ruin this. You nailed it here. This woman isn't your past. Leave the ghosts and bad feelings behind. Until she gives you reasons to run, remember she isn't tied into the past bad experiences. This woman has brought alot of good out of you and together you have something special. If you feel she is worth taking a risk, then any pain that could happen will be worth it because of all the good that has come into your life already. And, a fight can be just that, nothing more, nothing less. As long as when things calm down, you both see some good from it and learn from mistakes. Continue to talk and work it out, together.
lindya Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 that is true...but women do not know how men think when we deal with women on a romantic basis. This board is liberally peppered with your thoughts in those circumstances. Unless (gasp) you don't actually speak for all men, then surely by now most female Loveshackers are well versed in how men think when they deal with women on a romantic basis.
JS17 Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Here's where you and I differ. If he KNOWS that his behaviour is wrong and has no remorse for it then he is totally unequivocably at fault. 100%. OTOH, if he realises that, yes, it is wrong and that he should work on changing it then I will agree with you. For me, it's about INTENT. You're kind of missing my point. Each person in a relationship is 100% responsible for their own behavior. An abuser is 100% responsible for their actions. I think you're confusing an individual's behavior with the state of a relationship because you say.... If she KNOWS that he is abusive and is willing to do nothing to change the situation (i.e. leaving, perhaps) then she is to blame as well. ....indicating that both parties are at fault for the unhappy relationship. I will contradict myself a bit and say that I don't belive the abused is 100% responsible for their behavior. I think that the effect that the abuser has on them alters their behavior and self. I've even seen one case on LS where I think that the abused was 100% NOT responsible for staying in the relationship. However, most of the time the abused has some control over their behavior and is partially responsible for it.
Art_Critic Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Each person in a relationship is 100% responsible for their own behavior. An abuser is 100% responsible for their actions. I have always liked the phrase " you are responsible for what you do and say and they are responsible for how they react to it " The reverse is also true "they are responsible for what they do and say and you are responsible for how you react to it"
Lil Honey Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 that is true...but women do not know how men think when we deal with women on a romantic basis. That is true, but doesn't fit the original post. Woggle was asking what he said wrong and/or what went wrong. Since he is a man and men already "know how men think when we deal with women on a romantic basis," he already knows how HE was thinking. He was thus asking what SHE was thinking that made things go so wrong.
Recommended Posts